//Constellation

Pleiades

At this moment, it was painful to breathe, even if I search in the mirror
I can't feel my own existence with certainty

With sadness along my cheek, I look up, out of the window
In the night sky, there are stars that can't shine alone

I was unable to notice. Even the sound of my own heart
It just has to become someone else's rhythm, and stay there without changing

I was searching for the meaning of living, the light seemed to fade

But

I don't forget the warmth of your hand, that I had ascertained

The night of shedding tears passed, in the midst of that, I opened my hand
I can fly, if I close my eyes... if the two of us could wish for that

The overlapping Pleiades that can't shine alone
I'll smile with you here again, without changing

so sweet pain...
be as one, forever&ever

the charming things i find in her, with every second she acknowledges this thing I am in, warming, and changing the cold inside of it, I fell into the sweetness poets call the feeling of 'love'. Becoming myself at age 32 I looked past the mirror and in the bed behind me, sleeping she was, dreaming, hopefully dreaming, of peaceful things. The gentle light of the morning making her hair glow as it strikes her from the sheerness of the curtains, the sounds of the city an echo, not waking her, and the stillness of the world at 6:02 am, a world still blanketed in dizzy haze that I find myself alone witnessing a miracle. Every moning is a miracle, every morning I wake up and see her, I know that it is real, that it's not a fantasy, that it is not a dream, when I see her there, wearing that ring around her finger, the sound of her breathing, the silhouette of her body in the sheets, I know the world is both a beautiful place and a cruel one. Thoughts like these, are something I have learned to live with, but as much as I know the pain, it is something I can withstand, whenever I see her there, and I know she's mine.

Today is a Tuesday, I'm still on Vacation, and she is still on vacation, we have exactly, a month and three days left before we return to our lives outside the hills of Beverly. However, truthfully, I wish were were back in Tokyo already, I missed my city, and hoped to scout more talent for the label, I understand that I need to relax, but it is so hard to do it when she's near me. It is silly, but I still think the more time she spends with me, the more she'll get sick of it, at least while in the city we get breaks, we miss eachother, here in this mansion of ours, we're alone and together too much, my head begins to wander towards dark places, and mu overwhelming need for security eats me alive. So stupid of me, but I can't help it, even when she wakes up and wraps her arms around me, softly speaking lovelier things, there is that chill behind in my mind that says 'she's lying' sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I can't help it, I love it more when i forget to repeat it to myself, because them its almost real, and that is good enough for me. I was reading a book, in the lounge, the tv was on, but i liked the voices talking, she cralwed into the couch with me and pressed her head against my chest, embracing me, 'Why do you always run away from me in the morning?' her voiced rolled off her tounge, with that angelic tone, almost singing it. I felt at peace and but my book down before holding her tighter. "Pleiades, I do not run away, I like to let you sleep, you seem so happy when you sleep.' she didn't answer only kiss my neck, and thank me for it. "You take care of me far too much, feeling spoiled, and you know, you should not spoil me." "oh, I know, but I find it hard to ignore every single wish you have, speaking of such, what do you want to do today?" there was a pause, then she snuggled against me, "Just this, only this." We did.
We stayed on the couch talking and kissing most of the day, the tv would be on, a movie or a show on, the audience to our dates. Then in the evening we would go out, like Vampires almost and dine sometimes shop, but on nights when she felt too much for me, we would drive around the city and take pictures, get stuck in traffic or look for an address or house we saw in the paper. It was easy doing that in Los Angeles. Playing all day with my wife, it was something soothing, almost like a movie, or a script, one I hope would never reach the final scene.

The Other type of Friendship

love. a hysterically ridiculous excuse to make one person special , and to have a warmer feeling in the contemporarily mundane everyday of our lives. I wanted to never know such joys, with my track record, and the oh so very charming displays of a so called love I grew to know, I knew I wanted no part of it. Slowy, however, I find it very hard to accept the things that human beings call feeings whenever he pays attention to me, when he’s near me, or the way my heart beats as if it’s a race car on days when I know I am going to meet him. this illusion of wanting something close to my heart, to suspend the pain of everyday a little less, to ease a meaning into waking up, it is an attractive idea, and at the same time I’m finding it very hard to hesitate.

Haruka showed up early to rehearsal, and so me tomo and he were the only ones there, I was in the middle of tuning Seiko’s red guitar, when he offered to do it for me, I grined and let him tune it. Tomo had gone out to smoke as his jacket was also missing and at 6:17pm Haruka leaned in to me and spoke. “