Skip to main content

//Another world, Another way.

"in this place where the soft wind blows"
"Oh," my cell phone just got a text. I was putting the dishes into the dry rack when it went off.  I dried my hands on the bottom of my dress and flipped it open from my shirt strap. "Meet me at Rummy's Table tonight? The guy's ditched me, I'll be waiting." I sighed and looked at myself in the window's reflection, not very beautiful today are we? I looked through my clothes and found something more decent to wear to the Jrock bar, but just as I was going to do my make up I decided on a simple eye liner and a little flashy vegan mascara a peach tinted lip balm as lipstick works fine too, why am I even dressing up? Haruka never told me he wanted something more than that. Seiko told me that Haruka had been in a few relationships but nothing very serious, she knows that he's got an impossible criteria for a girlfriend she however had always been captivated by Saga, "love at first sight both ways, I didn't know that was possible." And I knew it was because their love is so easy, they are both clear, Saga is blunt and adorable, I guess that's why she loves him, but what about me? What criteria's do I have? I wonder hmm... I've only been in love once, that foreign student who came to our school it was after my friends stopped talking to me because I wouldn't explain my bruises to them, they packed up and attacked me and then... he stopped them. B, I wish I hadn't fallen for him because he...fell for someone else, and I was left all alone, 'I was only trying to be nice, I'm sorry, I can't accept your feelings.' I think that's the worst thing you could say to anyone, being rejected isn't like a quick prick, it's a hot iron blade that constantly burns away at the flesh of your heart, and it never heals, even to this day I wonder, 'is being with me such a terrible fate?' I sigh a lot on the way to the bar, and Rummy's has a line so I get  in the Queue and wait for my turn to be let in, I don't have an I.D. but the doorman is Rikki, and I greet him as he lets me in. "Say hi to Oscar for me," he calls after me, I nod and head towards the crowd near the stage but that's not why I'm here, but where is Haruka? Then I see a silver lined jacket in the front row, not many people here yet but it's only 6, I can only think, "thank god I wore my Docs" as Oscar the bar man waves to me, I make my way to the bar and sit down on an empty stool. "Oscar!"  he gives me a head biow and puts down a glass filled wth something dark, "this is?" "Coke with lime," he says, I decide to trust him, and put a 5 in his tip jar, "thanks, Rikki says hi," he looks at the door, and I can tell that they are in love, "when will he stop that," his korean anticts are cute as he's flustered and embarrased, but I drink my drink and think think, "You love him?" he's preparing another drink while he thinmks  anbout it he hands it to the person and then comes back to me, "Yeah, I do love him, and he loves me, anyways what's this about love first time I seen you in a week and you ask about love, you in love Chara?" I think about it. "I don't--," "You don't what?" his voice is coy but it's him, I turn to my right and Haruka's sitting next to me, I can tell, a little drunk. "Oscar, another Jack Sparrow, now, tell me Chara-chara, you don't what?" I was frozen, oh yeah, "I don't think I've called you yet to tell you I was here, " I signal Oscar who nods away and takes more drink orders, Haruka however takes advantage and leans his head against my shoulder. "Thanks for coming, but I'm right here you don't have to call anyone anymore," "Yeah," My heart is rushing from his warmth, I can't be still, and yet, I want him to stay this way the club begins to stirr and even more people flock in. "Are you here for the band?" I ask, he shakes his head, "I came to meet with the owner, seems he's movings battle of the bands to some other place since too many bands signed up, he's an old friend so he gave me the scoop on who's running it now and where it's gonna be, you will be surprised." He got closer to me now, and then his face was against mine,  "Chara, I can't sleep with you in my dreams, but i really love that you come to see me today," "What? Haruka you're talking all wierd," he nodded, "Yeah, I shouldn't have had that drink earlier, anyways, I should be almost sobering up since it was just one, you wanna go on a date?" "A date?" he nodded, "well you look very beautiful today we can take pictures at the arcade, ride the sky line, what do you want to do?" "I...I want to sleep," the thought came out, but he laughed instead. "You tired too huh? Good idea, I wanna sleep too," he stuffed a 20 in Oscar's tip jar and we waved him good bye, but Haruka kept talking to me when we got back to my place he stopped asking me what kind of foods I hate and what he hates to drink and then suddenly he kissed me. "There," I was confused, "There what?"  "I've been wanting to kiss you since that other day and I couldn't be still until i did it again, maybe now I wont dream of you tonight."  I was confused but we were at my place and he headed towards the couch and fell asleep instantly. I was tired and he wasn't moving, not much sense asking him to move anyways, Seiko always snugs with Saga, even though she's a bit mean to him, but Haruka is ever sweet to me, and I'm just cold. I try not to think about what a mean person I am, and lie down next to him my back towards him, that should be enough I guess, at least until I can get used to this 'togetherness'. I was beginning to daze off when he wrapped his arms around me, 'come with me, to the underworld, follow that chain of memories, you'll find me, you'll find me." he sung in my ear, but I was tired, his fingers intertwined with mine, and I felt, that thing I've been looking for in all those corners of this city, I didn't know I'd find it here.

