//Revamped.

I began a music project today, with Masake.
I wondered what he wanted that rainy day.
He begged me to come back to Tokyo and sing for his new album, he needed my voice because that is what this album is about.
Its about me, it cant be complete without me.
"I owe you that much I guess, after Shinjuku."
"After Paris...I know I have no right to ask."
I forgave him for Paris a long time ago, but should I let him know this?
I wondered, and still  here I am in the recording booth singing this song that represent unshacklement.
I love the sound,  and actually, it feels completed with me singing it.
I had been recording a lot trance and electronic songs with Rikku, this was similar to that.

My voice ehcoed behind his, recited a type of mantra as he recited another. a second earlier.
the rhytmn was dance, and the formula magnificent.
It began like that, he wanted me to sit close to him at launch, honestly.
I fell in love with Masake all over again, he was different, confidence as ever, but there was something broken about him that stood out. In a light pause as he sang or played. In a refain when he spoke or walked. I wanted to know about what hurt him, those years with Sayu, maybe,. Our break up was quixk and lead to various scandals, mainly with me as the bad guy, a homewrecker.
Masake leans into me these days, tired, like he used to. Singing words as he spoke, I put my hand on his cheek like I used to. This was no mistake, but the mistake was doing this where everyone could see us.
It was everywhere.
I mean everywhere, and then the calls came in, the messages magazines, everywhere.

"We haven't even started going out, can you leave us alone, thanks!"
His comments were easy and clean, I just refused to comment at all.
I know what I'm feeling because I will always feel it.
There are no safe palces for me in Tokyo, I hate all of it.
"Fun fact," he spoke. "I never sold that house, remember, the one I first took you to."
I remember. "I don't want to go to the place where you lived with Sayuri."
I struck a nerve and I knew it, but I needed to test him.
"I never lived there with her, it's my parents home, the one they left me."
"I don't get it, you took me, why didnt you live there with her?"
He shurgged. "I took you there because it seemed natural, you cried so much, I felt the only way to show you who I was, was to. well show you where I came from."
"Why did you break up with me, really. I hear one version here and another there, and your explination never made much sense to me."
but we had arrived at that house, I recognized it, and somehow, there are no reporters outside.

"I''ll tell you, if you come inside."
I followed him closing the security door, glass steps like they used to be, and those blue curtains.
I felt safe here.
As he returned from setting the alarm system, he embraced me again, his head on my shoulder, my hand no his cheek. "You're my true love Chara, I know that now. So let me give you answers, real ones."

We stayed like that as he told me a story of a girl whom he saved from drowning when he was ten years old, this girl was from a wealthy family, he loved her immidiately, and did so for many years. She never payed much attention to him until he joined a visual kei band at age 15, they started dating, and mailing, and were in love. However, the boy had ambitions of his own, and promised the girl he would be with her, she however, also had ambitions, she debut as an idol and recruited for a girl band, which was sucessful. Masake had gone from band to band and finally broke solo at age 19, he developed a following no one saw coming, and developed his own styles of music, this set his apart and made him a start interantionally. He didn't have time to love the girl but when they met up they always were drawn back to eachother, it was a love that had no boundried or limitations, no definitions. Until, he met me, he was leaving from a meeting at Emi, when he heard my voice, he was obsessed, when he found that voice two years later, he knew it was fate, and he sought to make the girl his. It was like magic, because the girl fell in love with the boy, and he was so happy for a long time, though their relationship was secret, all his friends new who his woman was, and he wanted a family. It was around this time that the other girl came back into his life, she married a mobster, this drove the boy crazy, and he wanted to forget all about her, but even though he had a new love, his heart still hurt. He pressured the siren for marriage, she gave it to him, he pressured the siren to have children, but the siren has complications, this broke his heart. He wanted to bury all feelings for the mobster's wife but it wasnt enough, It was then that they started having an affair, and he was finally sated. When he returned to the siren he needed to bury his guilt but all he could see was his failure, he bagen to take drugs beacuse of his guilt. This lead to many nights of the siren freezing up and not talking to him, it broke his heart all over again. He noticed that the siren would leave him, he didnt want that, but he ended up hurting her, and lost her, it was then that the mobster's wife  got a divorce. The rockstar married the girl he loved sinc childhood, and had three children. The magic however, never returned. He kept hoping it would, but it was not giong to arrive.
The boy realized this when he was the siren, laughing in a picture in a magazine, out in the open with a friend of his, Saturn.
He saw the magic. He wanted the magic back, but she was beyond his reach then.
Years went by, he remained loving the siren, but she was gone from his world forever, Sayu had begun having an affair with a record exceutive that would take over Nippon Recordings, he gave her a divorce, and saw that all she had were ambitions, he was just part of those amibitons.
Years went by and saturn disappeared, a black hole ate him up, but the Siren was lost to the world as well, he wanted her back but no matter hwo he tried the siren swam away into deep water where he couldnt follow.
He's been waiting to when the siren is closer to him, those chances are rare, but here," he's caught the sire. What is she going to do?'"

