//Little too late.

"That man, what's his name...the photographer!"
"Yeah...it's him."
"I thought I told you to take him far away, what's happened?"
"Well... life is curious, he became a very famous photographer, he goes in for his usual check up...his memory is never coming back, they say...that's what the test results say everytime he goes to get looked at but...He's been listening to Loversoul a lot recently, we checked his expenses. They are similar to his expenses when he lived with her. He buys melon bread, and ends up having one bite and tossing it away. He buys wine and ends up pouring it down the drain. He doesn't understand why he keeps doing it...I think he realizes that he loves someone, he just doesn't know it's her."
Micho  remained silent, gripping his rosary in a hand like he's used to when it slips past his wrist. He leers at the windows the restless Tokyo outside. Passing the T building is Yokohama, where she resides in their home, not knowing that Haruka is in Paris, thinking of her subconsciously.
"You think there's a hell , Kenichiro?"
his assistance looked to the floor and sincerely answered. "I do, Michio-Sama, I fear that there is."
"I fear that as well."
He looked to his cell phone, a picture of the girl who ignited his soul....and brought summer back into his heart. "Chara needs a photographer for her book. Contact him, let him know we want to hire him."



"Just like the most gullible person at the edge of the world, I lean in against all my defenses, committing to memory old kisses warm on my skin, I recall, they said to me-“buzz-buzz-buzzzz
"Oh... the door." Chara stepped away from her writing computer and answered the cctv for the door, today she'd be meeting with a photographer from France that Michio hired. She's writing another song...but this one, is about Haruka. He's been in her mind a lot lately, she answers the door, and there...is a presence she recalls, though not sure where from. "Hello," a French accent but his face, scattered his salt and pepper hair covers the left side of this face, "I'm Benny, nice to meet you,"
"No...." she was sure of it, the tears in her eyes formed and her heart was rhythmically reacting to him...as if...she's seeing a ghost. "This isn't the first time we've met," She reached for him but he was confused, it was too much, she collapsed on the steps of the entrance leaving him confused, but...something caught inside his mind trashing in there almost breaking him he sank to his knees looming over her now....his memories pulsating in a blurr, but he recognized this moment in his mind and it gave it to him. A dusk multi coloured sky, birds hovering, a beach, he recalls the sand and two people walking past him "there's a girl by the shore, call the cops I think she's dead."
He rushed over to her, but she was alive, slightly breathing, badly bruised and bleeding, he carried the girl over to the sand calling for an ambulance, he recalls touching her ribs and her flinching opening her eyes for just a second focusing on him, and fainting again. Gently he placed her on the gurney, with his jacket. Another blur and pain followed, the same girl years later, on a snowy beach over him, "Saturn,...my only soul." the same girl, on a stage, a crowd, and himself with a guitar, no...he doesn't know how to play a guitar....and a name....her under him....a swelling in his chest....euphoria took over..."Haru...ka..." The same face, smiling...and two children....that blended those faces on a wedding picture on the wall of a house....faces....the girl....the children. It was too much Haruka fainted beside the girl from his dreams...Charlotte.

The light came faintly, but it was a light the burned, Chara was outside the concrere scratched at her face as she awoke, completely twisted, she laid out her arms to raise but something hard hurt her, look beside her. "Haruka!" she went over to his side entirely, his hair pulled back, no scars. the only part of his face that didn't have scars he covered up, why....?
"Haruka wake up, please, wake up, Haruka.....Haruka!" she pulled on his clothes shaking, but she wasn't waking up, she panicked and called Shou. "HE'S HERE! SHOU...HELP ME, HE'S NOT WAKING UP...." "What....whom?" "Haruka.....he's here, I need help."
Shou....that promise is broken was all he could think.

It wasn't Shou...but Saga, Seiko and Tomo that showed up.
They helped her bring him to a hospital. But upon signing his name Saga took over, siging Benny Amane. I should have known...."You all knew about this didn't you?"
Seiko immediately looked away, the shame came over her, Saga as well, but Tomo, "Yes, we all knew, we promised him we'd never say a word." "Who?' "Shou...he was...he's gotta tell you."
"Then where the fuck is he?"
"Right here," turning to the door, we saw him. the others left, leaving Chara and Shou alone.
"So here we are,
I didn't want to speak, but I had to. "Why?"
"I promised him I would never tell."
"How?"
"A will, you don't remember because he never told you, he only told me."
"But why?"
"Your father. He saw what it did to you, and thought of what will happen, if it was him."
"Comatose? For how long? Where?"
"New Zealand, many patients were taken there, when I was contacted he was in Kyoshuu, but as his will permitted it, he was taken farther away where he wouldn't be recognized, even with the scars."
"How long?"
"He woke up six years ago."
"Six?"
That was when we were still married....Shou's sadness....and his distance makes sense now.
"is that the reason you went back to Japan?  is it?"
he nodded silently, and remained quiet for a while.
"Why wasn't I allowed?"
when he woke up, he didn't know who you were, he only remembered us. when he hurt his knee...he thought he was still in highschool. The haruka I knew was reverted, he had no love for you, he said that if he ever died to take care of you, the haruka I knew was gone, I thought it was best to take care of you but the more happy we became the guiltier I felt, and distanced myself from you. I'm sory for that. for everything. Chara...but I don't understand why he is here."
"Michio sent him to me."
I don't understand any of it...just then, Haruka's monitor was rising and he was staring at us.
"....Charlotte?"
Nothing else matters, my name "You're calling my name..."
something of a smile came over him, and I sw his eyes glisten, he took the minitor off of him and climbed out of bed I walked over to him, it's as if...time condensed, and seventeen years had not passed us by, we were on that beach again, gazing, and grasping, and I had him in my arms again.
Haruka's hands were shaking, I heard the door click behind me.
I reached for his face Haruka kissed me so deeply I drowned in him.
Overwhelmed my poor heart hurt so much...this rejoicement and longing ..they were finally being sated.
He pressed his nose against mine and began to sing something under his breathe.
"Alas i found you, my only soul, finally, in this quiet place where the soft wind blows…” “ we return to begin again.” I place my hands over his cheeks, a kiss, no, the kiss, our kiss. Nothing else matters.

