In one thise days in which i tend to think "just another ordinary day"

We've crossed paths you de ided tomliok upon thise blue eyes that now walk besudd you

Dver dincvthe moment incwhich i met you

Pressuming time has come to a stop

I seear ive becer told anyone ekse that we have the worls revord in loving eachother

Thats why i wad waiting with tears rilling down my cheeks waiting for you to show up with a thousand roses fir me

Brcause tou know that i live things like that diesnt matter if its silly im like that

And i still think its a lie that my life will pass me by imagining that you will come by here again where wvery friday every afternoon hope tells me "be patient, maybe..."

Escaping a night from an array of sun you asked me to give you a kiss

Knowing how cheap those are my love what does it cost you to shut me with one of those?

Six months passed by and you bid good bye its been a grwat pleasure in life

I was left there in one hand my heart in the ither excuses that even confused you

Its just the im starting to think true love is the first.

 its just im starting to suspect that all the rest are just to forget.

//Looking for you, here, in the sand.

It was nearing the summer, at te end of august would be the anniversary of when I first met Chara...well, unofficially, I wonder if she knows that, I'm right here on the sand again, Venice, the utter beating of my pulse can be resonated in the distant drumming further down the sandbar, and I had a decision to make.
I got the letter from LCU, I'm one of the 40 students chosen to continue my studies under a special teaching program, I'd be learning directly while applying myself to the field of quantum mechanics, developing, the thesis on developing a thin film from cabornated strip mixed with various chemicals, it is a start to using dark matter, to swallow the light matter. This thesis was too good, even my mother praised me for it, but this oportunity is....a bit a curse rather than a blessing.

For the first time in my short life I know what it's like to really be in love with someone, the rushing of my heart beat when she's near me, when she's benathe me, and calls my name, I swear I think my stupid heart might explode at any moment. I clutch my heart just recalling the emotions that flow inside of me, and the name written all over my lips, all over these arms, all over me.

I don't want to leave her, I have this feeling that's haunting me, almost as if, I've met her by chance three times before I decided I wanted her in my life forever. If I were to leave, I have a feelings that I will not see her again, something's talking to me, and I know how it sounds, and I would say the same thing, "throwing your life away for a woman? How pathetic!" I sigh at the thought of my parents comments, I know...they wouldn't like Chara, not only because she's younger, but because she's living with me. Yet, I don't regret any of it, meeting Chara bruised and bleeding, later learning it came from borken ribs and punctured lungs, internal bleeding might have killed her if I didn't notice it. No...I take the letter from inside my jacket, my old one, so technically Chara's Jacket now, I want to tear this piece of paper, but.... I look out to the sea, it's pretty when its getting dark like now, the distance between me and the lights of the city shinning, reflecting off the water's caresses against the shore. These smooth sounds relax me and my mind becomes clearer, stars...and I take the piece of paper and bury it beneath a handful of sand. I miss my Chara, just a few hours...I can't imagine, my music, my beauty, my brain. Which one of these will be my end?

I get into the city late because of the traffic, I decide to pick up Chara from work so I send her a message, I'm already a few blocks away when she messages me back. "Ok, I'll be waiting outside then since I closed up already," Damn, I don't want her waiting outside in the cold. It was about 10 minutes until I reached her workplace, but she was right out front, arms over herself and shivering slightly but her jacket was lightweight and cold handle most of the col d Los Angeles air. “You took your sweet time,” she laughed and came to get into th passenger side. it's cold tonight,” I muttered, and greeted her, “Sorry, traffic gets stupid around this time I forgot.”  I felt the beating of my heart soften, almost like Ive been wrapped up into a fluffy blanket or I felt kitten’s fur, or things are finally things that make me feel happy. “It’s okay, I’m not even mad I just like being dramatic” we shared a laugh and I ruffled her hair, I pulled her into a hug with my right arm as we drov off back over the bridge and into the highway cutting through the city. 

