A Billion Starry Nights

I wanted to tell you this in the way that would make you understand me. I know what it means and I am not prepared for it. But if I keep it to myself I'm never going to move forward, and I need to know how you feel about me. You know how I feel about you, I love you. If you asked me why, these are the reasons. I just do. I want to. I don't want to. I have to . it makes me feel like I'm walking on air, it makes me feel like I'm walking through fire. I burn in there, that love, it makes me question  if I'm awake, alive, sane, sentient...my heartbeat races when I know you're thinking about me too.  fight how I feel, I've been trying, I've been trying to kill my emotions, but it's impossible. It would be easier if I didn't feel like this, but the more time passes by and the more you ignore me the more I realize my feelings grow stronger. I tried to find reasons to forget you, to tell you I hate you, but I love you, to the point where I will find ...

It was before I found out Masake hit Chara, before he cheated on her with Sakah, before I rejected her offer to have an affair to get back at Masake, before Chiharu hit her so hard I caught her in my arms, before I said goodbye to her at the airport, before I saw those fiery eyes on the veranda of Tomo's brothers home. It was on that warm chilly night that I found her on the warm waters edge, blood on her face, on her hands, and kinks in her body as I carried her towards the ambulance as they strapped her into the gurney. It was on that night that I felt a warmth inside my heart when  I held her, like a feeling, electric and chilling that I confused with fear of holding  a dead person, it wasnt that, I realized it on that night that Chara came to me after Masake hit her, that I realized that my heart reacts towards this side of her more than anything else I've ever known, I just want to protect her fom it, from the entire world. I made love to her that night until she slipped ...

Things calm, things are over, things are through and you admit to yourself "I did everything I could", but you haven't and you wont and yet you wonder why. You stare at that phone wondering when a buzz or a ring will happen, and when it does you die of disappointment because its not him. Spam. I have mixed emotions, and in a sense  know that I always have these emotions so feeling is close to living now, and my days are filled with nothing but advertising, promotion, interviews and guest spot here there, everywhere.  I should care more, but I only have Haruka on my mind.   Seiko asks me if I'm okay and knowing that I'm not I tell her I am. She doesn't buy it, the furrow in her brow shoots at me like an arrow and she asks me more things I don't really want to answer. "Is it because of a certain ex-boyfriend, turned living legend composer, or are you just hungry?" "Is it because of what happened at the party, and if so was it because your cur...