//Haruka is not Haruka.

Haruka is witty and clever when he wants to be, though most of the time he's silent and reserved; as if a stoem is brewing behind those marbled eyes. When he's with me...I dont even see him as the same guy as he appears in interviews and onstage. That's his persona i guess, when he's with me. I see everything. The roundness of his face, the anxiety when i hold his hand, and when he embraces me at night, I definitely see him as no one else does.
So, has be asked me out, no, not really. He's in the process of divorcing Nana, and i know that his mother is upset with him, and so is the whole world, but, when I'm with him, he's happy, and I'm happy. So then...why are we having to sneak about, and no tell anyone who we are to eachother? I have a weekly webcast with my fans, in collaboration iwtht eh Amebafriends site, they pay me a lot to do it and I enjoy it. I share my day to day, reply to fan mail, and sometimes has contests, but when I got a fanmail about why I dont have a boyfriend, I have to always say "Who needs men when I'm living my dream and making my music for all you lovely people out there? Stop asking me about guys and ask me when my new single is dropping!"
The charasmatic me comes out, Chara takes over and I'm a powerful feminist that puts her career over love, how can I lie? when all these songs are about you?
About my struggle in dealing with the feelings you stir up in me. you stir me up!
and I...just want to hold your hand, anywhere, and everywhere.
Why is that so hard to comprehend?

I close the laptop and return to the sounding room. Seiko is inhere right now, she does back up vocals, and has a very angelic voice, but she doesn't like it much so she sticks to singing vocals for the back up sounds. It's very cute and pop sounding, which is why she dislikes it, I love it though, I wish I could sing like her.
She is done recording and see's me lay on the couch its only a matter of seconds that she comes and sits on the sofa beside me, with some papers. "Chara-chara-chan! Please look at the changes for the "Evans" track." I try to chuckle but its a sad excuse for a chuckle. "Stop calling it that, it's Evanescent, Evensncent, if you wanna pronounce it right." I sigh, and loo kit over. "You sad about something, usually you are, so what is it now, tell me tell me."
and I do.
"I've been sleeping with Haruka for the past three months, and I regret it now, that he's not yet divorced and that we've been hiding from everyone, not the sleeping but..."
"You guys are in love, nothing wrong with that, besides we all know."
"What? How?"
Seiko laughed cynically as she usually does when i make a statement or question that has an obviousness about it that she knows.
"Haruka used to be sad all da time, now he's shiny and all happy like he's been fixed, you used to cry all da tie, and I mean alll day time, and sigh just like that in L.A., and you're happier now, and sighing all da time, I know you losers are in love, it's easy."
I have to laugh at that, and sigh again.
"I want to ask you something wierd is that okay?

"Sure, wierdder da betta.

"Do you sleep with Saga often? "
"Oh yeah, all the time."
"How often is that?"
"Well we're married, and I have this baby in me , so we don't do it as much because of that, but I like doing other things, he's so hot I cant keep my hands off him, and he likes how sensitive I am....hehehehe he does things.." she's lost in her little world now but she returned to fd me embarassed for her. "Oh Charls it's just sexy time with the person you love, is that what you wanna know, if it changes once you get married?"
"Something like that...you know how I was with Masa,...he was very persistent."
"Yeah yeah, how coudld I forget, you were a different person fo sho with tda fool."
"I'm not like that with Haruka though and Im wondering....should I be?"
"Do you wanna be? just because you love him doesnt mean you have to desire him but you do need to feel like he's the reason your thighs are on fire and your heart ia beating a million ticks per minute. that doesnt happen?"

it does. "I think Im scared, if having another miscarriage, and thats affecting our,, what did you call it? sexy time."

"Ahh, yeah, Im very sorry about that Charls, I dont wanna be ...insensitive... with my...baby situation"
I smiled and rubbed her arm warmly, we are friends, this doesnt offend me at all. "Its not, trust me, im very happy for you both, you and Saga, you and the baby too, I love how psyched you are about it, did you find out the sex yet?"

"I dont wanna, I wanna raise a non bi baby, but Saga really wants to have a girl and name her Amaterasu, in honor of the goddess that he credits for the bands success. I dont know, hes a wierdo, a sexy wierdo"

"I think im deppressed, because i cant have a baby right now, maybe i never will"

"dont say that, theres' so many way these days, You will find the right time, it will happen, maybe you need some alone time with Haruka before you have one right? Make up for all the wasted years...you should take a tri p togethr, just the two of you...but not in Europe okay?"

I laughed, remembering Paris..."I dont think I'll ever go back to France, Seiko, I'm 23, and all I want it a family I can shape, I want Haruka to build it with me,"

"I want so many good things for you, but right now I want dinner, lets go get some"

 I agreed and we had a king crab for dinner. The perks of being in Hokkaido is definately the access to the crab, its so delicious and full of a flavour i can only describe as godly. I wanted her to stay over since Haru left for Tokyo and wouldnt be back until three days from now. "Oh I cant, I have a class to take with Saga tomorrow, how to care for baby this and that and the other thing, and we are shopping for a crib and bed, its a whole process really, i wish someone else could do it but you know, im crazy."

"Sounds fun really, Send pictures okay?" "you have a good night girl, maybe listen to the tracks we recorded and think of some lyrics to go? Evanescent EP is due next month," "Iill get ot it then, see yah" "bye mars!"