I felt ashamed, that I could have thrown this away just because I feel the pressure for a college education, I do want to continue it, but I know how fast you can lose someone, and I didnt want that to happen with her. She talked to me about her day, how the iced coffee she got next door was too cold and too sweet to how she finished her days school work in just under three hours, and how she was excited over getting pizza tonight because its usually expensive to deliver, but we’re walking to the new place across the street now that its opened. I was excited about that too, truth be told, I wanted to tell her about the news I got earlier, about the conversations I’ve had with my family and friends over it, how I wanted to stay with her here in LA, with the band 

//Traveling

It thought the moment was right
Finally, it would be coming true
I've heard so much about your silence
they say that it drags on like the sea

I filled with books all of my suitcase
also pictures of yours from the old days
I scribbled your smile next to my own
I slept with your coat on the sofa

I wanna be by your side
I wanna look at you and feel
I wanna lose myself waiting
I wanna love you or die

and in that moment I saw your gaze searching for my face
that january 20th morning getting off from the train
I asked myself what would the rest my life be like without you
and since then I love you , i adore you and love you all over again

I took a sleepless train
and saw your face within a crystal
it was a reflection of the midday's sunlight
it was a poem of love to travel with

I wanna be by your side
I wanna look at you and feel
I wanna lose myself waiting
I wanna love your or die

and in that moment I saw your gaze searching for my face
that january 20th morning getting off from the train
I asked myself what would the rest of my life be like without you
and since then I love you , i adore you and love you all over again

I lost you, and i wont lose you again
never again will I leave you behind
I searched for you very far away from here
I found you thinking of me

and in that moment I saw your gaze searching for my face
that january 20th morning getting off from the train
I asked myself what would the rest of my life be like without you
and since then I love you, I adore you, and I love you all over again

//


I want to build a country with you
so that words like patriotism or what tomorrow will bring
banners, nation, borderline, race or destiny
had some sort of meaning to me

and limiting the rate with a million friends
to the south with all your passions, to the east with the sea
to the north with the secrets ill never tell you
to guard them closely if you want to take them over

if you want to do it too, if you really crave it
then  dont think on it, come with me, that makes two of us
why dont you take my hand, and we'll take this ship
celebrating with a kiss, tha today is today

that our patriotism exits whever we may be
that everything will be closely if we are close
that our patriotism exists whever we may be
that everything will be closely, if we are close
come lets go

I'd love for our country to have
an immese armada of caresses beneath the sea
so that wne nighttime comes I'll light two candles
to invade you by surprise intimately

and our inhabitansts will be the smallest in the world
however, also the largest of all that I have seen
honestly I tel you, the anthem I write is sincere
I talks of many countries, like people living in those countries

if you want to do it too, if you really crave it
then  dont think on it, come with me, that makes two of us
why dont you take my hand, and we'll take this ship
celebrating with a kiss, that today is today

that our patriotism exits wherever we may be
that everything will be closely if we are close
that our patriotism exists wherever we may be
that everything will be closely, if we are close
come lets go

That everything will be closely, come lets go, you and I
 //
Just like the stupidest of the heard of mosquittos
I follow your light even though it might kill me
I follow you like those dots follow the ends
of suicidal sentences that search for an end.

just like the poet that decides to works as a teller
it would be worst case scenerio, that I
would like put an iron lock on my  poor heart
and tearfully signing this confession

Im quiet because its easier to ignore it
Im quiet because my heart mind has won over my own
but whatever happens ,happens, that someone else is with me
quietly I'll love only you

just like a loud person think movies are to escape in
just like a solitary flower decors an elegant study
I promise to call 'my love', the first one that doesnt hurt me
and laugh cynically to think that I've forgotten that I haven't forgotten you

but, just like a wait, like they waitn in the palazzo of May
I swear to hide this secret, if perhaps and or maybe
by a stroke of luck I might see you again
reducing these words to just a scrap of paper


Im quiet because its easier to ignore it
Im quiet because my hearts mind has won over my own
but whatever happens happens, that someone else is with me
quietly I'll love only..
Im quiet because its easier to ignore it
im quiet because my hearts mind has won over my own
 but whatever happens, happens, that someone else is with me
quietly I'll love, quietly, I'll adore, quietly I'll be thinking only of you

///

//When time comes you'll understand.

These days things happen naturally.
With Haruka beside me every morning, and this immense love I feel, of those secrets I quietly cling to, of the distance between me and everyone else except for him.
I want to kiss him, and when I do, he lights up, the light of my life, I wonder sometimes how I could have survived without him all this time. My only soul...."My only soul."

I want to care more for him, but I haven't had much knowledge about it, in the practice room I watch Saga doting on Seiko, getting her something to drink, I do the same. Asking about her day, I do the same, sometimes he randomly kisses her, I do the same. There isn't a reason for my wanting to become closer to him is there? Everytime I do these things he looks happier and happier, but when Saga does these things Seiko gets so annoyed she bites and pushes him away, we laugh sometimes, but always Seiko brings him closer to her. I wonder how they fell in love, because if I had to define two people who look truly made for eachother it's these two.