I breathed in, recaling the circumstances that lead me to be in this house the first time.
But, I knew it already.
"She's going turn around," and i did
lokk into your eyes, and put a spell on you.
"You're going to forget all aobut me, how i look, what i say, how i smell, all of it.
and then you are going to go home, and love your adaughters, and raise them not to fall for guyhs like oyou. You take a world destroy it and promise it will be better?
I can't trust you, No....I can't trust you."

No, you can't.

He let me go, but i didnt run away. not yet.
 "Why do you love me Masa? That's what I really want to know."
he smiled, and without hesitation, "You're my magic, all the magic in this world...its you."
There came a message on my phone just then, "work?" I nodded
"Hey its Benny, your new photographer, i wanted to meet with you tonight if its possible so I can arrange for the right lense and scenery for tomorrow, are you free around 7?"
Right, Seiko told me about him. "I have to go, but...I'll think about this, everything you said. I need time, is that ok?"
"There's hope in that, so yes...I'll be waiting."

//What a world tour is.

We set out from Japan to China, Hong Kong, Germany, France, London, two nights in London.
New York, San Fransisco, Los Angeles. Back home.
I mean L.A., the dirty streets and shiny liqour bottles all over the part of the city where I used to live, the apartment complex I shared with Haruka is still there, I wonder how our old place was. I came to understand what home sickness was when I breathed in that polluted air.
"I missed my toxins" Seiko let out, hugging a light post with plastered flyers, I pulled her away from it, "unclean, unclean!" 
Tomo laughed but he was still jet lagged and sick from London, we all were, more importantly, the crew had already arrived at the venue, the house of black. "Back to your old job then, Chara?" I laughed,  but it was true. "I missed the pay, what can I say?"
There was a type of magic I liked to the House of Black, not just because I used to work there, but because there is a mood of peace and love, that I identify with. This was our first real world tour, on our own, and it sold out in ten days world-wide. We get to the hotel but we only have 4 hours before we have to get to the venue to rehearse and do the sound test, food is on the go, something Emily found on the street.

I barely got a few hours of sleep, make up back stage, and a very interesting phone call frmo Masake came an hour before curtain call.
"Hey Penny Dove, happy brithday"
oh right....  it's my brithday, I checked the crowd and surely they had presents, and signs, wow, we've all forgotten. It was then that I recieved a particular set or flowers on my table, from Masake, and a box. "Did you get it? I made them give it to you now, open it, open it!" I chucked, "What have you done now?" I opened the gold box, Cartier, it was a necklace with rings, interlocked, gold and diamond encrusted. "Masake..." "Read the inscription,baby." "My heart and soul, my Penny Dove."
"My heart and soul...I mean it, let's have a long and serious conversation about our future when you come back to Tokyo," "I want to do that too, where are you?"
"Barcelona, the crowd is restless, you got a few hours until show time?"
"One, it's strange isnt it? Your show time, my showtime,"
"We'll be together next month, is the e-mail making it easy for you?"
"No....I wanna see you more, but face time...is hard."
"Yeah, it's not so good for me either...I havent because of that."
"Barcelona is pretty far away,"
"So is L.A., I wanna hold you so badly, Chara."
"Me too, I miss you so much these days."
"Shall I fly out there, London can wait."
I laughed, "I can wait too, let's not forget our amazing fans, yeah, even though I miss you so much...."
"very much, we'll celebrate your birthday properly when we're together, a month will fly by, you know it does."
I chuckled, "I know, come up with something great, I 'll come up with something too...another thing."
"Yeah?"
"I wrote a song for you, I was going to perform it tonight, I'll put up on the site later...listen to it when you can, yes?"
"I'll look for it frantically, thank you so much darling."
"My love,"
"I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you."
"Masa,"
"Chara, they're calling me."

