// "Adrometamorphose."

"Come, follow me." He took my hand his eyes green still shown beneath his shiny black mask, my heart beat moved my feet for me, and we took off, running behind him, his hand tightly had a grip on me, with every step on the grass was another drum in my chest. The air itself stepped away and let us by, the entire world went by, as I followed him in that darkness, only the moonlight above us, and the shine of his makes or mine casting a glow on the streets or the stones around us. That was my dream, but reality to a vejavu is sometimes so incredibily similar and yet so different, instead of the mask he wore a soft bruise, and his heat beat was the sound of the breaking branches below my feet.  We'd been going over a small bridge when a curve came and the car went straight into a narrow hill and a tree, I'd gotten thrown out I wasn't wearing a seat belt, and my arm was very banged up, if it wasnt for a tent that broke my fall, I might've not survived.
 Somehow in this place, this dark place I knew nothing could harm me my dress was already a mess, and mud had tracked all over the hem, Haruka looked cleaner than I did even in this darkness I knew that he had been out of the car somewhere near the grass and not the pond. In this forest, I remembering when we got here I sensed something terrible from it, and Seiko's desire to come here, and how Nana had gotten lost inside the woods before, like this with Haruka, and just how I'm looking at him now, and I know she never had a chance, he's too kind and too charming, and now...now I know how I feel about him, again, should I act on it, or am I asking for too much again?

I hadn't the time to get lost in my thoughts, we were almost to the edge of the forest when we saw  the car, it was a wreck, it had gone over the bridge, below lay the shallow patch of woods that I thought I had died in. looking at the wreckage I can remember what happened before the violent curve,  I had been thrown out of the car but something broke my fall, a tent, covered in leaves, but surely a tent, my arm was badly hurt, but beside that and a bruise on my hip I was fine, I was lucky. I was still dressed in my masquerade dress and mask, I pulled it off and inspected the tent, a fowl smell came from it, I could only guess what lay inside, this was after all, the sleeping forest. I didn't understand it then why Nana ran in here but as we moved more and more into the forest to find a path it became clear that it wasn' white sticks hanging from ropes or covered in withering leaves on the forest floor, many many desperate souls flock in here to do one thing, die. Was Nana feeling so trapped the only way out for her is to just let it all go? I've felt that feeling before, on the ledge, ready to just drop down, embrace my death, and...be grateful that I was able to experience life, even though I couldn't go outside or even if no one fell in love with me, it was okay, just before though I always felt a hand on my shoulder, my Loversoul saved me many times like this, and I feel that that was magic. I was saved by the magic of music, but Nana, all those years ago came here to die, I'm not sure why but music couldn't save her but this planet beside me, he did,  and then as I lean against him, my ankle twisted and my arm hurting I hold on to him as we wait for help to come, he's too weak himself to carry me out of here,

// "really,I'm happy with you,"

I think it was when the snow settled in early April, the rainy season would be begining and hydrangeas would be in bloom like those days I've learned people will be furiously buying new wellies and raincoats in the season's best and sometimes strangest. Masake had gotten about two weeks rest to a month before he went on his world wide tour. He new it would be hard for us ,so he tried to spend as much time with me as he could, but it didn't work so well for me, after all I was in the middle of development of our new album, our second ablum. Recording all day sometimes and when I get home he's sleeping or lost managing things before he goes on tour, he manages to kiss me before he disappears into his workspace, at least this gesture is heart warming, but sometimes thats all I get until we crawl into bed tired as hell and quickly fall asleep. That's the thing about being engaged to someone who owns their own record label, they are always busy. I tried to make more of an effort but on days I can't and want to throw everything out the window,  I can hear Masake whisper underneath his breath, "just quit, I can take care of you."Those words make me cringe, and myh stomach hurts in some wierd way, and I pick up the pieces and try again, no, I never answer, I'll pretend not to hear it the right away, and smile, but he knows I heard it, and he's kind to be so patient with me, and smiles back.

