A Billion Starry Nights

I think it's October now, not that I'm confused on months or anything, of course not, my days aren't blurring together at all, not like they used to.Those autopilot days seemed so surreal, and now I feel a tangibility, grounded, profound within myself. I feel real. Is that believable? I hope so, I need to sound sane for a change, and for a change I also need to stop looking at my phone on the way to the studio. The company car comes, I get in, sometimes I see Seiko, sometimes Tomo, sometimes  Erin, or even Mika. I never see Masake. Paris is a blur, a dream almost. Though I regret leaving, I promised myself that I would never allow another man to use my body as a punching bag, that is absolute. I should have made that vow when I i left home the night I can never escape, no mater how long its been, I should have learned from that, love doesn’t injure beyond repair and survive. Masake high and angry, and I don't want to live that way ever again, I want more than that, a...

When it came to Masake, it was like a lightning bolt, the attraction I felt towards him was instant, and not just because I'd seen him in billboards and listened to his music many times before. It was because when I saw that he wanted me, I knew I wanted him too. I want to forget every little detail about him. But it's hard to do something your instincts tell you don't make any sense, until you recall him, and...her. The staircase always brings trouble, I want to avoid them at all costs, I don't care if I get a million flashes to my face and bump into people and things. I don't want to live shady, not like that. I came back to the hotel today, I bought some clothes and groceries, a million flashes in my face since I took the subway today, by midday everyone knew where I was. I was meeting the band for kareoke today, and also Haruka. He divroced Nana a week ago, but he's been in Hawaii getting the paperwork worked over. It would have been simpler if they marr...