"Go, go and... be amazing"
"Thank you baby, good luck on your show, shine!"
London and Bareclona was far off , very far away. There was a pause, and I changed into my stage clothes, there came a knocking on the door, Seiko's voice, "Hey Charls, happy birthday, I got somethign here for you."
"Ha, what is it, door's open"
I heard her coming in as I was lacing up my jacket, "can you get the top laces, I can't reach them,"
"sure" the voice...I froze,"Haruka?" There he was, "Happy Birthday,"
This was bad, "Thanks, you're here, what a surprise."
He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, why lie, my heart felt it.
"It feels like we're back in time, doesn't it?"Haruka had a gift with him too, "What did you do?" mischeviously, trying to break off the mood, I took the bag, and looked inside.
"This is..." I pulled out a Loversoul jacket," vintage, from their Summer of Puresoul  Tour, limited edition, limited number only sold in three venues, signed by the members in forever ink, with matching serial number, and this was number 12, Haruka...how did you ever find this?"
"An auction a few years back, I saw it and...I had to get it for you, I just never had the chance to get it to you." It seemed like a metaphor, "Time is more of an ocean than a river, isnt it? tides never come in when you expect them to," He took it out, "try it on," I did , to break the mood. Ity fit a little big, but that was fine. "It's perfect!" I assured him, and I loved this jacket. "

// A new hope, its another day.

The  music was everywhere, Inisde me, outside me, in the world, out of this world.
Everywhere.
I want to know more about this world, the world named "Masake" a hidden treasure in my solar system.
It happened behind the blue curtains, and it happened again at my apartment.
The music was everywhere, he was everywhere.
The thing inside my chest was beating, fluttering, living for him.
Of course, I stood no chance, that love was too sincere, too frigid.
I was...in love again.
For the first time, had this love happened.
The morning air woke me up to a clinging Masake.
He was sound asleep, I storked his hair.
He was still sleeping.
I wanted to go back to sleep, but today I have an Interview with LeDDger Magazine, like usual he will return to his floor, and I'll see him again, in a call, or in an e-mail.
I dont want this to end not even for a second.
He was everything now. Everything to me.

The day was a rush, I was wearing Masake's undershirt and I didnt even realize until he pointed it out.
"Be sure to bring me one of your undershirts to make up for it,"
"But mine, are camisoles"
"Then, you must pay an extra price."
"Oh, what is it you want?"
"You gotta stay the whole weekend with me, we're going to Hawaii."
"I can't! work!"
"You can, Work can wait!"
"Sighs, you'd better kidnapp me."
"Done!"

The interview was stoic, but since the anime really picked up popularity and our song has been playing in every shop in akihabara, and shinjuku, we were getting recognize so rapidly. I had a photoshoot this weekend, and I can't miss it, but Masake is hard to say no to.
Our relationship was still secret, the only people who know are Tomo, Seiko and Emily, and maybe his manager too, I dont know.
The web is still non-the-wiser, the way it should be.
The interview is dragging on, and then a questions came up that caught my attention because it wasnt on the screened copy i got.
"We hear that ZeNa has many stops for the upcoming tour, is it hard to be away from your boyfriend, do you have a boyfriend currently?"
I had to pause, but...I chose to answer it despite Emily's tantrum at the segment producer, she signaled me to not answer that.
"I think that no matter what it is, touring is always going to be hard on us, but I can't answer the other questions. If I had a boyfriend, or if I did not, I can imagine it would be very difficult to be away from them, even day would be a long time, a week would be torture, but months...that would be hell."
The Interviewers was in awe of my answer, I smiled and nodded as she thanked me, and let me go.
Emily was already screaming at me in the elevator. "No one can know! No one! Why did you answer so ambigously, now they will follow you,"
"Oh calm down, it'll fine,"
But it wasnt.
After that interview, Masake picked me up on his convertible, dressed like a business man, I barely recognized him, and surely I was waking up next to him as the airline greeting rang, "welcome to Hawaii , aloha,"
There were times when Masake wanted to sleep, and like me he was tired.
I was barely getting started, but he was always tired.