Something heavy was on my waist and I felt my hand was numbing I woke up in the darkness to a fluttering of a helicopter over head and I heard people talking in the kitchen the light was on from there but the heavy thing I was holding was lightly breathing and I felt it on me, oh that's right. "Haruka?" I called, but he was out, I turned my body to face him but I could faintly make him out, I ran my free hand through his face gently, making out his features, i remember a friend of mine told me she did this, and I never knew why but I know now, it's because...I can see him in my mind, and my heart is racing. I try to shake the feeling and as carefully as I can I break his hold on my hand and get out from under him, he stirs a little but doesn't wake up, I want to kiss him before I leave him but, I'm too embarrassed. I slip on my fluffy slippers and head to the kitchen away from my room, I hear Seiko and Shou talking, something feels off, and when I reach the kitchen I see that he's.... "Shou what's wrong?" my concern is overwhelming and I embrace him before I get an answer. "Nothing's wrong, nothing at all," but he cries even more and holds on to me, I turn to Seiko whom is concerned and sullen. "Seiko, what happened?"  She hesitates and then she says something that I never thought was possible, "Shou's heart broke today, the girl he's been chasing chose one of his friend's instead, and he doesn't know what to do--" Stop Seiko, n-no more, okay?"Shou'd grip on me didn't budge, I petted his hair as I do when he's drunk and leaning against me for balance. But this reminds me of something else, "You know, I'm sure you'll fall in love again Shou, but you guys really are hopeless romantics, I think haruka went through something similar before he asked me out, so you see, you might find that special girl, the very very special one, you just have to get passed this pain, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it, I know,' I hesitate, "I know what you're feeling," He looks at me guiltily, and then says, "Chara...after I...I am so sorry, I was a fool." I recall the pain but I shake my head and try to bare it. "It's fine, we're still friends, and beside, things worked out for me, you;ll see, they will work out for you too, besides, so many ladies chasing after you and many more will follow, so don't be so sad, you'll mend that heart in no time," he stared at me and stopped tearing, but Seiko started crying and went to her room in  a hurry. "Seiko?" Shou sighed, "It seems she got very emotional, maybe because she's always had Saga, she never had to worry about those things." "Don't talk about her like that, Seiko's a very warm hearted person, anyways, who is this girl, do we know her?" He stared at me again and looked to the corridor, I turned, "Haruka?" he seemed surprised that he was there, " Shou?" I was still hugging Shou I pulled away a little and tried to explain but Haruka bowed his head to him and came to pull me away from him. "It's not what you,--" "I know what it is, and I'm sorry man, but what were you hoping to achieve by coming here?" "Haruka?"
"I know...but I wanted...I wanted someone to talk to." "So you do know who she is, don't you?" Haruka was weighing somethin gin his mind and then I felt someone tug my arm, it was Seiko and she was better now, "Chara, why don't you come with me, I wanna buy dinner," "Umm ok, are you guys gonna be ok?" they both nodded,  but I felt a stange thing too, hmm i wonder who that girl is.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

// I wish time would stand still, me like this, you like that."

I remembered not so long ago, I read a comment a friend made of me and of Haruka, she called him my Terry. I didn't understand it, until I asked Seiko, Seiko threw her entire collection of Candy Candy on my lap and I read them gradually as we toured in Hokkaido. I understood it then, that he was Terry, because he was just like him, his role in my life, but... did that make me Candy? Or Susannah? Because he stayed with Susannah? The reason I'm with Haruka now has nothing to do with him being guilty of me, what of? But, If I'm Candy, does that mean...that I'll lose him some day? Why didn't she run to Terry when she saw him on that stage? Why did it matter tht he had to stay with the girl who black mailed him into marrying her? Why? I do not understand it, if she really loved him she would have let him go, but i guess that's what Candy did, she let him go, because she loved him, because she felt guilty, because she felt her love reflected in another. the...

I met you that day, I lost my mind, I found my heart, and I could breathe again, calmly.

 I was never a fan of what people call ' soul mates .' In fact, I never believed the concept had any standing in the real world. It's a fantasy that people tell each other, like there really is one person curated for our every wish and want and need. I think we have a say in this world, not a soul mate, but a person, tangible and grounded, and on that ground we find that ours is even, not a mound or a hole around us, and we can walk together on that path. The souls we seek are like this, on the same path, and they are our chosen family. I think that's a stronger bond, family, I haven't had the best relationships with my own kin, but my friends and him ...I think I chose them as my family. I wasn't used to the type of attention Masake bestowed upon me, I wondered if it was my voice, people seemed to be captivated by it, I'm grateful for that, but is that what he was after? Perhaps it was my body that attracted him to me, I am on the heavier side of a medium ...

//he became the sun.

There were things about Los Angeles that I loved, living with crazy seiko who loved to paint on the brick wall and make instant foods was fun for me, Tomos constant sleeping waiting for his shift at the Hollywood cemetery was comforting I studied at work when t wasn't busy but I wasn't hitting my assignments and my sister was worried. The thing I didn't like about Los Angeles though was that Harris didnt live here he was still living in long beach because his college was full on dorms, so he took the metro here every day sometimes his car he had a very nice Volvo, I wonder if he has money not because I want it, but because I feel embarrassed and somehow below people with money but unlike those girls that made me feel awful about myself and my household income Haruka has never given me that vibe, I wonder what it is and does it have to do with the tightening on my chest when I think about him, I feel as I'm passing a big piece of bread that is stuck inside my throat and...