Walking home after practice I hold Haruka's hand, "You cold?" he asks coyly and wraps his right arm around me, "taking off early?" I hear Shou call, we turn in unison and see the two groups chattering away, "You guys going off on a date aren'tcha?" Tomo teases, I can't help but become embarrased and hide my face in Haruka's jacket, "awww, leave em alone," Seiko chuckles, god how embarrasing, I wanna just go home and lay down beside Haruka and talk. He gives me a squeeze, "Where you guys going to head to?" unexpectedly these words dissapoint me. I want to be alone but he..."Kareokke at Tamoyo's, tonight imported beer pitcher's half off, come on!" To my dismay Haruka pulled me with him, though I naturally followed him anywhere he went, and so off we went, and I hate that I'm so dissapointed, I want to be alone, I love my friends but...I feel that if we aren't alone, I can't talk to him like I want to.
I say nothing on our way but Haruka notices my mood, "I'm gonna buy some cigs here, and catch up with you guys, that cool?" "Sure, get me a ack as well," "Me too," Seiko calls. He let's me go, and I become cold rapidly, frozen to the pavement, he doubles back and takes my hand, "Come on, I wanna talk to you, my mars," the pet name eases me,and makes my heart melty, but I know words I want to hide will come to light in a few seconds,  there is a strom in my stomach.
He leans against hte side of the shop next to a flower garden, and pulls me in, I look away from those hazel eyes that I swear can read my mind, but he pulls my jaw towards him, and searches my face for something. "What's in there, I can't see it without my glasses, tell me."
I shirt my gaze to the flowers, back to his jacket, to my nose, anything to avoid it. I remain silent.
Time could have gone on and I wouldnt have noticed, the sadness and shamefulness for the feelings I have overwhelm me and I can only cloe my eyes and shake my head.
the shaking begins, he sighs. "Come here,"
Haruka's a very gentle person, somehow I know this movement of him, and I look directly into those eyes. "We...did we meet before Halloween?"
There's a widening of his eyes and he closes his eyes, grining slightly he embraces me even more. "Perhaps in another life," I sigh this time, because those mystic ways of addressing my questions are a point i adore about him, and that cool voice whispers to me. "are you mad because I'm taking us to kareoke instead of home?" I bite him, this reflex happens without my noticing and he chuckles. "That so? Ahh...how did you become this adorable?" Me? "I'm not....you really do need your glasses." He nudges his nose against mine, the pressure brings a stange pleasure and his warm breath on my cheeks is making me swoon, why it is that when he's this close and melty I want him to hold me closer? I wrap my arms around him and press my lips against his. I can feel it from him too, somethin dangerous behind those kisses and the way his fingers press on the small of my back and lightly on my hair, those hazel eyes entrap me, some loving desire in them, I think this is what they call passion.
bite him again and he bites me back chuckling, "You gonna eat me alive one of these days I just know it." I bury my face in his chest, he really is too tall, and sigh. "Is it silly that I got mad over hanging out with our friends? I feel bad....but, I thought you wanted to be alone as well," he embraces me and begins to rock sideways, I feel like a child he's consoling, but somehow this is a very lovely gesture, and I feel like maybe he is my family now, this affection, it's making my heart race and I feel safe and never want to let him go. "my Mars, I'm not mad, and it's not silly...I think it's normal to want to monopolize me, after all, I am pretty amazing," I chuckle at this, "Ahh...that is true, hmm." I'm lost in this embrace, it's feeling too good, "You're much more amazing, I'm not just saying that because you've become my own, but I want to be with you forever, spending a few nights with our friends that love us as well and have fun with us, that's a fair compromise, don't you think it's fair for them to bask in our company as well?" This intelligent and gentle way of talking... I wonder where he found such words, who taught them to him, he says something in japanese I don't understand, except for the part where he asks me if I understand. "Boku wa modotte boku ga ie o yobu basho ni o-dzure shitai, anata ga rikai shite imasu ka?" I think it's important, but whatever he's said... "Wakarimashita" these words bring back that smile, I love it, I kiss him, and that night turned out to be great, I sang a song with Shou, and we all laughed at Tomo and Saga's duet of "Dove's cry" so many songs we've forgotten and of course we sang Loversoul. I wanted to capture the moment in a picture, but Seiko took plenty of picture with us in fun posses, at some point I was taking a drink and he pulled me in to her and kissed my cheek, it took me by surprise but before I had time to complain to her about the drink all over my shirt, she was doign the same to Tomo, and then Erin, "she's drunk," a very tipsy Saga exclaimed. "The demon must be stopped, heey, heey HEY photo demon-chan, come here, come and save me." We all laughed at their drunk exchanges, something warm inside my heart. i realized it then what Haruka was telling me....without words, maybe he wanted me to realize...'this is our family.' I caught his gaze on me across the room he was drinking with Shou in a corner, he smiled warmly at me and said something I didn't understand , they must have been talking in Japanese Shou looked my way, something strange in the way he looked at me, it was there for a second, then gone. I must have been the booze, maybe I was drunk, I look back at Haruka who was now opening another bottle,  when I spotted Shou again he was back to his normal happy self. I spent the night singing, but...I recalled that look of Shou's, I know where I saw it...the day I came back from San Fransisco with Haruka, we were so tired and had the day free of work and school, we slept in his room until dusk, I got up to get a drink, and caught Shou just getting home from him job as a host at a restaurant. It was awkward, I thought that's what it was, but as he said hello to me, there was something underlying...maybe it was guilt, something sad and unreacheable, maybe he wishes he never knew about my feelings. "Hello, Shou." the words came naturally, and I acted as if nothing happened, because really, I knew he'd never return my feelings, besides, he's a good friend, I'd rather have that... than nothing. I got a bottle of water, when he asked me what I was doing in the apartment. "I'm here with him, he's sleeping, don't worry I'll leave soon," he didn't say anything after, when I left Shou was already gone, a note on the table. I happened to see it as I was leaving. "Welcome back, catch a drink tonight? Text me! - Shou." I made up my mind then, I tuned the note around, there was a picture of something the paper was ripped from the paper in a corner I took a pen from my bag and scribbled, "I love your smile Haru, I really do. Will you keep smiling with me like we did at SF? - Chara." I realized it then when i wrote those words, I loved Haruka, my heart became melty and I wanted to return to that bed with him and stay close to him, but I had things to take care of, living this way can be tiring sometimes, but...if I can stay with that lovely guy sleeping in the room with the blue walls, I think I can find the happiness I never thought could exist.

