Pulling into the venue was a spectacular sight, already fans were lining on the street talking to eachother, looking slightly tired, some still excited, I wonder how low they've been waiting there? Light music playing the inside Zepp where the bar was located roared out there three staff members and a velvet rope guarded the glass doors, still closed they promised that when that sun set magic would drug them into a euphoric state filled with the sounds of a Nation hungry to perform. How long has it been? I'm aching for that stage as well, I look push the button to let down the window, some fans notice, they call out to me yelling my name and hello's, sweet nothings that mean everything to me, I thank them and say hello back. We pull up to the back entrance where only a few fans standing flock towards the van, "Finally!" Seiko calls out, she urges Emily who's already opening the door and shooing the fans to let us through to hurry up. "Finally we're here, like you said Chara" Erins calls out to me I jockingly pretend to flick his eye and he jumps out of the van, following by Tomo who still has his earphones in, I take a deep breath and slide out of the van, it's cold.
We were greeted by staff as we made our way through,more staff members are there blocking the path of the fans whom I wave to, some are dressed like various members of the band, I spot two Seiko's and Erin's, Tomo, and me, but they are calm and shy, as I'm walking behind Tomo a girl with short black hair and a thick pink streak calls out to me, "Good Afternoon, Chara-Hime!" this makes me smile, and I bow slightly and return her greeting, I see the rest of the members are doing this as well, Tomo however stoped behind me to sign a couple of things, a boy in front of me calls our "picture, can I take a picture?" I agree to which Emily doesn't as she shoots me a look, but I pull off my glasses and strike a crazy face pose he seems to enjoy as he takes the picture, he thanks me and I am ushered by Emily who closes the door behind, "It was just a picture Ems, chill out."
"We need to rehearse as soon as we can since we're running late, so just go run a quick rehearsal while I check and see when you're clothes will be here," I looked around and it seemed that there was no looks of disappointment, clearly we were al just dying to go on stage, "Calvary, charge!" Seiko lead the way to the stage, laughing I followed behind her and pulled on Tomo's sleeve to follow charging down the corridor I heard him behind me and Erin soon passed both me and Seiko. We made it to the stage after getting lost for a bit and actually made it to the floor, the bars already in line, I really hate that this is the way people attend concerts here, but it keeps people safer? I still don't know the purpose of them, I make my way through and Tomo who's already on stage gives me a hand and pulls me up. The lights are all on, later they would all be dimmed down to an ember. I look out to the venue, I think about who's played here and how long it took us to get here, the posters outside his place of majesty, my face in cool eyeliner next to seiko's bright pink hair, Tomo's smirk as the camera catches his softer side and Erin's half opened mouth almost a lover letter, I wonder then, if I'm worthy of this here, who am I but a gaijin, a indies phenomena that happened to catch the heart of a legen and then be thrown away like yesterdays sashimi. I once wrote a song for someone whom i knew would reach greater heights and with that song the loves me life made way for us and our wierdness. A sound not heard of shaky Japanese, but unshaking desire to rise to this very stage, a place that once you pay homage you're basically inside the club. I could only get in holding on to Masake, wanting to run away. Some would say that the past summer festival in which we toured across countries far away from Asia and had instant recognition and a decent fan following would have branded us major, but it is this moment right here, standing in a vast hall that sold out in less than ten minutes and jammed phone lines and crash servers that I find myself and I look behind me to my band mates and I think, "they deserve it" but me...I'm just lucky to included. I try to shake the feeling off and we begin our rehearsal lights flash, and Sato joins us on stage,
Friday, April 27, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
//"Nothing to gain."
My song is missing. all of my songs are missing.
I've searched all of my journals and they are also missing, I slept in the studio working on my music and when I awoke this morning everything was missing, the only thing left was my blue fountain pen and my guitar case, my guitar on the case beside me, but my work was all gone. I got out my cell phone and was almost hysterical, my heart beat was racing and the wrath inside of me aflame, I wanted there to be an explanation for this, there had to be, I sent everyone a massive text asking if they had seen it. I rushed outside the corridor and asked Maria if she had seen anyone go into my studio but she wasn't there.I had come back last night to get all my songs from my office, but eveything was gone. I ran up to Saki's office, he was busy in call and not surprised to see me. "Yes, yes, move them to the vault, she just walked in." I felt something entirely wrong with this, to have the clearance but he told me to calm down and search the recording room before I start accusing anyone of anything. "I am not crazy, I came this morning to get all my things from the office and all my songs and Seiko's composition's are nowhere to be found, Saki says they're his, I don't understand, Michio, Please!" "What!?" he was alarmed, and seconds later Saki picked the phone up, and I had two large men standing on either side, "Take her out, she's no longer an employee here," With that he coldly turned his chair and I was taken to my office to collect my personal things, I made them help me with Seiko and Tomo's things, Ering never left anything in there, he never trusted them and now I know why. I didn't know what to do, I headed straight to the one place I felt like home, Loversoul Music & Associates Records, a company that wouldn't approve us, Michio's associates didn't want an indies band with no ties to Japanese Music industry, and Saki offered to get us started, everything seemed fine, but I did suspect something when we were writting songs and were told our release dates were being pushed back for more events. Not even Michio could have seen this coming, but they used us to write songs for them and then kick us out, our careers were started, they did their job now they are taking what they paid for, talent. I rushed down back to the lobby Michio was there on his cell phone on hsi way out, he hung up his phone and rushed over to me, I had left the rest of the things in the car with Bunny, "Charlotte, you should have waited for me,"
"I know, but I was just so confused, Michio he can't do that can he?"
