//Another world, Another way.

"in this place where the soft wind blows"
"Oh," my cell phone just got a text. I was putting the dishes into the dry rack when it went off.  I dried my hands on the bottom of my dress and flipped it open from my shirt strap. "Meet me at Rummy's Table tonight? The guy's ditched me, I'll be waiting." I sighed and looked at myself in the window's reflection, not very beautiful today are we? I looked through my clothes and found something more decent to wear to the Jrock bar, but just as I was going to do my make up I decided on a simple eye liner and a little flashy vegan mascara a peach tinted lip balm as lipstick works fine too, why am I even dressing up? Haruka never told me he wanted something more than that. Seiko told me that Haruka had been in a few relationships but nothing very serious, she knows that he's got an impossible criteria for a girlfriend she however had always been captivated by Saga, "love at first sight both ways, I didn't know that was possible." And I knew it was because their love is so easy, they are both clear, Saga is blunt and adorable, I guess that's why she loves him, but what about me? What criteria's do I have? I wonder hmm... I've only been in love once, that foreign student who came to our school it was after my friends stopped talking to me because I wouldn't explain my bruises to them, they packed up and attacked me and then... he stopped them. B, I wish I hadn't fallen for him because he...fell for someone else, and I was left all alone, 'I was only trying to be nice, I'm sorry, I can't accept your feelings.' I think that's the worst thing you could say to anyone, being rejected isn't like a quick prick, it's a hot iron blade that constantly burns away at the flesh of your heart, and it never heals, even to this day I wonder, 'is being with me such a terrible fate?' I sigh a lot on the way to the bar, and Rummy's has a line so I get  in the Queue and wait for my turn to be let in, I don't have an I.D. but the doorman is Rikki, and I greet him as he lets me in. "Say hi to Oscar for me," he calls after me, I nod and head towards the crowd near the stage but that's not why I'm here, but where is Haruka? Then I see a silver lined jacket in the front row, not many people here yet but it's only 6, I can only think, "thank god I wore my Docs" as Oscar the bar man waves to me, I make my way to the bar and sit down on an empty stool. "Oscar!"  he gives me a head biow and puts down a glass filled wth something dark, "this is?" "Coke with lime," he says, I decide to trust him, and put a 5 in his tip jar, "thanks, Rikki says hi," he looks at the door, and I can tell that they are in love, "when will he stop that," his korean anticts are cute as he's flustered and embarrased, but I drink my drink and think think, "You love him?" he's preparing another drink while he thinmks  anbout it he hands it to the person and then comes back to me, "Yeah, I do love him, and he loves me, anyways what's this about love first time I seen you in a week and you ask about love, you in love Chara?" I think about it. "I don't--," "You don't what?" his voice is coy but it's him, I turn to my right and Haruka's sitting next to me, I can tell, a little drunk. "Oscar, another Jack Sparrow, now, tell me Chara-chara, you don't what?" I was frozen, oh yeah, "I don't think I've called you yet to tell you I was here, " I signal Oscar who nods away and takes more drink orders, Haruka however takes advantage and leans his head against my shoulder. "Thanks for coming, but I'm right here you don't have to call anyone anymore," "Yeah," My heart is rushing from his warmth, I can't be still, and yet, I want him to stay this way the club begins to stirr and even more people flock in. "Are you here for the band?" I ask, he shakes his head, "I came to meet with the owner, seems he's movings battle of the bands to some other place since too many bands signed up, he's an old friend so he gave me the scoop on who's running it now and where it's gonna be, you will be surprised." He got closer to me now, and then his face was against mine,  "Chara, I can't sleep with you in my dreams, but i really love that you come to see me today," "What? Haruka you're talking all wierd," he nodded, "Yeah, I shouldn't have had that drink earlier, anyways, I should be almost sobering up since it was just one, you wanna go on a date?" "A date?" he nodded, "well you look very beautiful today we can take pictures at the arcade, ride the sky line, what do you want to do?" "I...I want to sleep," the thought came out, but he laughed instead. "You tired too huh? Good idea, I wanna sleep too," he stuffed a 20 in Oscar's tip jar and we waved him good bye, but Haruka kept talking to me when we got back to my place he stopped asking me what kind of foods I hate and what he hates to drink and then suddenly he kissed me. "There," I was confused, "There what?"  "I've been wanting to kiss you since that other day and I couldn't be still until i did it again, maybe now I wont dream of you tonight."  I was confused but we were at my place and he headed towards the couch and fell asleep instantly. I was tired and he wasn't moving, not much sense asking him to move anyways, Seiko always snugs with Saga, even though she's a bit mean to him, but Haruka is ever sweet to me, and I'm just cold. I try not to think about what a mean person I am, and lie down next to him my back towards him, that should be enough I guess, at least until I can get used to this 'togetherness'. I was beginning to daze off when he wrapped his arms around me, 'come with me, to the underworld, follow that chain of memories, you'll find me, you'll find me." he sung in my ear, but I was tired, his fingers intertwined with mine, and I felt, that thing I've been looking for in all those corners of this city, I didn't know I'd find it here.