// The Beach

I'll write you the most beautiful song this world's ever known.
Capture ur long story within jusgt a second
and someday youll see that this crazy can't be forgotten
as long as, as long as the years may pass in your life.

Come, get closer, come and embrace me
smile once again, and remember Paris
become my sorrow

Let me pass, another afternoon
tell me where ahve you gone to, where do you wait in silence friend
I wanna be with you give you my affection, give you a kiss
see your eyes basking in mine forever, good by my heart

Come, I want to talk to you
Come take a stroll again
Let us play a game in which I was your princess

Come, do it for me
Return always to me.

Tell me where have you gone to, where do you wait in silence friend
I wanna be with you give you affection give you a kiss,
 see your eyes basking in mine, forever, good bye my heart

thee is noplace that can make me forget the time I spent
walking on those alleys beside to you
come I wanna see, why did you leave without me
I always had something to say to you

Tell me hwere have you gone, where do you wait in silene firend
 I wanna be with you and give you my affection, giveyou a kiss,
See your eyes basking in mine, forever, good bye my heart

there is nothing that can make me forget the time that's past wont ever come back
there is nothing more, good bye my heart

//

second set, I wrote this song for you,,, are you there?

I don't know if you recall me,
We've met before at a time,
me, you the sea and the sky
and whom brought me to you

you emrbaced my ambraces
watching closley at that time, evern though it was first
safely hid it for me

if I were to be bron once again
I'd watch you rise every sunrise
smiling, like always, at that certain time

Im going to write you the most beautiful song in the world'
im gonna captue our story wihtin just a secon
and some day youll say that this craze isnt jut a haze
for as long as you live the rest of your ears

the day we parted
on this beach, my life
i made you a promise
,that i'd se you here again
mosre than 50 summers from today we havent seen eachother
nor you, nor the sea, nor the sky
nor whomever brought me here

if I were to be born once againI'd watch you rise very sunrise
similing like awayls , at that certain time

I'm going to write you the most beautiful song i the world
im gonna capture our story within just a second
and some day your see that this craze isnt just a haze
for as long as you live for the rest of your years

//Whisper in my ear...