He looked at me, and in that way he once looked at me in the park telling me that he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, I saw him unfourtunately telling me, "Yes, he can." I felt an electrified shiver run over me, almost like a shock of numbness, "He is using an excuse int he contract you signed, but if I know Saki, he might have added that to your contracts, I'm having my finest lawyers look into it, I need to go now. "Michio, but why you?" his eyes became somber, "I'm am to blame, I beckoned you guys to trust him."
and Haruka was also there. seeing him there talking on his phone with a smile on his face, oblivious to me, he got into an elevator and the door closed just as Michio called me to come over to him, he was now talking to the security gaurd I had talked to earlier. "Come on, we're gonna see who sent in there this morning." Behind the lobby there was a door we wen tin lead by the gaurd and monitors in a darkened space were revealed to be aligned symetrycally showing in each screen a different point of surveillance within the building. "If anything happened it should be here.", Michio placed his hand on my shoulder and I tried to stay calm just nodding my head persistently as he pulled up the file for the night before to early in the morning, in full cobalt blue hues I watch myself go into the corridor I had my guitar with me and was talking on the phone, I looked really thin, hmmm I wasn't proud of that . further more people rushing through the corridor, no one stopping at my door, hours passed by in the fast forwarding, I was still in the room I never came out, then suddenly at 5.23 there was something. It was Nana.
"Ryuusei-Chan?" The security was astounded. Nana, without a doubt, it was my friend Nana, whom earlier this week slapped me into a wall giving me a huge headache after finding out that I was spending my nights with Haruka, it hasn't been a good time for me without Masake, but after Haruka told me to make a choice I chose to run away from him again, and back to Masake. After Paris I wasn't sure if I could trust him, but I lost our Dove too, maybe if I had the means I'd also snort my problems away. Nana called me so many names, a whore a backstabber, and those were the nice ones. Haruka broke up with her then, she slapped him as well and then said "Michio..."
Michio's face was angered, his eyes were fierce, he closed his lids and took a deep breath and with it my heart sank. I could not believed that she took anything." Is there a camera inside the room, maybe she didn't take..." But the security had already pulled it up and was screening it, it was rushing me playing my guitar pacing about the room looking out the window going into the bathroom the recording room writing and finally going to sleep on the couch, Nana came in and walked over to me, she hesitated to wake me and looked at the pages on the table, she sat there reading each one of them, and finally took everything and put it in my bag, she took it all and then she disappeared from the screen. It was true then, I turned to Michio but he had already walked out the door it slammed behind him and I was frozen, The security guard wasn't sure what to do either, he just told me to get out and I did so. why would Nana do that? Why would she go as far as to even take my bag, what does she want from me, why is she so...
I decided to sit in the lobby, Masake was on his way and so were the rest of my band who had been waiting for my music. I was so upset and trying to call Nana but she wasn't picking up, not my number at least, I heard her "busy line" message a few times,and then nothing, maybe she turned off her phone. Michio had called and asked me to stay there and not make any movements to not draw media attention. I felt so betrayed, I didn't know what to do, just sit here and do nothing, I stared at the fish tank in the middle of the lobby as I laid in a ball on one of the couches, I wanted to scream in this clean and cold place, what could I do when the one who stole a part of my soul is someone I once thought was my close friend, no, maybe there was a reason for her...I am in denial, and I am lost i do not know what to feel. "Penny Dove," a string pulled, my name was called, my eyes batted and Masake behind me wrapped his arms around my neck, his warmth calmed me a bit but I completely lost control and just cried. "Don't cry pretty girl, it'll be okay."
No one found Nana, her manager didn't know either, but there was something he did know, her contract was terminated earlier that day, she was mad because they wouldn't agree to her terms and she told them she would go some other place with a better deal. Michio was tired of her drama and was happy to get rid of her, after what happened with her me and Haruka, I thought it would be over, but since I got pregnant with Masake's child in Paris when I left, I didn't know what to do, my heart wanted Haruka, but it also didn't hesitate to run back to Masake, and I can say I am happier with him now. Masake took me to our new apartment I suppose after I fell asleep again, I didn't even see the band since I was mess and Masake thought it would be better to take me away. Finally, I was getting out of the shower and putting on one of his shirts, it was Nana. I answered it hesitantly, "You have some nerve calling me," my blood boiled then, I tried t contain it, I needed ot know why she did this, "Why Nana, Why!?" I heard the front door opened and Masake called me, "Charlotte come here," but Nana kept talking, " Charlotte, just shut up for a minute, I need to tell you that-" But I didn't want to hear it, "What? that you took something of mine, that you creeped in when I was sleeping and stole my song!?" Masake came in Michio behind him, I was fighting back the angry tears and shook my head at Michio who wanted to come towards me, "What song? I keep hearing about this, but I don't know what's going on! Charlotte I didn't do it." I didn't believe her, who else would have that hairstyle, those clothes that grudge against me. "You had no right Nana, I thought we were friends." she laughed cynically, Masake was at the doorway, he looked concerned and I placed my hand to him to stop there, "Friends? Oh Charlotte, you put an end to that, but I would never do something this horrible to anyone." her voice was coarse, and hostile, but also...something else was she horrible that she's still laughing, I could believe it. I had just seen her, my temper caught the best of me and I ook it out on the person responsible."What do you mean? you're on the tape Nana, it's YOU We all SAW YOU!" There was silence, Michio put his hand on my shoulder, but then I heard it, weeping, Nana was crying. "It wasn't me, It wasn't!!" The phone went silent after a click, and I threw the phone into the wall in anger, "I don't understand this" I let out a scream and just then Michio's phone rang, he looked ghostly, and then picked it up, "Yeah? Ahh... put him through immidiately," I wanted to throw up, but Masake knew me better than I knew myself, he hurriedly took me to the bathroom and pulled my hair back as I lifted the poceline lid and unleased all the food Masake tried so hard to make me swallow earlier today. I was shaking, but he held on to me as I realized something. Nana didn't take my song, I knew her, and the way she talked to me is not the way someone who has commited a sin talks, I know, because I'd been around that kind of person for along time.
