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Showing posts from September, 2015

//Terrible Love

Its a painful thing to have to let go of someone whom you have set all of your hopes for the future on. Masake was the first guy that convinced me he wanted to be my everything.  I could never understand the way it felt, the way that grasp of love he had on me made me think that it was going to be my life from now on back then ;to think we might have been married now. I might have even had his child by now, instead I'm carrying my luggage out of hotel and moving into my first apartment that’s just all me.  After the move back from Masake's place in Paris, I realized I had never been by myself since I was on my own, I’ve been on my own, but not alone. Here, I had always either had a hotel room full of friends or my manager, or staff waiting on me. I never ventured on my own, and now, at the age of 23, I feel it's long overdue. I remember when we left L.A., one last look at the Rothschild Hotel, luggage at hand as well, wondering how Seiko spent her summers in that penthouse....

Could this be?

We wanted to feel that way again, but as I held his hand on that beach, we knew it would never happen. The time that had gone by changed nothing. We could not go back, because we never moved forward, we were still there, on that beach like we are on this one. I moved the hair parted on the scar the Tsunami left on him, a permanent mark that will always haunt me as the moment I lost him, and he has told it is was his herring mark, but he couldn't recall the girl in the water. It was getting chilly, and he tucked me in his jacket like he used to. "I love you,"the words slipped out of his mouth as I moved the hair past those gorgeous hazel green eyes, the flakes sparkling, a little withered, fully there, really there. I kissed him in response.