"Just let me go through," Masake ignored me though and kept blocking my path, I was too tired to argue, I walked around him but he blocked my path again. This was too stupid, why is he... "Why are you so mean?" The tears followed and I couldn't stop, this man.....is very cruel, and now...when I need you....
"Where the hell are you?" My heart couldnt take this pain, why is it still there? Why does it have to hurt so much, why , why until when? How much more of this will I have to endure, how much?
"Chara!!, Chara!!" The voice around me belonged to my tormentor, but I didn't care, I wasnt on this planet anymore, I was back in that world of dakrness, and I was searching for you.
"Where are you?" My Saturn! Where have you gone?!"
The heaviness of that atmosphere would always make me find the darkness inside my heart, and I knew that, that mural of darkness I can't overcome, and here in the studio, Masake is embracing me and saying such kind words... why is he being so kind to me?
"...you have to endure it, please, endure the pain..." "Chara...it's going to be alright, go ahead and cry,"  "You were loved very very much, I know, I know that, please endure the pain," "You are very special Chara, there is no one like you, even now, you are my favorite person, it hurts me to see you this way," "Chara i'll do anything, please, Chara..."
The voice was coming and going and here in this darkness I was naked and cold, and alone.
A shell of myself, no...I wasn't myself anymore, I was a stranger even to me. That which let me know I was real has gone to a far off place, it's been four years, but when I heard that song in the studio today, our anniversary, the pain became fresh again, it all drove me back to that airport watching the monstrous wave envelop an entire city, and crops, cars, boats, mountains, everything was gone in a flash.

Whisper in my ear, very slowly and very lowly
I hate that this day is very bright, so cheerful
whisper in my ear, if its true what you just said
or are they phrases disguised themselves, waiting for a deception?
Whisper to me, whisper to me...

on the floor the sky  laid down, holding time in a kiss, kissing me in time
on the floor the sky laid down, holding time in a kiss, kissing me in time

Whisper in my ear, that you know the very moment
when the ays are gone in which that was just a dream
whisper in my ear, where do your fears sleep now
do you still hold your affections deeply in that memory box
Whisper in my ear...

on the floor the sky laid down, stopped time in that kiss, that kissed me in time
on the floor the sky laid down,stopped time in that kiss, that kissed me in time.

That stopped us in time,
That stopped us in time,
Whisper in my ear...

"Mars?"
There in my ear came a voice, even sleeping, I recognize it, but...no, I shouldn't be able to hear it.  The voice was clear, the words, they were my words,....they came from some place, but here...I wasn't in the studio anymore. No.
I know this place, because I had seen it a long time ago...on that night, "Please...come with me,"
I followed Masake, knowing his full intentions, but my heart....was in pain because of Haruka, and it was here with these dark blue curtains that I first kissed Masake, and it gave me hope.
I walked to those curtains now, and wondered where he was...one of the great loves of my life.
Even now, I can't forget about him, even now, even though my soul aches for Haruka, Masake can still do this to me. What does that mean? It makes me sick, I need to leave.
I forgot how clever he was....I've always known though...

How clever he was, the leaves made little effect on me as we ran through the concrete I felt the high rushing through my veins and the hours began to blur so did the memories and facts. Things like who I was and where I was became irrelevant all I wanted was to eat some of the pretty colored pills and chase after Masake. He had turned and caught me but something was wrong now he was upset about something. " what's wrong??" He shook his head but his expression was pained the grass was prickling my skin and I noticed then that I was cold items freezing out here and Masake had chilling pale skin. " let's go in its cold!" He nodded and I got up, I started to head back to the car I didn't know where else to go the hotel was ways away I leaned against the car as I waited for him and admired my ring. I wondered then whom was the woman that spoke on the phone when I answered it was... Someone I had met? I'm not sure maybe? Masake had come back but he was on his phone now. "Who's on the phone?" He put his hand up for me to become silent and he kept talking it was Japanese, but a strange dialect, I understood half of it. Something about a person, worry, and missing them. I grew anxious now "who is that??" I pulled on his sleeve to get his attention but that's when I saw it the deranged drugged look I so often glimpsed on my own father before what followed happened. I wasn't in the chatter belle park anymore I was back on the yellow tiled floor and my father was kicking my head in beating with his strengthen and I tried to breath but it was hard I couldn't scream I couldn't---

I heard my name followed by a bunch if things I didn't understand ."she's got a broken rib , she's going into shock" who is she?? I'm burning everywhere, I. something pressing in my veins what is it?? It no it doesn't hurt no yes it----
I'm numb now can't open my eyes and it scares me I can see something faintly as I try to remember why I'm here and why gauze yes gauze us over my face my chest my right hip is castes over . Why? I hear someone enter the room, "-w-who??" They were approaching and then his hand was on my hand my heart became still and I was sure that something bad happened to me. "--ichi--Michi-o" I felt his lips on my hair he breathed, "princess, you're safe now, don't panic." As he said the words I went into shock again and there was fast beeping I heard more people running in and I went black again wondering "why I feel so safe when he's here, I wonder why he's there."