It was all over the news the next day, a Low end company named Genima Copywright, the assosciate of TofuGood and Sakura Song Records had planned this coordinated taking of songs, it wasn't just Nana, but Zetsubou Nation, Ameri, Metanne, Oska, Zuzammen, 2Reel, and a few more artists who were screwed. Immidiately a law suit was filed by both Record companies, and I found myself giving a testimony in a public trial which Genima could not avoid. Their flaw was in the tape of the girl dressed as Nana. That outfit was stolen from her room a disguise to infiltrate both companies, and take the original scores, and any new ones without being seen so that they can put our stamps in a contract and say we gave it to them. But they didn't know something, , she claimed she had written it and given it to me for revisions which she provided a document with my signature on it. Micho's lawyers were working now to take them to court, the jury and judge were all out of the public view and the matter was being settled privately, the case about the song continued to be debunked because Nana provided previous version's she claimed to had wirtten herself without my help, During this time I just felt like I was plummeting further down a hole I had dug for myself. I just had to kiss Haruka, I just had to take his hand, I had to follow those eyes of his, did I?
Masake was beside me now, and I had awaken from a sad dream, it turned my stomach and I rushed to the bathroom to throw it up, but there was nothing, I have been taking mostly my pre meds and protein drinks, I couldn't eat anything since the whole trial began and I didn't want to think it possible. The rest of the band was really angry, even thoguh we were on hiatus because of Seiko's Marriage and child birthing, this was our comeback, and she stole it from us, she cried as well, we had more songs, but this one, this was my first song I wrote all by myself, she loved it, but because it wasn't my voice, it was perveted in her eyes.
I've searched all of my journals and they are also missing, I slept in the studio working on my music and when I awoke this morning everything was missing, the only thing left was my blue fountain pen and my guitar case, my guitar on the case beside me, but my work was all gone. I got out my cell phone and was almost hysterical, my heart beat was racing and the wrath inside of me aflame, I wanted there to be an explanation for this, there had to be, I sent everyone a massive text asking if they had seen it. I rushed outside the corridor and asked Maria if she had seen anyone go into my studio but she wasn't there.I had come back last night to get all my songs from my office, but eveything was gone. I ran up to Saki's office, he was busy in call and not surprised to see me. "Yes, yes, move them to the vault, she just walked in." I felt something entirely wrong with this, to have the clearance but he told me to calm down and search the recording room before I start accusing anyone of anything. "I am not crazy, I came this morning to get all my things from the office and all my songs and Seiko's composition's are nowhere to be found, Saki says they're his, I don't understand, Michio, Please!" "What!?" he was alarmed, and seconds later Saki picked the phone up, and I had two large men standing on either side, "Take her out, she's no longer an employee here," With that he coldly turned his chair and I was taken to my office to collect my personal things, I made them help me with Seiko and Tomo's things, Ering never left anything in there, he never trusted them and now I know why. I didn't know what to do, I headed straight to the one place I felt like home, Loversoul Music & Associates Records, a company that wouldn't approve us, Michio's associates didn't want an indies band with no ties to Japanese Music industry, and Saki offered to get us started, everything seemed fine, but I did suspect something when we were writting songs and were told our release dates were being pushed back for more events. Not even Michio could have seen this coming, but they used us to write songs for them and then kick us out, our careers were started, they did their job now they are taking what they paid for, talent. I rushed down back to the lobby Michio was there on his cell phone on hsi way out, he hung up his phone and rushed over to me, I had left the rest of the things in the car with Bunny, "Charlotte, you should have waited for me,"
"I know, but I was just so confused, Michio he can't do that can he?"
He looked at me, and in that way he once looked at me in the park telling me that he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, I saw him unfourtunately telling me, "Yes, he can." I felt an electrified shiver run over me, almost like a shock of numbness, "He is using an excuse int he contract you signed, but if I know Saki, he might have added that to your contracts, I'm having my finest lawyers look into it, I need to go now. "Michio, but why you?" his eyes became somber, "I'm am to blame, I beckoned you guys to trust him."
and Haruka was also there. seeing him there talking on his phone with a smile on his face, oblivious to me, he got into an elevator and the door closed just as Michio called me to come over to him, he was now talking to the security gaurd I had talked to earlier. "Come on, we're gonna see who sent in there this morning." Behind the lobby there was a door we wen tin lead by the gaurd and monitors in a darkened space were revealed to be aligned symetrycally showing in each screen a different point of surveillance within the building. "If anything happened it should be here.", Michio placed his hand on my shoulder and I tried to stay calm just nodding my head persistently as he pulled up the file for the night before to early in the morning, in full cobalt blue hues I watch myself go into the corridor I had my guitar with me and was talking on the phone, I looked really thin, hmmm I wasn't proud of that . further more people rushing through the corridor, no one stopping at my door, hours passed by in the fast forwarding, I was still in the room I never came out, then suddenly at 5.23 there was something. It was Nana.