It was a Thursday, i had finally gotten a day off and finally for once things were like they always were and then Masake asked me, "Chara, do you like being with me?"  I think I was writing down some lyrics and didn't really answer at first, but I couldnt pretend not to hear this, I looked up at him from my netbook and he just stared at me. His expression took me by surprise, it was a little too bare, even for me. I guess it registered on my face because he came in closer and nervously, yeah nervously, he said, "Being with me, is it something that makes you happy? I guess what I mean is... why are you with me?" I didn't know what to answer, something inside of me began wrenching and and twisting. I suddenly just did what came more instinctive to me because for some reason I felt like he was very far away, I reached out and embraced him to bring him closer to my shore but even then he seemed miles away.  "Why do have these thoughts to begin with, don't you know?" I tried to hide the desperation in my voice, I was freaking out, but I was a little mad, how could he NOT know?
 In that moment, I felt his muscles clenched and I caught him; there was something in the back of his mind, something he wasn't letting up and I needed to know what it was. He grinned a little too weakly but I picked up on it. "I just want to feel a little more narcissistic than usual, my dove." I wasn't buying it, I looked away because I didn't want his charm to get to me. "Is there something wrong Taka?" Just as i suspected using his real name made him more tense. "Is there something you need to tell me?" his eyes fleeted away from mine, and I knew something was up. I backed away from him a little, because I got that same feeling I got that day I heard that Glorious Jane got an offer for a contract, I knew that feeling all too well, because it birthed inside of me a desolation I have tried for many years to forget and it was now creeping up my spine into the comers of my mind, and the earth around me was crumbling down, or maybe I was shaking I don't know which could be more truth. "I just want to be sure," he said but his voice was sad, not coy, not charming, I took the netbook off my lap and placed it on the coffee table, but I still had that feeling, so I let him know. "You're scaring me Takamasa, and I don't like that you asked me this, so tell me, what is it that you're hiding, because I'm not stupid, if there's something you don't like about me, or about being with me, or being with me at all, you need to tell me right now."I reached for his hand, but hesitated and instead held on to my arms, this was making me sick, and then he reached for me, and wrapped his arms around my body finding my hand and enclosing it in his. A glint in his eyes as I turned to face him, " I just want to be sure you're happy, sometimes I think that being wih me is hard on you, I don't want to be a jerk or an elitist, but you know that I've been nin this industry since I was 15, and I've never stayed with someone longer than a few months, we're going on a year, so i don't know if I'm doing things right, I just know that I met a girl, wih a beautiful voice, and a cute personality, she's gorgeous on the eyes, and for some reason, agreed to be mine after knowing me for a night, and since then, we've had many things happened, to my fans attacking you to your friends attacking me, and to the tabloids making the most ridiculous rumors, I've hurt you, and stole you, and you let me come back after breaking you, I am a bad, bad person, and yet here you are, are you sure, I'm what you want?" He said the words and I relived those memories as he did, i remember things he doesn't. I remember when we lost Sylvia, and i remember when I hid his drugs under the carpet, and I remember when he went with me to my father's funeral, I remember him pleading with Seiko to get along so that he could stay with me on the road, and i remember those dark days too. I remember he threw me into the cab with a suitcase and we headed to Paris, I remember his violent kisses and being thrown into a glass vase that cut my hand, I remember the slap when I wouldn't react, and i remember the cold touch of him. I remember leaving when he passed out, and taking the first plane to Tokyo, I remember crying in my blonde wig about it, and I remember Seiko's hug and Haruka....I recall Haruka's warm chest on on my cheek, his heart beat in my ear, his hand in my hair, and the pressure of his embrace as I cried.  the warm liquid from my eyes on his shirt, and looking up to see him there, asleep, not annoyed, but something else. Oh yeah, I remember that he's Nana's and not mine, and I had no right to use him to forget Taka, because when Taka came to find me, I did hesitate because of Haruka, but Haruka didn't come after me, he left me, he yelled at me for being stupid but he didn't come after me, because Haruka doesn't want me, he doesn't love me,  he probably never did. I looked to Masake, he's wondering what's in my head, and I lean my head against his neck, "I have what I want right here, and I don't want you to

// The Girl with the Bump on her head.

"Hey Saga, Who's that?"
Saga was taking a drink from a brown bottled beer and turned to see whom I meant, she was leaning against the balcony fixing the lights that made an arc on the railing. She had long wavy hair, or it might have been curled, dark brown, light tan skin, and a mouth that was small, but made a very appealing arc when it widened, her smile must be pretty. She wore a black collar shirt with sleeves that ended at the elbows, no ruffles, but it clung and had chains on the buttons, a tattered vest, those necklaces with the long chains and a bat necklace. She had black devil horns for a costume, and a tail that hung from her ripped yellow newspaper printed jeans, like me she wore creepers, but hers were leather black, and two inches thick, mine were half an  inch, I was already heading for 6'4" she must have been a whole foot and half shorter than I was, maybe 5' maybe 5'3" I wasn't sure. While wondering this Saga had revealed her identity, "Oh, that's Charlotte, she's in Seiko's band." Her head jerked away from the lights, and for a few seconds she looked in my direction, seamed to hear her name but didn't recognize us, so she looked away a bit disappointed.