Something heavy was on my waist and I felt my hand was numbing I woke up in the darkness to a fluttering of a helicopter over head and I heard people talking in the kitchen the light was on from there but the heavy thing I was holding was lightly breathing and I felt it on me, oh that's right. "Haruka?" I called, but he was out, I turned my body to face him but I could faintly make him out, I ran my free hand through his face gently, making out his features, i remember a friend of mine told me she did this, and I never knew why but I know now, it's because...I can see him in my mind, and my heart is racing. I try to shake the feeling and as carefully as I can I break his hold on my hand and get out from under him, he stirs a little but doesn't wake up, I want to kiss him before I leave him but, I'm too embarrassed. I slip on my fluffy slippers and head to the kitchen away from my room, I hear Seiko and Shou talking, something feels off, and when I reach the kitchen I see that he's.... "Shou what's wrong?" my concern is overwhelming and I embrace him before I get an answer. "Nothing's wrong, nothing at all," but he cries even more and holds on to me, I turn to Seiko whom is concerned and sullen. "Seiko, what happened?"  She hesitates and then she says something that I never thought was possible, "Shou's heart broke today, the girl he's been chasing chose one of his friend's instead, and he doesn't know what to do--" Stop Seiko, n-no more, okay?"Shou'd grip on me didn't budge, I petted his hair as I do when he's drunk and leaning against me for balance. But this reminds me of something else, "You know, I'm sure you'll fall in love again Shou, but you guys really are hopeless romantics, I think haruka went through something similar before he asked me out, so you see, you might find that special girl, the very very special one, you just have to get passed this pain, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it, I know,' I hesitate, "I know what you're feeling," He looks at me guiltily, and then says, "Chara...after I...I am so sorry, I was a fool." I recall the pain but I shake my head and try to bare it. "It's fine, we're still friends, and beside, things worked out for me, you;ll see, they will work out for you too, besides, so many ladies chasing after you and many more will follow, so don't be so sad, you'll mend that heart in no time," he stared at me and stopped tearing, but Seiko started crying and went to her room in  a hurry. "Seiko?" Shou sighed, "It seems she got very emotional, maybe because she's always had Saga, she never had to worry about those things." "Don't talk about her like that, Seiko's a very warm hearted person, anyways, who is this girl, do we know her?" He stared at me again and looked to the corridor, I turned, "Haruka?" he seemed surprised that he was there, " Shou?" I was still hugging Shou I pulled away a little and tried to explain but Haruka bowed his head to him and came to pull me away from him. "It's not what you,--" "I know what it is, and I'm sorry man, but what were you hoping to achieve by coming here?" "Haruka?"
"I know...but I wanted...I wanted someone to talk to." "So you do know who she is, don't you?" Haruka was weighing somethin gin his mind and then I felt someone tug my arm, it was Seiko and she was better now, "Chara, why don't you come with me, I wanna buy dinner," "Umm ok, are you guys gonna be ok?" they both nodded,  but I felt a stange thing too, hmm i wonder who that girl is.