"Ryuusei-Chan?" The security was astounded. Nana, without a doubt, it was my friend Nana, whom earlier this week slapped me into a wall giving me a huge headache after finding out that I was spending my nights with Haruka, it hasn't been a good time for me without Masake, but after Haruka told me to make a choice I chose to run away from him again, and back to Masake. After Paris I wasn't sure if I could trust him, but I lost our Dove too, maybe if I had the means I'd also snort my problems away. Nana called me so many names, a whore a backstabber, and those were the nice ones. Haruka broke up with her then, she slapped him as well and then said "Michio..."
Michio's face was angered, his eyes were fierce, he closed his lids and took a deep breath and with it my heart sank. I could not believed that she took anything." Is there a camera inside the room, maybe she didn't take..." But the security had already pulled it up and was screening it, it was rushing me playing my guitar pacing about the room looking out the window going into the bathroom the recording room writing and finally going to sleep on the couch, Nana came in and walked over to me, she hesitated to wake me and looked at the pages on the table, she sat there reading each one of them, and finally took everything and put it in my bag, she took it all and then she disappeared from the screen. It was true then, I turned to Michio but he had already walked out the door it slammed behind him and I was frozen, The security guard wasn't sure what to do either, he just told me to get out and I did so. why would Nana do that? Why would she go as far as to even take my bag, what does she want from me, why is she so...
I decided to sit in the lobby, Masake was on his way and so were the rest of my band who had been waiting for my music. I was so upset and trying to call Nana but she wasn't picking up, not my number at least, I heard her "busy line" message a few times,and then nothing, maybe she turned off her phone. Michio had called and asked me to stay there and not make any movements to not draw media attention. I felt so betrayed, I didn't know what to do, just sit here and do nothing, I stared at the fish tank in the middle of the lobby as I laid in a ball on one of the couches, I wanted to scream in this clean and cold place, what could I do when the one who stole a part of my soul is someone I once thought was my close friend, no, maybe there was a reason for her...I am in denial, and I am lost i do not know what to feel. "Penny Dove," a string pulled, my name was called, my eyes batted and Masake behind me wrapped his arms around my neck, his warmth calmed me a bit but I completely lost control and just cried. "Don't cry pretty girl, it'll be okay."
No one found Nana, her manager didn't know either, but there was something he did know, her contract was terminated earlier that day, she was mad because they wouldn't agree to her terms and she told them she would go some other place with a better deal. Michio was tired of her drama and was happy to get rid of her, after what happened with her me and Haruka, I thought it would be over, but since I got pregnant with Masake's child in Paris when I left, I didn't know what to do, my heart wanted Haruka, but it also didn't hesitate to run back to Masake, and I can say I am happier with him now. Masake took me to our new apartment I suppose after I fell asleep again, I didn't even see the band since I was mess and Masake thought it would be better to take me away. Finally, I was getting out of the shower and putting on one of his shirts, it was Nana. I answered it hesitantly, "You have some nerve calling me," my blood boiled then, I tried t contain it, I needed ot know why she did this, "Why Nana, Why!?" I heard the front door opened and Masake called me, "Charlotte come here," but Nana kept talking, " Charlotte, just shut up for a minute, I need to tell you that-" But I didn't want to hear it, "What? that you took something of mine, that you creeped in when I was sleeping and stole my song!?" Masake came in Michio behind him, I was fighting back the angry tears and shook my head at Michio who wanted to come towards me, "What song? I keep hearing about this, but I don't know what's going on! Charlotte I didn't do it." I didn't believe her, who else would have that hairstyle, those clothes that grudge against me. "You had no right Nana, I thought we were friends." she laughed cynically, Masake was at the doorway, he looked concerned and I placed my hand to him to stop there, "Friends? Oh Charlotte, you put an end to that, but I would never do something this horrible to anyone." her voice was coarse, and hostile, but also...something else was she horrible that she's still laughing, I could believe it. I had just seen her, my temper caught the best of me and I ook it out on the person responsible."What do you mean? you're on the tape Nana, it's YOU We all SAW YOU!" There was silence, Michio put his hand on my shoulder, but then I heard it, weeping, Nana was crying. "It wasn't me, It wasn't!!" The phone went silent after a click, and I threw the phone into the wall in anger, "I don't understand this" I let out a scream and just then Michio's phone rang, he looked ghostly, and then picked it up, "Yeah? Ahh... put him through immidiately," I wanted to throw up, but Masake knew me better than I knew myself, he hurriedly took me to the bathroom and pulled my hair back as I lifted the poceline lid and unleased all the food Masake tried so hard to make me swallow earlier today. I was shaking, but he held on to me as I realized something. Nana didn't take my song, I knew her, and the way she talked to me is not the way someone who has commited a sin talks, I know, because I'd been around that kind of person for along time.
