// " En el Olvido"

Apart from the piece of glass sticking into my arm I was fine, I wanted to be fine, but as I heard Haruka call my name for the last time, " Mars..." another sound took over my pressence a loud wooden breaking sound, splinters flew around me, with other large chunks that scattered in the darkness I could hear them, and feel them, and there above me he stood, my soaring one. "Oh God, Charlotte..." was the first thing he said, I couldn't see him but I knew it was him, I'd recognize that faint scent of Richmond cologne he wore. More words were spoken then, but I don't know what they were, they were muffled, rather, my head was spinning in that darkness, and suddenly--


She was so skinny when she was born, Charlotte nearly killing herself after slipping on the glass fragments of a picture of Haruka, yeah I went back. she said she slipped, but I knew better, she wasn't eating anymore, she locked herself in that closet knowing she wouldn't return, for a moment in my life I accepted that, until I realized that she wasn't taking my child from me, no, she wasn't going to get away with that, not Charlotte, not a murderer. She was still a few months to be due, but I made her stay in the hospital, even after the first encounter with me, she begged me to come into the room after Seiko said I was there waiting outside. "Come in," she spoke so frailly, and when I saw her the sock set in all over again, when I picked her up from the ground she weight almost nothing, and now seeing her I'm surprised she didn't collapse earlier, not eating for a few weeks, not drinking water for 5 days, Charlotte..."How dare you," were the first words out of my mouth. She met my hostility head on, accepting it, but no appologizing, just accepting it. "Do it, go on,I want you to, if that's what you need." I held my mouth though, and approached her,  Seiko knew it as a sign to leave, and went away. "How could you?"  I placed my hand on hers, she just shook her head, "I don't want to live here anymore Shou, on this planet, on tthis plane of existance, I just can't do it anymore, I wanted to , I tried, but I just...his absence hit me when I was happiest. I used to turn around when he wasn't next to me, and there he'd be, always, right behind me."  The tears came suddenly, because I remember this minute detail as well, I remembered how he'd follow close to her, and when she turned around he'd be there, either carrying sometihng for her, or  just watching her, always behind her, like a security net. When I took her to Los Angeles and we were having a weekend at a music festival I saw her make his gesture again, several times, I haven't seen her that happy since...well since before the earthquake. I think I told her a joke and she laughed, and laughed, and I leaned in to kiss her, but her turned her head around, and that smile diminished.

// MILES AWAY: "Aoiko Gahara"

A strange name, stranger than I thought was whom it belonged to.
My mom had moved back to Hakodate and she left the house in L.A. to Adagio, I was taking a break from my tour it was finally over and i just wanted to relax specially after breaking up with Ama, the last thing I wanted to do was be in Tokyo or in Japan for that matter.
I got my things from the airport and took a cab to the house, traffic wasn't that bad, but the ups and downs of the hills really got me sick, when I got to the mansion it was like another world, and I just wanted to take a swim and begin my four month break. The break was stratigically dated so that I could finish my last year at my collage USC, I heard my dad was a bit of a genius when it came to astronomy and that he gave that up to pursue music and he never got a chance to finish his studies. I think I might have inherited that gene because for some reason I can name every constillation and track stars and make charts like it's childs play. In some way I am a child here, though my worst subject is Literature this semester I'll just have to deal with it. I am also hoping no one will recognize me, it's the last thing I need specially after what happened.

Zestubou is finishing his last semester of college and a completion of a bachleors in Astronomy, he spends a lot of his time at an observatory near his home this is where he meets Aoiko, a sensitive painter who often comes to paint the scenery at the observatory, when he asks Zestubou to move from a place he refuses to do this and so he paints him in there unknown to him that his painting was on display in the same college the following week. This is when he confronts him and asks him why he painted him, he explain and they get into an argument, that is when an earthquake hits and Zetsubou protects Aoiki from a falling tree branch, though it was a minor earthquake it did do some damage, Aoiki helps Zetsubou who's arm was hurt by carrying his things and offering to drive him around, Zetsubou however is stubborn and just asks him to go away, but after seeing Aoiki's hurt face he decideds to let him pamper him, this follows Aoiki painting him more often, after seeing his paintings some very intimately painted he asks him why he choses to paint him. At this point however Zestubou's start charts are resembling aoiki's name in Japanese, he finds himself staring at him, these feelings confuse him, and then when he watches the way he paints he finds that his fingers are short but his hands look delicate, his face is oval shaped, his eyes are hazel his hair is dyed black. They fall in love and Zetsubou realizes that this is the first time he's fallen in love, and it was with a boy. This confuses him and he asks him mom if she knew he was gay, she admits to his surprise that she knew, he just wanted him to realize it first.  Adagio is also a painter and knows Aoiki from a few contests and gallery's though Adagio goes to a private college he knows him. In short as he's attending his semester he gets to know Aoiki better, and realizes that he's fallen in love with him. All those insecurities he's always had about Ama suddenly make sense, he was gay. He asks his mom whom is visiting if she knew he was gay, she admits to him that she did, but it wasn't her place to make him realize it he needed to find himself. He tells her that he loves Aoiki, but he's afraid something might happen, he's worried about the media and about his fan base, she tells him then things he's never heard of, about her break up with Masake, about how shortly after the public knew she was suddenly engaged to Haruka and that it happened in the blink of an eye she had to face a lot of criticism and hate from fans of hers and Masake's lots of jealousy and lots of demeaning things, but it died out because she ignored it. She ignored all of those things and instead of being photographed guiltily, she was happy all the time,  I was too busy being in love with your father that everything else didn't matter, I could have been on fire my flesh melting off, and I'd have been oblivious to that.