//Through the cut glass

Saturday as usual, beat form the whole week, and Chara-chan is working hard to cook some frozen dumplings she bought in the grocery story near the station. It's kind of cute really, seeing her trying to figure it out, I offered to help but she's so stubborn. "I can write an album in a week, I can do this!" so she put them in a pot and set them to boil, an hour later they melted down with just the tops cooked all the way through. She threw a fit and put them in the rice cooker's steam option, and they completely melted down and were noting but puddles of flour and pork rolls. So finally tried to put them in the microwave, but they stuck to the paper towels she wrapped them in. "I don't understand these stupid things," I picked up the wrapper but it had no instructions, "What about frying them?" I suggested? she perked up and gave it a try, a few minutes later the oil and the water in the flour bombarded the kitchen with sparks so we gave up and just ate the cooked tops and the rolled up pork meat as she sighed and burned her tongue. "Why are these stupid things so hard to cook? I just...I just wanted some pork buns," She looked so sad over such a petty thing, but Chara's like that so I lean over the kitchen counter next to her and give her a nudge with my nose with a kiss. "I asked if you wanted me to help," she sniffled a bit and asked me confusedly, "You know how to cook them?" I nodded, she became at once agigated and bite my face, "ahhh, I told you no more biting!" she hissed, "why didn't you tell me what to do then instead of watching frozen cuisine gone terribly array!?" I couldnt help but chuckle, "well you told me not to help you, and I admit-" "You enjoyed watching me suffer?" I nodded, but she sighed and shook her head, but she wasn't annoyed anymore, rather amused, which is never a good thing. "Oh no," but she batted her eyes, "Oh, you know, first tell me what I didn't do," I tried to tread carefully now,  I knew the petty concern I had, but I wanted to make sure before I acted, "Well... you need a bamboo steamer, you see....with liners...and....we don't have one, so I thought I'd...watch...what you ...came up..with." I tried my best to pout over this but grim look told me I was dangerously in trouble of not even sleeping on the same bed as her tonight, I need to beg forgiveness right away. However, Chara just stared at me and then finally she left. I was a bit taken a back but I was a little afraid to follow her, I waited for her to come back then she did, with a bamboo steamer in a bag with more packets of frozen pork buns, but she seemed a bit more cheerful than before. "Let's try again!" this time she googled instructions and about an hour later we were eating them fully cooked by hand watching real life murder show she likes. I was beginning to phase out but I wanted to know something. "Why are you so freakin strange?" my tone was soft, because i honestly was wondering this, she perked her head my way and smiled strangely furrowing her brow a bit. "Why are you?"
"I think it's because I'm so far away from you, you know, a collision between us, would be rather unfair, specially to everything in our way," but I could tell she had lost my meaning because being so strange I hadn't explained it, she shook her head, "Because you're Saturn, right? and I'm Mars?" I gave her a kiss on the lips and nodded, pressing my nose against hers she grabbed my half eaten bun from my hand and tossed it on the coffee table along with hers I took it as a cue to push her down, "Mars," I called out, she grinned and pulled me into her, "Saturn," she whispered, "Let's test our luck then, come one, collide with me," I pressed my nose against hers , "bring it on then," I whispered back to her mischeviously. I liked nights like these, making love in the living space without reservations, ignoring calls and texts until we've had our fill of eachother, though Chara was never a sexual person, she's very honest when we're intimate and wont deny me any pleasure, I suppose that's what you call love, but recently I've noticed that she's taken a liking to sodomy more than traditional sex, I think it has to do with her miscarrage so like before, we do it this way because it hurts her heart less, and honestly I don't think we're ready for children, not after last time so when we do it that way, we're both happier to become closer.
I feel her next to me as I wake up, still wrapped in my arms, still breathing a cool air on my skin, I must have mistaken it for the morning chill, but Chara's face brightens my day more than the sunniest of skies. I wonder again, as I often do since wondering seems to be my way to deal, and I come to understand more things about Charlotte. Where she looks when she's confused, what makes her stubborn, what hurts her, and where, and what she wont say she likes but when she finds that she likes it, she'll give me a hint, and sometimes I don't even need one. These trivial things, are what make her up, and when she sings, I can hear all of them at once. I pull her in closer to me, she doesn't even stir, and I wonder when if ever, I'll tell her about that day on the beach? I've always known that it was you, because of those eyes, because of those scars, because of the way you sleep now, and I'll always associate you with hope, and with life, the very scent of it, and of blood. Always blood. I think back to Sheila and how she's gone from us, and I think of how it killed me, and killed you over. I want you to love me even more, no matter how selfish that makes me, and I want to protect you even more, because I want to monopolize you. Soon the spring will be over and when summer comes we'll be separated again, I want your contract to end, and I want my producing contract to end so that we can start our dream, and not have to answer to anyone when all I want is to keep on holding you like this. If that's wrong, I believe my dear my moral compass will never again point north, nor anywhere else but towards you.