It was all over the news the next day, a Low end company named Genima Copywright, the assosciate of TofuGood and Sakura Song Records had planned this coordinated taking of songs, it wasn't just Nana, but Zetsubou Nation, Ameri, Metanne, Oska, Zuzammen, 2Reel, and a few more artists who were screwed. Immidiately a law suit was filed by both Record companies, and I found myself giving a testimony in a public trial which Genima could not avoid. Their flaw was in the tape of the girl dressed as Nana. That outfit was stolen from her room a disguise to infiltrate both companies, and take the original scores, and any new ones without being seen so that they can put our stamps in a contract and say we gave it to them. But they didn't know something, , she claimed she had written it and given it to me for revisions which she provided a document with my signature on it. Micho's lawyers were working now to take them to court, the jury and judge were all out of the public view and the matter was being settled privately, the case about the song continued to be debunked because Nana provided previous version's she claimed to had wirtten herself without my help, During this time I just felt like I was plummeting further down a hole I had dug for myself. I just had to kiss Haruka, I just had to take his hand, I had to follow those eyes of his, did I?
Masake was beside me now, and I had awaken from a sad dream, it turned my stomach and I rushed to the bathroom to throw it up, but there was nothing, I have been taking mostly my pre meds and protein drinks, I couldn't eat anything since the whole trial began and I didn't want to think it possible. The rest of the band was really angry, even thoguh we were on hiatus because of Seiko's Marriage and child birthing, this was our comeback, and she stole it from us, she cried as well, we had more songs, but this one, this was my first song I wrote all by myself, she loved it, but because it wasn't my voice, it was perveted in her eyes.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Chapter 26 : Ameri
I checked my phone today, two messages from him.
"Morning, wondering if you thought about what I said the other night, don't worry I'm in no hurry."
the other read : "Lunch today?"
I brushed my hair before I answered, Zetsubou Nation has a morning radio hosting gig, me and Tomo that is, but that will be over by 10, and I'm nervous about what will happen after...what would he think of me who just last night the media spotted at my old Apartment complex just as Masake was also there with that woman, I didn't know he was there I went to get some stuff I was missing and happened that they got another place just above my old one, or old one, jerk. I wonder if he's...worried? I got to the lobby and waited as Emily pulled the car around, Tomo was just joining me, I greeted him with a hug and he squeezed me, 'come on, let's go wake people from their slumbers" I laughed and agreed with him, we got into the car headed towards the station.
Author's Note:
In this chapter charlotte runs into a friend she made a few months ago Ameri, the one she met at Teru's Birthday party, she's a mainstream and very popular pop star who's style is a bit indie, after they both get done with their jobs for the day they decide to hang out the rest of the day and Ameri tells her about breaking up with ther last boyfriend because she just didn't see him accepting her life, and if things were going to be that way it's better for them to go their seperate ways. After Charlotte tells her what's been happening with Haruka Ameri tells her that she's just being too protective, that from what she hears Haruka is eager to love her, but she's not letting him, and that's she's too worried about other people jugding her if she begins to date him too soon after just being engaged. Charlotte is still unsure, a few months later Ameri sends Charlotte a song, that's going to be on her next single, during this time Charlotte is still not with Haruka beacuse of the same issues,
and it's her telling her to not be afraid to fall in love with him
"C.
Those words inside your head, put to rest all those fears
whatever you hear from anyone, you walk on
where ever your feet lead you to walk on
it doesn't matter if the rain is trickling down, go on
the light at the end of the tunnel is beautiful, you'll see
the happiest moments in life doesn't come easily and mean much more
the scariest moments we face are easier if someone is by our side
Now you stare in that mirror, and say "you're not good enough"
taking away the negative, tell me what do you have left?
Whatever you see in those paper, ignore it
where ever you once felt pain, ignore it please
What ever you thought was once a game, it's rules don't always apply, you'll see
Now you run towards the light, go on, you won't regret it once
knowing that flame in your eyes, I know you'll shine bright
Whatever you hear from anyone you walk on
where your feet lead you to walk on
it doesn't matter if the flashes of light blind you, go on
the warmth at the end of the tunnel is beautiful
The happiest moments in life don't come easily, and will mean much more to you
the scariest moment you'll face, will come easier if you let him by your side.
You'll see"
Ameri admits to her that she wrote about her relastionship with Haruka because she really wanted to get across to her but she wouldn't listen to her, so she wrote a song hoping that it would finally get through, before the song went on the air, it really gave Charlotte courage to trust her heart and let Haruka into her heart.
"Morning, wondering if you thought about what I said the other night, don't worry I'm in no hurry."
the other read : "Lunch today?"
I brushed my hair before I answered, Zetsubou Nation has a morning radio hosting gig, me and Tomo that is, but that will be over by 10, and I'm nervous about what will happen after...what would he think of me who just last night the media spotted at my old Apartment complex just as Masake was also there with that woman, I didn't know he was there I went to get some stuff I was missing and happened that they got another place just above my old one, or old one, jerk. I wonder if he's...worried? I got to the lobby and waited as Emily pulled the car around, Tomo was just joining me, I greeted him with a hug and he squeezed me, 'come on, let's go wake people from their slumbers" I laughed and agreed with him, we got into the car headed towards the station.