// "Just let me go."

It was too good to be true.
Impossible. Unprecedented. Unreal. A lie.
I opened my eyes, surely last night was a dream, but there was the sight I had longed for, and that warmth, that even after all these years is so eerily familiar to me, and could never be filled by anyone else, no matter how much I wanted it to be. "Saturn," the words were like a breathe escaping my mouth, but he gently inhaled in and out  the soft morning breeze tousling his long hair across his face, some of it bruhsing against my cheek, and the tickling sensation let me know I wasnt dreaming. "My Saturn, How?" I must have repeated that a few times, my heart didn't know what to do, last night I thought I might have died for sure, this felt too real, and here I am next to the universe I thought I lost to a black hole, where have you been? What you done witout me in your life? Did you fall in love again? Why has it been so long? I want answers from you, I want to know everything you did and everywhere you went without me knowing, I can't be still until I know.  That desperation hit me again like last night I held on to him tighter and I suddenly felt his arms pushing me back a little, "not so tight darling," like candy, soft candy, a sweetness inside that voice, and just the mere joy of it made my eyes water and my heart melt.  i looked up to him and pressed my nose against his, like last night, he did this to me.

Like so many nights before, I had walked out to beach, down the path with the long tall grain fields over look the ocean, down that road on the cliff was where Haruka's Memorial was, his grave, really only containing the pieces of his jacket they recovered from the site of tsunami, it was found about 15 miles away, it caught the attention of a relief worker who was also a fan , and knew, only one jacket like this existed in the world, it was shredded nearly, but the pattern and the contents of the pockets that were still in tact made it even more a solid case, Haruka 

[Author's Summary;
Haruka has been in a comatose state these past 17 years, after Haruka disappeared in the tsunami he washed up along with many others along the coast of a local island not far from kyuushou, he would have been dead but when a rescue volunteer saw him in the water she took him to the small clinic the little island had there they didn't know who he was and he was there for a few months. While this happened Charlotte and the rest were looking for him and taking care of Zetsubou their activities were suspended since a lot of thigns in Japan went to shit, in the words of Seiko "It was like the end of Japan." Two months after the incident, the company decided to throw them back into a tour, at thsis time  Haruka had been found and the first person contacted was Saga, according to his lawyers who were also looking for him Saga had power of atourney in case he was in a vegitative state, but that Saga would decide to keep him alive or not, if he refused this to give it to Shou, which he did. Shou  decided to keep him a live and as to Haruka's wishes let Charlotte believe he was dead so that she could move on with her life. unkowing to him when the search for Harua was called off and Saga staged the crew finding his jacket torn and shredded