// The Magic.

Haruka is singing in the shower lately.
I'm not sure why he rarely did it before, but  I pretend to sleep and hear it, when he knows I'm awake he's silent as the grave. It's a rare thing to hear, but since Glorious disbanded Saitou has been trying to get Haruka to realize his potential of becoming not only a band leader but a singer, I have noticed it  as well, he's almost as good as Shou except his voice is softer and charming, I feel as if I will be carried away with the breeze when his notes are somber and mellow, but that's his style, which is a tad bit contrasting to his trashing style on the guitar, almost like a demon when he plays, but he's an angel when he sings. I've told him this many many times, often bursting into the shower and embarrasing him, so today I only call it over the water "you should go solo~" but he hums loudly and wont listen to me, I'm hoping Saitou will I'm tired of telling him, he comes out with a towel wrapped around his body all fuming from the water's heat and his bangs stick to his head, it's too cold for me, keeping my distance and slipping past him to the shower I comment, "maybe we can sing together someday, not a duet that sounds lame but a song we're meant to sing together." I think of Happy Swing, looking over to him as his shoulder playfully urged me to sing as he thought up a melody for the crowd to hear while the sound people fixed the chart board. If he was officially a singer would he have started it, I know Haruka can lead, I just want him to figure that out on his own. He gives me a smile and shakes his head, "I'm out of body wash so I used yours, and by the by, that is a duet my dearest." I shoot him a look and shoot him down with my imaginary gun, "Duet sounds lame, but we could be lame together if you just would give it a try, you could really shine." I shot him a kiss and closed the door behind me, today I wouldn't see him until later, by the time I exited the shower he'd gotten  dressed forgot his scarf and sent me a message telling me his schedule for the day and that he forgot his scarf,I forgot to push him harder, but alas I was never much of a leader myself, there's a reason Seiko and Tomo are cosplayed more than I am, they just have natural charisma a leader requires, I have natural fear, something a coward posses, a hungry coward who is late for my doctor's appointment.