Author's Note:
In this chapter charlotte runs into a friend she made a few months ago Ameri, the one she met at Teru's Birthday party, she's a mainstream and very popular pop star who's style is a bit indie, after they both get done with their jobs for the day they decide to hang out the rest of the day and Ameri tells her about breaking up with ther last boyfriend because she just didn't see him accepting her life, and if things were going to be that way it's better for them to go their seperate ways. After Charlotte tells her what's been happening with Haruka Ameri tells her that she's just being too protective, that from what she hears Haruka is eager to love her, but she's not letting him, and that's she's too worried about other people jugding her if she begins to date him too soon after just being engaged. Charlotte is still unsure, a few months later Ameri sends Charlotte a song, that's going to be on her next single, during this time Charlotte is still not with Haruka beacuse of the same issues,
and it's her telling her to not be afraid to fall in love with him
"C.
Those words inside your head, put to rest all those fears
whatever you hear from anyone, you walk on
where ever your feet lead you to walk on
it doesn't matter if the rain is trickling down, go on
the light at the end of the tunnel is beautiful, you'll see
the happiest moments in life doesn't come easily and mean much more
the scariest moments we face are easier if someone is by our side
Now you stare in that mirror, and say "you're not good enough"
taking away the negative, tell me what do you have left?
Whatever you see in those paper, ignore it
where ever you once felt pain, ignore it please
What ever you thought was once a game, it's rules don't always apply, you'll see
Now you run towards the light, go on, you won't regret it once
knowing that flame in your eyes, I know you'll shine bright
Whatever you hear from anyone you walk on
where your feet lead you to walk on
it doesn't matter if the flashes of light blind you, go on
the warmth at the end of the tunnel is beautiful
The happiest moments in life don't come easily, and will mean much more to you
the scariest moment you'll face, will come easier if you let him by your side.
You'll see"
Ameri admits to her that she wrote about her relastionship with Haruka because she really wanted to get across to her but she wouldn't listen to her, so she wrote a song hoping that it would finally get through, before the song went on the air, it really gave Charlotte courage to trust her heart and let Haruka into her heart.
// "Love me Again, Please?"
The light was coming in from the window, a crack maybe, or a lamp post outside in the middle of the night, I wasn't sure, but I felt the coldness beside me on the bed the sheets pulled completely engulfed me and I noticed that my source of warmth had left my side without me knowing. Where'd he go to? I searched the wall to the side, the clock's handles glowing in the darkness, it was 4:o6 am. I remembered then that he was hosting today, of course he couldn't stay, I wonder if I made him late? Something horrible pounds inside my stomach, regret or guilt, it's painful, and I take a deep breath in the darkness hoping it will go away, but it only makes me think about Haruka's words last night. We had just left the engagement party, and I still haven't had time to think about leaving Masake in Paris, it was all rushed after Seiko told me she was having her party that the company insisted on as to not draw negative comments from the press, so the morning that I boarded my plane to Paris with Masake Saga asked Emily if he could marry Seiko, Emily thought it was silly, but then cleared it with head of the company they had a meeting with Saga's company, and it was agreed that it would benefit both parties to make it public, and even host their engagement party, all while I ran away with Masake, who so casually snorted a line of cocaine and woke me up, and asked me to marry him. Just like that, the weeks passed in Paris, and I began to realize that there was no event he has just ran away with me, but after the pain came back to my body, after so long and it shocked me into a paralysis that scared him. I knew I was on the kitchen floor again, in the old house, my mother holding him back, and the profanity his spewed at me, over a glass I had dropped with his liqour; he kicked my head against the tile, and the throbbing of my head hitting, the forced caused me to bite my mouth and the blood spilled on the floor, so hot against the cold tile, a sharp noise in my ear, and I couldn't move even though my mom called at me to "Run!" I couldn't move, like that night in Paris, and I knew I had to run. It must have been by chance that Haruka was staying over that night at Seiko's and that warmth next to me, I told him to stay, and he did, I watched him check his phone, and answer a message, maybe from Nana, definitely from Nana, and then he shut his phone off without asking me any questions, he held me that night, after the party, it became clear to me that I couldn't let him go. It was that guy I met at the halloween show in Los Angeles, it was those eyes that so casually followed me when I took the railroad tracks home, that voice that soothed my worries that sang out melodies I'd join, that kindness in his voice when he spoke to me, the concern in his eyes, and the gentle way he holds me haven't changed at all. Here, in Tokyo, in Shibuya, I ran to the first person I thought would protect me, and it was the person i needed that was here instead, I wondered, if there was such a thing as fate, would this be it?
Now we never really made up after what happened during the Swing Tour, he held me and whispered gentle things, random facts he knew I loved hearing, and calmed me even more, I wondered as I lay here now, not in Seiko's place, but his, is this what normal friends do? I know that Tomo worries for me, but he's never held me like this, Seiko is same, she held me and cried with me and cursed so many things in Masake's name, some which made me laugh, others made me feel pathetic. However, Haruka never left my side, and maybe since Nana is touring he thinks it's ok, maybe he has nothing better to do. Glorious has had a break from their activities now that their working permits are being processed, and our new album is being mixed and perfected in the studio by Emily and Mori. I wonder, will there ever be a place for us in this city, where the rules of society wouldn't have to apply where I can sleep in his arms, and cry.