The Siren Cut off her fins

I'm tired... so tired of all of this.
Last night I lost my voice in the middle of "underworld" I looked out into the crowd blurs, dotted blurs no faces, and the flashing lights the followed, my eyes leading to a big screen across the crowd Tomo walking over to me, Seiko talking to Erin a worried look on their faces, before Tomo could put his hand on my shoulder he said something, maybe my name, I'm not very sure. I lost my mind, and stormed out of the Arena, I must have ran past the cars and the crowds because when Shou caught me I was covered in rain already, I pulled away from him, and his words that I couldn't hear, i didn't want to hear them. Coursing through me was a cosntant feeling of longing, that verse set me off... "there's so many things I want to give you but I can't do that anymore." It rang inside my head, and I kept running, that verse from the old house lingering inside my head, 'run away....runaway," I hit the station now, and  stomach is in knots,  my feet hurt from al the walking, from the running, but still, I can't see to stop, and I'm wandering down the street soaked to the bone, not caring if anyone is noticing me in this rain, I don't know if they are looking for me or not, but I don't care, I won't go back there, how can I? Explain what? What they must be thinking, "she was bound to crack any day now" I just refuse to accept that he's dead, they never found him, no, they never did. He must be out there still among the wreckage, maybe in a clinic in a small town? maybe his body drifted towards korea near one of the smaller japanese islands? It's possible!
Somehow, I make my way back to my apartment,  I stare at the door, and I can almost feel him with me, waiting for him to punch in the code and slide the door open as he often did, and I am reminded he wont do that anymore, so I do it instead. I don't bother kicking off my shoes, I go straight for the living area, but mom is there along with Michio and Saga who comes over and removes my jacket in exchange for his, "What happened to you?" is the first thing out of Michio's mouth, he's obviously livit and Saga's expression matches his a little but it's gentler  still as he adjusts his jacket on me and scans my face for an answer, as he says "Where did you go? Seiko covered for you, but her voice isn't yours, why are you all wet, didn't you see the rain?"  but I'm not listening to them I glaze over Saga's concerns selfishly and grab Michio's shoulders, compelled almost to whisper the words, "I don't think he's dead, I don't think he's really dead."  He stares into me, but I avoid his eyes and focus on his skin, until I can't help but look into them, his honest brown eyes, and his expression is frozen, but I see it, the fading sparkle in them sorrowful. I'm not convinced by that, I try to pull away, but he holds on to me with his hands on my wrists. "Charlotte, you have accept the things as they are, after months of combing the area they have not found him, only partial remains have been found of other victims in that surrounding area, partial, my dear," I shoke my head immidiately unmoved, "They never found a bit of him at all though, that could mean something," Saga was beside me then, his hand on my shoulder, "Princess, it broke my heart too, all of ours, you aren't suffering alone, and we thought about that too, but if someone found him they would recognize him, don't you think?" He had tears in eyes, and it hurt me to remind him, because he lost his brother too, and I felt all of his pain because it was mine, because it's still mine as well. I wasn't moved though, No, I wasn't thinking about that,my mom had just come back from the twins' room, I looked at her, almost hoping she might share some hope with me, "Maybe they hadn't recognized him at all, right mom? Maybe he's out there, waiting for us to find him, or finding his  way back here,"  I looked at her hopefully, but she immideately bursts out in tears and turns away. I shake my head, but this frustrates Michio and he shakes me by my shoulders in frustration, "Snap out of it Charlote, you're talking nonsense, you're tired, you should take a break from your activies for a while, I'm suspending them all, get out of the city, and take your time to properly grieve." I can only scoff at this though, "tired? You don't think I'm tired, you think I'm crazy, don't you?"  his expression is heart breaking an painfully he looks away from me, a heart beaking expression that  cannot sway me like it used to when I hurt him, but I will not be swayed. "Haruka must be alive somewhere, I'm going to look for him, and i will find him, and I don't care if you don't help me, I wont stop until I find him." Michio didn't say another word, he took me in his arms and gave me a squeeze, hesitating he looked at me, shiny eyes, dark though, and he walked out the door. Saga stood there just staring at me, and finally he said almost hesitating to though with an unsure expression and a soft voice the kind he used when he told me Nana was dating Haruka, "I thought that too once," my heart was hoping he might share my thoughts, "You did?"  He nodded, but then i saw the tears swelling up and he turned away from me I knew I couldnt count on him, "I didn't want to tell you this, but they found part his jacket 50 miles away from Kyuushou, the same one he wore that day, it was in shreds, almost like some animal ate at it, and there was a lot of blood, I don't know why, but Charlotte" I was motionless,  staring at him learning this new information and then it hit me, that golden cube I thought it was sand, but it wasn't heavy at all, and now I knew why, the jacket was inside, "no matter how much you search, he wont return to us, you need to let that illusion go, Princess before you get lost in the underworld."  He leaned down to me and, gave me a kiss on the cheek I was still motionless from this revelation and left the apartment during that time, but my feet were still tired in that wave of shock I felt the pressure unwind and hit the floor hard, so hard my face slammed into the coffe tables glass and shattered the corner, it dug into hand which instinctively rose to protect me in the fall.
As I felt the warmth of the blood run to the wooden floor, leaving me with a gut wrenching feeling,my eye caught a look of a picture on the wall I felt as if nothing could bind me to this earth anymore. I lost that thing that kept me alive all those years ago on Venice beach before the blood in my mouth swelled into the sandy water, it had a name, but i forget those small details, my eye was still distracted by that thing on the wall,  a beautiful sparkle, almost like a star beside me, I was looking at it, but the star didn't seem to blind me, my Saturn I knew it then, even though Saga just crushed my hope, yes that's what it's called, that he was still alive, "I'm coming for you, wait for me there."