The gauze is gone, the plaster on my hips still remains but this time when I opened my eyes I was able to see properly my left eye felt swollen but instant.

...yeah....I forgot it completely.
I turned around to see the empty room behind me, I wanted to burn this evil place to the ground, myself with it,  but it happened to me when I realized, the voice. I needed to find that voice.
I gathered my jacket on the sofa, I noticed a note neatly folded on the coffee table, but I know how clever he is...I ignore it as I locked his door behind me.

I cannot afford to fall into that deep black hole. Not again.


Now that you want to see me again
"lets forget the past and start at square one"
Now that you want to see me again
"Don't you want to know the truth within my heart" you said....

I'm sure millions of people have pride
I'm sure they all cover their tracks carefully
tangible things tour mouth every single day
wondering how to take them back now I feel useless
today, and tomorrow


Dependent the facts an the truths that came with them
whether some foreign chemical that can interact with the brain, trick the heart

these trivial little things you used to cover up your tracks
excuses for forgetting me, yet you've come back
impossibly, you're here, right before me
nonchalantly you...

 
now that you want to see me again
you always wanted less than I wanted
now that you think it's fine
you ignore the words I say, more than I wanted

 It is really possibly for two people to remain together always?
This question haunts me as you whisper my name
That you are I could meet, go our own ways, meet again as if nothings happened
is that something painfully ironic?
look how they shine million of light years always, binary stars... surely they know of happiness


Now that you want to see me again
It seems to be the most important thing
Now that you want to see me again
"In order to discover the truth within your heart" you left....

my heart is weakened, my heart is tired
if only I had known back then
now that you want to see me again
I don't really know if I can recover from scars that I will always feel
that I will always feel, always.


The media was all over it. Chara attacked by unknown assailant.
Still no suspects. No details known, a deranged anti-fan is the main suspect. More non-sense.
My mouth remains closed, but all I can see is that face. That anger. That..."hate?"
I wasn't wearing my ring anymore. No.

// Amany Broken Hearts.

I didn't have the sense to realize it back then, when I met that girl, how cool and funny she was and wiz when it came to lyrics, but I didn't see her a woman, just a girl, might as well have been another one of the boys.
That night of Saga's Party, she was going to get refreshments and I was heading out to meet my date that night, when she turned to me and confessed her heart to me, but what was it to me?
Nothing special.

"I'm ....seeing someone, I'm sorry but, even if it happened, you just aren't my type."
That's the first time I heard it, someone's heart break. She immidiately looked away from me and remained silent until the elevator door opened. "You have a good night, Shou." was all she said, she got off the elevator and out the back of the lobby.
I didn't think a second time of that incident that night, I brushed it off and met my date that night, as I slept with her however, that broken hearted face came into my mind.

I wanted to appologize to her properly, surely everyone would know about it now, that weekend we all hang out, there's no way they'll let me off easy for it.
But come monday, Seiko and Saga greeted me cheerfully on my way to practice, so did Tomo, Eric and Reike, but Chara....she wasn't there.
"Where's Charlotte?"
"Oh, Haruka took her to San Fransisco, she was sad about something so he wanted to cheer her up."
"O aint love grand?" Saga Chimed in, everyone laughed.
"What do you mean??"
Tomo sighed, "Who would have thought our two black sheep would find eachother? Anyone see that coming, was there a bet?" Everyone laughed as Saga said he saw it coming, and as they all gossiped about it, I understood it, Haruka had been in love with Charlotte this entire time, and he will confess to her in San Fransisco on that beach outside his mother's house, like he said he would when we were kids. I gotten used to ignoring everything except my drinking, and the pretty girls that clung to me at every show and every practice, the next time I saw Chara, she didn't look the same as the shy girl in the elevator. When did her eyes sparkles like embers? Since when did her hair become so shiny and vibrant? Her face even now, I recalled the paleness of her skin and her soft rose colored lips as she greeted me for the first time since I rejected her, a little sad, but happy still, I never noticed that small freckle under her eye, was it always there? I realized it too late, as I watched them arrive together at our show, I knew Haruka would never let her go, and just when I finally saw her, I knew I would never let her go either. I tried my best to love her in silence, we began to have a friendship closer than Haruka expected, I tried my best to hide how I was loving her in silence. So much so that there was a time when I forgot she didnt even see me that way,I would always be the jerk in the elevator who didnt realize I won the lottery, I thought living fast was more important, maybe it was the way my mother raised me, suffocating, but maybe if its her, I would love to lose all air, in hopes that I would have the honor of having her grasp my skin, finally.