A place where he strokes my hair, and whispers to me about a far away nebula called the Horse Head, and how experts want to know what kind of stars grow there and whether or not it will be swallowed bya hole in 4.3 million years, but that he thinks the black hole wont happen, because the head is made from dark matter. I laugh at his comments, and they ease the pain, and when his grip loosens on me, I whine, and he holds me closer. He's been hosting a radio show for the past month, Sound of Saturn it's online, more of Podcast really, but he's being payed from what he tells me, and he really likes playing whatever he wants, and talking to the fans of both his band and the show. I think of all this, and realize that it's impossible to go back to sleep, so I pull out my phone and call a familiar number, it rings twice, before I realize what I'm doing and quickly hang up and turn my phone off. "What's wrong with me?" I shake my head and the pain runs through me like a bucket of cold water, but dialing Masake's number is so...routine for me, because he always answers and comes to me, but ever since the morning of the blood, I had felt in the backstage of my heart a curtain between us, no matter how much I kissed him, it was still there, and next thing I know, we're in Paris, and I have a ring on my finger, I look down at it, and then pull it off my finger and examine it. Silver Gold, a few crystal diamonds embeded spaced on the band, a dazzling diamond in the shape of a heart that even in this faint light shoots rainbows everywhere, my heart hurts just looking at it, even more the engraving inside of it, "Hold in yours arms only me, Penny Dove." I throw the ring across the room, it makes a metalic ring at it hits, and then I remember where I am, this isn't my place, where am I? Oh yeah I've been drinking, the neon clock, I'm in Haruka's place, I should leave before he gets back, I take a shower and borrow a shirt put on the pants I had on last night, I collect my things and tidy up his bed before leaving I shut the door behind me it click instantly. Maybe I should have told him I was leaving, but I I feel like I should put some distance between him and I, Nana wouldn't like me being here, and I'm still unsure about me and Masake, but a feeling is in me that I can't shake off, somehow, I feel like i'm leaving my home, where I feel safe, and is full of love. Love. That word. My heart races a little at the mention of the word, and I shake it out of my head by turning on my phone it's 5:12 am now, I go down to the familiar Tea Estate hotel it's not very far away, but still I call a cab, my room has surely been cleaned by now, and besides I left it with my suitcase open and papers everywhere, I wouldn't mind it to be tidy. The driver doesn't recognize me or doesn't care, which makes it easier to get there, not even caring to look out at the Tokyo lights, I'm too clouded to see those lights. I wonder now, will he miss me when I'm gone? What would a friend do? I arrive at the hotel pay the cab and walk directly to the elevator passing the lobby I hold on to myself, the cold getting to me a little, I just want to be warm, a thought in the back of my head tells me I should have stayed at Haruka's but if I was Nana I would think that's not something friend's do. Maybe if I slept with him it would be justifiable, some type of conviction, but he held me as I cried, and stroked my hair with his rough hands, those blisters, how long have they felt so shaft? I decide to get him some lotion as a thank you for the headaches I've surely been giving him and find my way to my room again, I close the door behind me locking it with the three bolts, and collapse on the bed, I'm so tired, I let the gravity close lids and my consciousness goes into that darkness, but still cold, I wonder... has Masake eaten today? Is he on his way here? I'm scared. I am the bastard child of abuse and torture, and I don't want to be that person anymore, if I go back to him, will it be worse? the drugs took hold of him, and I love him, not those drugs, as long as he's on them, he'd dead to me, that's all.
//// Haruka Chapter 28: "Above you, as you sleep."
We all got the text simultaneously, like a flash of lightning the message read impossible words, "I just asked Seiko to marry me, she said yes!" I can almost feel the excitement infront of me as if Saga's right here jumping about and picking us up like he just won the lottery, and in some way I think he has. I can't help but smile and just think about what to get them, well maybe for their wedding, but since I finished the song with Shou last night I thought we'd meet Nao in the hospital and test it with him. Is Saga there already, the hospital, now that I think about it the last time we were all there, was the night of Charlotte's Miscarriage, the pain she expressed as she clutched at her stomach, Masake walking through the door, not knowing what happened, Seiko slapping him, yelling at him for not being there for Chara, the blood still stained on her own shirt, and the look on his face when he found out, he walked over to Charlotte who couldn't even look at him, he left the room then, with that face, almost like, this wasn't real. I stayed with Chara that night, because I couldn't leave her like that, Masake had disappeared and everyone else had things to do, Nana wanted to stay with me, but to her Charlotte is my friend from back home, not my ex-girlfriend, that one who's more fragile than egg shells, in some way, I was the only one who shared that pain with her, I don't know if it was the drugs they had her one since she almost bled to death, but he reached out to me, and embraced me, maybe she thought I was Masake I'm not sure, but that night I realized that I loved that girl, and that no matter how much I want to forget her, I can't. But I will. Seiko tells me she forgave Masake, and even he thanked me for taking care of her, I can tell he really puts her above himself, adores her even, but I still can't entirely trust him with her, I can't explain that either, but it's time I stop trying to and focus on Nana's idea of moving in together. She denies it, but ever since the night of the burning covers she's been pushing for more grounding in our relationship, specially marriage, and I tell her I can't marry anyone until we've broken free from Ragnarock Records.
Now we never really made up after what happened during the Swing Tour, he held me and whispered gentle things, random facts he knew I loved hearing, and calmed me even more, I wondered as I lay here now, not in Seiko's place, but his, is this what normal friends do? I know that Tomo worries for me, but he's never held me like this, Seiko is same, she held me and cried with me and cursed so many things in Masake's name, some which made me laugh, others made me feel pathetic. However, Haruka never left my side, and maybe since Nana is touring he thinks it's ok, maybe he has nothing better to do. Glorious has had a break from their activities now that their working permits are being processed, and our new album is being mixed and perfected in the studio by Emily and Mori. I wonder, will there ever be a place for us in this city, where the rules of society wouldn't have to apply where I can sleep in his arms, and cry.
