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// "Until I see you again..."

Growing, I noticed the feeling was different. Arising from the east, the great blue curtain began to rise, between the smoke and the darkness the murmuring of the voices came into focus,  several things mixing inside of them, like the raging wind on a field, the force unbroken by anything just being carried on long grass and reeds. It was completely appropriate, after all this was a long time coming, my soul was here, bounded to the place where i found it for the first time in my life, the air was heavy, and the intensity of the microphone as I waited for my cue. I looked over at Seiko and then to Tomo before the curtain reach half-mast, the same look i have probably, like my wish came true, I closed my eyes and began to sing. This is the last song Charlotte write for Haruka, after Shou leaves her she decides that life is better being by herself, and living her life for Haruka and her sake, Zestubou Nation rejoins after their one night reunion was one of the biggest shows a stadi...
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I met you that day, I lost my mind, I found my heart, and I could breathe again, calmly.

 I was never a fan of what people call ' soul mates .' In fact, I never believed the concept had any standing in the real world. It's a fantasy that people tell each other, like there really is one person curated for our every wish and want and need. I think we have a say in this world, not a soul mate, but a person, tangible and grounded, and on that ground we find that ours is even, not a mound or a hole around us, and we can walk together on that path. The souls we seek are like this, on the same path, and they are our chosen family. I think that's a stronger bond, family, I haven't had the best relationships with my own kin, but my friends and him ...I think I chose them as my family. I wasn't used to the type of attention Masake bestowed upon me, I wondered if it was my voice, people seemed to be captivated by it, I'm grateful for that, but is that what he was after? Perhaps it was my body that attracted him to me, I am on the heavier side of a medium ...

I'll Keep them still.

He was drinking again, the bruises on my face clearing up, he caresses my face and cries. "I didn't wanna do any of that," I nod and cry still, We're a mess here, I thought Paris would be different, that ring flashed before my eyes and I thought that I could be something better than I currently am, I thought I would have the happy ending I so envied every girl that ever crossed my path as a teenager. I don't see it though a silver lining, I only wished that those things they told me were realities, that I truly in my heart knew that I was worth more than this. I don't. I remain here, in the sadness of my broken uterus and my broken nose, I only want him to kiss me, and tell me to forgive him, but he just keeps drinking and snorting that junk and caressing my face and putting his seed inside me, sometimes I'm not awake. I am broken in ways that I never knew possible. I'm sterile. I'm loved by a madman. I felt like happiness was close to me, I ...

//Frigid

I haven't thought it through all the way, the way I'm going to see him every day on tour and pretend that we're still together. It hasn't come out yet, and I hold his hand at press releases, still in love, and pathetic, when he kisses my cheek I yearn for a deeper kiss, and yeah I know its fake, but it feel so familiar and good and I want him to tell me he still wants me, for real though. If only it was real, the second we're behind the press door his hand drops and he slicks his hair back. He never says anything, just keeps his cool, because he can. I look at him, and cry as he walks away, and back to his dressing room. I walk to mine and cry some more, and sometimes Tomo is there, though mostly I'm alone. Seiko sends flowers every day, and I'm fighting back the urge to beg him to take me back, how pathetic. Chara, the siren, thrown aside by the guitar samurai just another foreigner that learned her place. But its still there, the pain. and I want to re...

// I love you. And email from Shou to Chara.

I wanted to tell you this in the way that would make you understand me. I know what it means and I am not prepared for it. But if I keep it to myself I'm never going to move forward, and I need to know how you feel about me. You know how I feel about you, I love you. If you asked me why, these are the reasons. I just do. I want to. I don't want to. I have to . it makes me feel like I'm walking on air, it makes me feel like I'm walking through fire. I burn in there, that love, it makes me question  if I'm awake, alive, sane, sentient...my heartbeat races when I know you're thinking about me too.  fight how I feel, I've been trying, I've been trying to kill my emotions, but it's impossible. It would be easier if I didn't feel like this, but the more time passes by and the more you ignore me the more I realize my feelings grow stronger. I tried to find reasons to forget you, to tell you I hate you, but I love you, to the point where I will find ...

// The only one I love.

It was before I found out Masake hit Chara, before he cheated on her with Sakah, before I rejected her offer to have an affair to get back at Masake, before Chiharu hit her so hard I caught her in my arms, before I said goodbye to her at the airport, before I saw those fiery eyes on the veranda of Tomo's brothers home. It was on that warm chilly night that I found her on the warm waters edge, blood on her face, on her hands, and kinks in her body as I carried her towards the ambulance as they strapped her into the gurney. It was on that night that I felt a warmth inside my heart when  I held her, like a feeling, electric and chilling that I confused with fear of holding  a dead person, it wasnt that, I realized it on that night that Chara came to me after Masake hit her, that I realized that my heart reacts towards this side of her more than anything else I've ever known, I just want to protect her fom it, from the entire world. I made love to her that night until she slipped ...

The reasoning of Chara.

Things calm, things are over, things are through and you admit to yourself "I did everything I could", but you haven't and you wont and yet you wonder why. You stare at that phone wondering when a buzz or a ring will happen, and when it does you die of disappointment because its not him. Spam. I have mixed emotions, and in a sense  know that I always have these emotions so feeling is close to living now, and my days are filled with nothing but advertising, promotion, interviews and guest spot here there, everywhere.  I should care more, but I only have Haruka on my mind.   Seiko asks me if I'm okay and knowing that I'm not I tell her I am. She doesn't buy it, the furrow in her brow shoots at me like an arrow and she asks me more things I don't really want to answer. "Is it because of a certain ex-boyfriend, turned living legend composer, or are you just hungry?" "Is it because of what happened at the party, and if so was it because your cur...