Distracted in a daze, i arose from the piano, the rehearsal happened but in between a song I changed the lyrics, about a jerk who couldnt see the loveliest Star until it crashed into another creating a black hole.

I allow once last memory to come back to me as I change som notes on the music sheets, I remember that when we left Los Angeles I asked Haruka if he would miss Charlotte, if they would stay in contact. He said that they talked about it, and he wanted Chara to make the choice herself, if she wanted to be with him, they would find each other again, that he wouldn’t beg her to stay. She told him that she wants to change into a stronger person when they meet up again, but that she’d come find him in Japan when they too had a record deal. She wasn’t lying, I knew it was just a matter of time before they signed them, but only a year after is instance even for a local band there, I wonder how it happened so fast. I should ask her this next time she’s over, with the pages almost done for our new album, I requested Chara be on one of our songs, Haruka is very excited about it as well, but maybe they’ll understand why I always leave the functions early. After all, watching them is like my heart is being through a black hole, someday it will be too much, I wonder if I’ll have something left, I want to move on, but the gravitational pull is just too much for me. I wonder if Ill be crushed under that pressure or by some miracle I could break free.

I know that my feelings can change, I’m working on it, I’m trying my best here, just please, don’t look at me the way you do when we make music, it’s the only face I want to be looking at for the rest of my life. 



///What happenes with Haruka and Chara?

Chara is on the stairs crying with the bag of things  she was supposed to buy, Haruka is leaving to meet her at the shop to help her since she's taking a while, but when he see's her crying, his heart hurts and he comforts her.
"What's happening, what's wrong Charls?"
He embraces her and she denies anything is wrong, but after he talks to her about how things being bottled up inside can only get worse she tells him.
"I thought that maybe....if someone liked me, they wouldn't mind my looks so much, I know, and don't think I'm being emo or dramatice, but I know I'm not pretty, not sexy, not glamorous like all those girls that chase after him, but we get on so well, I thought that maybe, just maybe he liked me."
"You mean Shou?" he asked sadly.
"Yeah, I don't usually chase after guys because of all those reasons, and others I don't wanna talk about right now, but Shou...makes me feel safe, like I'm home, but now...I feel like I'm locked out forever, and I'm scared, I made things wierd and Shou probably thinks I'm a loser."
"He wont think about that, Chara, you're amazing, don't you see me right here?"
Chara looks at Haruka, her first infatuation, but she recalls that some girl bragged about him.
"I thought you were taken, Anais, told me that you..."
"Sighs... Anaiz is a liar, don't hang out with her... if you only knew what was in my heart...can I show you?"

// what happens to Chara and shou after this Happens.//

Well what happens between them is after Chara and Haruka come back from San Fransisco they grow to be closer friends borderlining going out, but they aren't going out yet, as Haruka hears of Chara's Holidays and he wants her to have  a happy memory, he composes a song for her as a present and confession. Shou confronts Chara about her non-chalant attitude towards him and she admits that she thought her would came to a halt, but it really is n big deal, through Haruka's kindness she's found out that it's not the end of the world because Shou and she are such great friends, I just 'need time for us to forget it ever happened, so we can be normal again' to this Shou agrees to it, and they decide they will always be best friends.
After this Shou dotes on Chara, however now he notices that she doesn't many more things With Haruka than they used to, after Christmas however,  Shou see's the ring he's given Chara and they moved in, she's only 17 and he's 20, Shou's 21, anyways, he really regrets not accepting Chara's feelings and for the first time in his life he appreciates that someone liked him for himself and not his looks alone. That's when he cant forget her, and never does.

However the L.A. days between Haruka and Chara are memorable.