A place where he strokes my hair, and whispers to me about a far away nebula called the Horse Head, and how experts want to know what kind of stars grow there and whether or not it will be swallowed bya hole in 4.3 million years, but that he thinks the black hole wont happen, because the head is made from dark matter. I laugh at his comments, and they ease the pain, and when his grip loosens on me, I whine, and he holds me closer. He's been hosting a radio show for the past month, Sound of Saturn it's online, more of Podcast really, but he's being payed from what he tells me, and he really likes playing whatever he wants, and talking to the fans of both his band and the show. I think of all this, and realize that it's impossible to go back to sleep, so I pull out my phone and call a familiar number, it rings twice, before I realize what I'm doing and quickly hang up and turn my phone off. "What's wrong with me?" I shake my head and the pain runs through me like a bucket of cold water, but dialing Masake's number is so...routine for me, because he always answers and comes to me, but ever since the morning of the blood, I had felt in the backstage of my heart a curtain between us, no matter how much I kissed him, it was still there, and next thing I know, we're in Paris, and I have a ring on my finger, I look down at it, and then pull it off my finger and examine it. Silver Gold, a few crystal diamonds embeded spaced on the band, a dazzling diamond in the shape of a heart that even in this faint light shoots rainbows everywhere, my heart hurts just looking at it, even more the engraving inside of it, "Hold in yours arms only me, Penny Dove." I throw the ring across the room, it makes a metalic ring at it hits, and then I remember where I am, this isn't my place, where am I? Oh yeah I've been drinking, the neon clock, I'm in Haruka's place, I should leave before he gets back, I take a shower and borrow a shirt put on the pants I had on last night, I collect my things and tidy up his bed before leaving I shut the door behind me it click instantly. Maybe I should have told him I was leaving, but I I feel like I should put some distance between him and I, Nana wouldn't like me being here, and I'm still unsure about me and Masake, but a feeling is in me that I can't shake off, somehow, I feel like i'm leaving my home, where I feel safe, and is full of love. Love. That word. My heart races a little at the mention of the word, and I shake it out of my head by turning on my phone it's 5:12 am now, I go down to the familiar Tea Estate hotel it's not very far away, but still I call a cab, my room has surely been cleaned by now, and besides I left it with my suitcase open and papers everywhere, I wouldn't mind it to be tidy. The driver doesn't recognize me or doesn't care, which makes it easier to get there, not even caring to look out at the Tokyo lights, I'm too clouded to see those lights. I wonder now, will he miss me when I'm gone? What would a friend do? I arrive at the hotel pay the cab and walk directly to the elevator passing the lobby I hold on to myself, the cold getting to me a little, I just want to be warm, a thought in the back of my head tells me I should have stayed at Haruka's but if I was Nana I would think that's not something friend's do. Maybe if I slept with him it would be justifiable, some type of conviction, but he held me as I cried, and stroked my hair with his rough hands, those blisters, how long have they felt so shaft? I decide to get him some lotion as a thank you for the headaches I've surely been giving him and find my way to my room again, I close the door behind me locking it with the three bolts, and collapse on the bed, I'm so tired, I let the gravity close lids and my consciousness goes into that darkness, but still cold, I wonder... has Masake eaten today? Is he on his way here? I'm scared. I am the bastard child of abuse and torture, and I don't want to be that person anymore, if I go back to him, will it be worse? the drugs took hold of him, and I love him, not those drugs, as long as he's on them, he'd dead to me, that's all.
//// Haruka Chapter 28: "Above you, as you sleep."
We all got the text simultaneously, like a flash of lightning the message read impossible words, "I just asked Seiko to marry me, she said yes!" I can almost feel the excitement infront of me as if Saga's right here jumping about and picking us up like he just won the lottery, and in some way I think he has. I can't help but smile and just think about what to get them, well maybe for their wedding, but since I finished the song with Shou last night I thought we'd meet Nao in the hospital and test it with him. Is Saga there already, the hospital, now that I think about it the last time we were all there, was the night of Charlotte's Miscarriage, the pain she expressed as she clutched at her stomach, Masake walking through the door, not knowing what happened, Seiko slapping him, yelling at him for not being there for Chara, the blood still stained on her own shirt, and the look on his face when he found out, he walked over to Charlotte who couldn't even look at him, he left the room then, with that face, almost like, this wasn't real. I stayed with Chara that night, because I couldn't leave her like that, Masake had disappeared and everyone else had things to do, Nana wanted to stay with me, but to her Charlotte is my friend from back home, not my ex-girlfriend, that one who's more fragile than egg shells, in some way, I was the only one who shared that pain with her, I don't know if it was the drugs they had her one since she almost bled to death, but he reached out to me, and embraced me, maybe she thought I was Masake I'm not sure, but that night I realized that I loved that girl, and that no matter how much I want to forget her, I can't. But I will. Seiko tells me she forgave Masake, and even he thanked me for taking care of her, I can tell he really puts her above himself, adores her even, but I still can't entirely trust him with her, I can't explain that either, but it's time I stop trying to and focus on Nana's idea of moving in together. She denies it, but ever since the night of the burning covers she's been pushing for more grounding in our relationship, specially marriage, and I tell her I can't marry anyone until we've broken free from Ragnarock Records.
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