I wanted to push him but if I did it, somehow I felt like cheating.
He was singing again three in the morning but not in the shower, he was on the balcony, I could tell from the fresh breeze coming through the crack of the door. I'm glad we have a huge apartment because it echoes through out the house and I'm in the rec room spaced out over a couch with an open laptop on my lap with Seiko's melody playing in a loop and unfinished lyrics, just then I recall what I was going to write and quickly type it down, the clacking must be loud in the place because I hear the singing falter then continue.  He's not singing a cover but one of his original songs, I know that because I hacked into his lappy, (by me I mean Tomo) and looked at some of the projects he's working on, not only writing music but lyrics as wells, songs about L.A. and now and being alive and wanting to fly and wanting to shine,  but this one is about me.
 I enjoy his angelic voice and make my way to the bedroom to go to sleep when his phone goes off. I reach over the mantle as I pass the kitchen and pick it up, it's a text message from a number that isn't listed in his contacts, "I'm waiting for an answer. You know you want me c; " Something inside me suddenly turns on like a water hose and I can't stop what happened after, I dash over to the balcony and slam the phone down on he veranda. "What?" he calls out "Is your life important to you, dearest?" he flicks his cigarette off in the distance and laughingly turns to me and leans in to kiss my temple, but I pull away too angry to have him kiss me. "What you saying?" I hold his phone and show him the message, "What's this? a death wish? Who is this?? "  He reads the message but his mood isn't affected and somehow I feel silly even before the words come out of his mouth, "Oh... it's Seya, rememeber i told you I'm trying to get a new drummer, but i don't know about him, he wants a better offer than I got him." My resolve became to falter and I tried to brush it off as if I wasn't planning to destroy him seconds ago. "Ahh, well then, I see." I leaned against the veranda defeated and embarrassed I heard him chuckle but as much as I hurt my pride I made a total fool of myself, suddenly he was over me embracing me and leaned his head against mine. "Somehow that pety jelousy of yours makes me feel extremely loved," he bites my cheek and I hiss at him, "ahhh, that hurts you know!" "Your suspicion hurt me, " "Where?" I insist on fighting, Im not sure why. "everywhere, my Chara." He kisses my cheek now, "I am quite aware that the day I cheat on you will be considered the last day I live, at least on this earth, would you expect anything less?" That admission made me realize that the posibility entered his mind before, "and me? Would you destroy me?" I turned to see his pretty green eyes but they seemed genuenly hurt by my question. I could tell he was about to run away but I grabbed his arm, I couldn't hurt him like this. "You really think I'm capable of something like that, after....after going through it? No, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, specially not on my heart, on my you."

/// los angeles sky

Do you remember the first kiss?

To meet in such a place as this, you have never left my mind.

Im watching from this place, you stare into the los angeles sky, searching..asking me "why does the heart decieve ?"

You are the only soul, who could have brought me here.

And i pull onto the string attached beaneath my left ribs, one line, connecting me to you

Dont ask me why, i cant lie so easily

Dont tell me now, i only wanna see you lost in that angel sky, those eyes, my heart, i want to live.

Do you remember, the words i spoke then?

What treasured memories do you hold of me when i was younger, i cant fly as high as i used to.

You will never leave my side, i understand that completely.

And i pull the string attached beneath my lower ribs,one line

Connecting me to you

Dobt ask me why, i cant lie so easily

Dont tell ne how, i only know your eyes, lost in that angel sky, those eyes, my heart, i want to live.

I want to live with you beneath that los angeles sky.

// It comes back to that night.

"Two people who constantly fight and are unable to communicate with eachother let alone, love eachother; should not be together."
What is wrong with people, and why is it that after coming to the three realizations they continue to live together? Is it out of duty or guilt? I wonder, because this is the constant relationship I have witness for the past years of my short life.
I used to only drown myself in foreign rock music to drown out the arguments but they repetative and carry no weight as to why they are fighting to begin with. The empty arguments tug at my heart because I am unsure of what it means, and when it will escalate. I want to tell them to leave eachother alone. but they don't listen to me, maybe because I am a product of that, but in any case, I just play my part. I have gotten used to beating's after school, because she's off to work and they probably just had a fight, the constant anger in me is unable to break way and when those fights begin to fly, I am frozen and can only cry silently as my indeferrance drives him into a rage. I wonder if I will have the will to crawl to my room as I've so often done, if make up will hide the bruises, but all my friends have desserted me now that excuses or hiding it doesn't matter. My ribs are burning and as I struggle to get on the bed they are twisting at me and the pull is like someone is sawing me in half, no not someone I know who has already done that. But the damage is worst than I thought, my sister comes home that weekend and tells them the break is infected, and I am rushed to a hospital, I stay with Artemis for a short time, but it is so short, but for the week I am safe. I remember that time, I really thought I would die, but in the hospital I recieved one gift that saved me, my sister brought my iPod Mini from home, I thanked her and I almost cried, but I did cry later that night when all those songs by Loversoul slowly began to heal me, and repair me, and let me know that there's only so much I can take and one of those days I would have to, 'run away."