// My best friend.

Friendship is something that was always a mystery to me.
I seen it happening, every day, everywher, people hanging out in groups talking about pop culture and what they had for breakfast. At school it was like a well kept secret, always walking behind these strange people, I wondered how they can manage it so easily?
Then, it happened to me, a girl approached me said she liked my style and what my name was. I twas that easy, but around this time they wanted to invade my world even more, the first time she finally came over to my room , she marveled at it. "I love it!" she examined the poetry headings I pasted all over my wall and played some music, she picked up a manga and asked for some water. I was happy, I finally had a friend. The happiness was shattered when a glass bottle hit my head. I was immidately unconcious, the next day she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I returned to my solitude, always wondering how normal kids lived their lives.
That day at Leila's apartment I was waiting for the cool girl next door to practice guitar, she was friends with Leila, but for the first time I wanted a friend, and  I wanted it to be her, I had met her before at a kareoke mixer Leila took me to, when I sang she praised me.
She had caught me watching her practice on the terrace a few times but today she hadn't started yet. Suddenly I heard a knocking on the door and went to answer, it was her!
I was startled and opened the door. "Yeah?"
"If you wanna see me play you can come over you know, I have a lot of  food my parents sent over we can hang," just like that, as if she'd known me forever. She cocked her head and smiled, that's when I noticed she had blue eyes, like mirrors. "I'm Seiko," and put out her hand, I shook it, "Charlotte, nice meeting you," I took the keys and locked the door and that's how it happened, easily.
Seiko told me how she admired my singing and how long I had been singing and that she wanted me to sing something for her while she played guitar. It was overwhleming but I soon noticed this was Seiko's nature. Fast talking and a creative vocabulary she swore loudly when she bumped against smething that inflicted pain, or at an annoyance. It contrasted to what a small asian girl would be, long Blond polytail swinging behind her, her roots were clear though,almost white. She had blue eyes, I wanted to ask why but it might be rude. She said it aloud before I could ask almost laughing but clearly cynically, "I'm an albino, it's why im mostly indoors during the day," "You don't go to school?" "Yeah, but at night, college is stupid but whatever," "You go to college, I thought you were still in highschool," "Nah, i did the GED thing, too busy to manage school," "What do you do?" "I go to college at night, meet with friends, with my stalker, do da shopping, norma tortured girl stuffs, and you home carriage? What do you do all day beside listen to japanese rock and sneak peaks at my guitar skills?" She was funny and I laughed at her clever jokes, I told her that I didnt know what  to do yet, and that's how our friendship began. Seiko loved my lack of social skills and convinced me to sing in her band, "but we're currently the only two in the band," it wasnt before Tomo wanted to hang out and talk about music, so I invited him to the apartment, with permission of course from Allie, he saw me and Seiko practicing and we became a band of three, as soon as he mentioned he plays bass and guitar.
Seiko is a little rash, and mischievous and loud but she's honest and head strong, I love that about her.
Seiko told me that she lived at the apartment by herself, her father is a business man and travels a lot, she said she was adopted but nothing else. It wasn't till christmas when I met her father I learned that she was born in a small village in korea, her father was visiting korea on business, her mother tried to drown her in the river, and was caught, Seiko was rushed to the hospital where her father was, doing business there he had an accident while on construction site for his companies expansion building, and while walking around he came to the children's ward, and he heard of Seiko's story, he met with her, and fell in love instantly, he made it a plan then to adopt her right one the spot as soon as he held her in his arms, he knew she was his child now. Seiko is embarrassed of the story but she doesn't deny of it. There anger in her eyes when he leaves to the restroom. "I always wish he'd leave the part about the river out, it's not something I like to be reminded of. I gave Seiko a hug, she protested but accepted it, Im glad seiko lived, I don't know what my life would be like without her in it.