However, that wasn't the first time I'd seen Charlotte.
No else knew, but the day I got into USC, majoring in Physics, that day we played a gig, and it surprised me how popular we got, I got three girls coming up to me trying to sleep with me, maybe if I was raised differently i might have taken the offer, but I didn't like that kind of attention, I left the show after the gig and went down to the beach to think about it, we just played a show in Venice a few houses away from the beach by the bus stop and the playset.
I remember walking down the sand and seeing something black by the water in the moonlight it was hard to tell without my glasses, it was a girl, she was sleeping, it was summer and the water was warm, but it was still strange. Thinking maybe she'd wash away I picked her up,she didn't weight much, and took her to the grassy playground. At this beach lots of people sleep its not uncommon, but if she was by the water she could get taken by a rouge wave, I've actually done this before, so I didn't particularly mind. Looking at her as she slept, she winced when I set her down but she didn't wake up, she opened her eyes for a split second but they didn't focus on me, she must have been spent because she slept right through it. I watched over her for a while, not really thinking about her, but about how I was going to juggle school, a job, and the band. I had two girls talking about dating, but I just don't have time for that, and on top of everything, I would be moving to LA. I already discussed that part with my step-dad a few months ago when I mentioned I might be going to USC, he came to a decision that I would live in an aparment close to campus, Saga and Shou already are looking into places by Koreatown, incidently the music scene. It wasn't very far from campus, but not too close either. We drive around for most gigs at Long Beach, but Los Angeles is intergrated, we would certainly do all our shows in town. The street lights were coming off, the sun must be rising in about an hour, I took my jacket off and placed it over this girl, looking at her before I left, I noticed that her face was bleeding, and so were she hands, they had scrapes on them. I called an ambulace, and  waited until they got there, I directed the paramedics to her, they quickly realized that she was unconscious from a concussion, if I hadn't called them she would have died, they thanked me and took her away,  I took a last look at her as they strapped her into the cart and into the ambulance. Who ever that girl was I hoped she would live, I don't remember the color of that jacket, because it wasn't important to me, but that jolt when I touched her ribs when I set her down, and her eyes flashed open and she whined. I know from that fight I got into with Marcus Saint, that her bones were broken, someone must have beat her but out here, i don't think so, on the drive back I kept coming back to that girl, maybe I should have stayed, maybe I should have gotten in the ambulance and taken her to the hospital myself. What was I afraid of? I don't know, but when I got home I was so tired I jumped on the sofa and slept.

That memory stirred again later that night, we were getting ready to see the first band perform, so we headed over to the stage area. Just then Saga and I got thrown onto the stage area by a drunk girl who incomprehensibly was asking where the bathroom was, I hit someone hard and knocked them into the drum set, and could feel the pain in my ribs from them hilt of the snare, Saga was luckily behind me and suffering no damage, but the person in front of me, let out a groan. "What the fuck is your problem?"  a girl, he turned for an explanation but instinctively i bowed and apologized to her, my hair was long and tousled covered most of my face, but I could see, that it was her. Now with a red bump on her temple from the silver gears of the drum set, she held her head and disappeared behind the stage.  "Dude," Saga behind me laughed a little, "Did you make the girl cry? Vicious." He shook his head in disaproval but was still laughing at my expense, I tried to go after the girl but I lost her in the crowd.  I returned to the stage and realized that Saga, Shou and Riki were already there, in fact, Riki was on this drums and I realized that it was his set, I hurt a girl who was setting up our equipment, the guilt hit me, but I promised I'd appologize properly to her when I saw her later, now, we have a show to do, and we can't let Seiko down, specially for Saga's sake. He joked with me, and tuned his bass at an angle like he was shooting me, I knocked him back a bit and the chord hit a high note, causing everyone near the low toned speakers to reach for their ears, we had a laugh. The crowd had finally finished to form around us and Seiko jumped on the stage with another guy, he was as tall as I was, and had medium length, mildly blond bleached and black hair, wearing sunglasses and a biker jacket, he looked intimiating, I could see Saga reach for Seiko to pull her in closer, and he did, the other guy didn't even care, must have been a test, but from Seiko's annoyed reaction, all he tested was the resistance to the back of her hand on his jaw, and he quickly let her go and she grabbed the mic and welcomed everyone, all while Saga rubbed his jaw and seemed to carry out a mini dramatization mouthing "oh woe is me". I couldn't tell if her was acting but Shou and Riki laughed anyways as well as a bit of the crowd who saw, it made Seiko look back at him, but he straightened up and pretended to tune his guitar looking as innocent as he could he blew her a kiss, she rolled her eyes and caught it, before Saga could et lovey again,  the biker looking guy took the mic and spoke inj a quite chilling voice, kind of a like a yakuza. "Can I get some noise up in this nest?  Tonight we have five local visual bands with us, you know very well the scene we have and if you are unfamiliar you will meet our talented Japanese enthusiastic homless boy bands, and dare I call it Mischiveous brats princess, I'm talking to you Charls,-" He seemed to shoot out into the balcony, and there she was, laughing and a bit shyly, looking down to the veranda, but for an instant her eyes met mine, again I had that feeling, it made my bones shiver, and then I looked away, I shouldn't stare not are girls like her, and specially since I attacked her practically.