The dream is over, and as I awaken groggy and uncomfortable I can see Seiko's frame pacing about the room with her guitar slung over her back and looking for something in my bag. This act is kind of crude so I am risen with a sense to tell her off when I see that she's putting something in there and she quickly hides it behind her and cheerfully says, "Morning Chara-Chi, I thought you were a heavier sleeper," I don't understand Seiko, "Morning, what you up to Sei?" she's shifty but she surrenders the item infront of me, very relunctantly I might add. "It's a secret but, you'll find a new playlist on your iPod, your mission is to find out who it's from, I'm just a messenger don't shoot me," She makes such an innocent face I can't help but laugh and forgive her, but more importantly, a secret? "This is actually kind of wierd, is it from Shou? We were talking about new compositions, but then I guess he'd just give it to me like I asked him to,  why a secret?" Seiko seems boggled over my awareness and then shows off something she gets from inside her guitar bag. A bag of Chocolate covered cookies in cellopane. "Your secret recipe?" I asked not fully understanding, she chuckled and rolled her eyes "It's valentine's day, idiot,  this is supposed to be romantic!" "Ahhh, I get it, wait, romantic? Then this playlist is...?" Seiko seemed to blush and become disgustingly dreamy, she said in a softer tone, "Yes, yes, someone who cherishes you asked me to put it in here, they said that you should meet them and recite your favorite lyric in the list, that will give them a message that you feel the same way,"

[[ It's a memory from early days in Tokyo, they are all living in the company apartments and Seiko and Chara share one, here it is when they are Indies and Seiko is working as a back up guitarist at a club, Chara is a bar tender and Tomo a model, Erin however being a trust fund baby  spends his time playing online games and working on his drumming skills. The playlist she suspects comes from Haruka, but he's dating Nana, so she wonders and she runs into Masake again who takes her out for valentines, but the person looking over her as she gets back to her apartment with roses that withered is Michio.]]

// About that night.

It wasn't like I didn't know it would happen, I just thought that it might be longer, considering how long our relationship was. Seiko tried to hide the search on her phone when I climbed into the car but the look on her face said it all. "Chara-Chan, how're you holding up?" I tried to smile but it wasn't quite possible, I just nodded and looked away, but I managed to get my notebook of songs out to her, "Oh I didn't think you'd be this fast, but okay I'll look them over before we get to the studio." Somehow without words it was easy to talk to her, I leaned against the arm rest and put my ear plugs in, no one else will hold my attention this morning no matter how much they nudge at my arm, sorry Tomo.

The studio was worst, rather than the occasional news circus and the fans, it was flooded with media shoving microphones at us in all directions yelling all those questions at me I'm trying to push down to the soles of my feet and leave behind on the cold Tokyo concrete. "How long have you known about the secret engagement?" "We're you just helping them keep it a secret?" "Is it true that there is a baby on the way?" "Are you happy for your friend's new engagement?" "Do you feel betrayed and outraged? Please tell us!" I had to pull my sweater's hood all the way over me,  my tinted glasses weren't helping much specially with the tears running down, I tried hard to hide it." Tomo put his arm over me and escorted me to the building after I had been cornered by reporters. I couldn't help but clutch onto him as the pain in my chest became unbearable. Emily was screaming at security not to let anyone near us and Seiko and Erin were hurrying to get the recording room scheduled for us that day.