A Billion Starry Nights

It's been too long since I felt his warmth. Too long without the beating of my chest being noticeable. The emptiness inside, I want to feel it, but I feel nothing. It's only when I scream that I know it's real, that it's not a dream or some crazy illusion I've brought upon myself somehow. Learning everything all over again as I awake, surrendering to sleep I no longer find comforting, I drift within myself, like a vessels whose wheel has gone array, no captain at the helm, no anchor to weigh it down. Nothing, a slow but strong current that is leading me to more numbness and waking. Teathered though, I manage to find myself back where I am, at the house by the Sea in Hokkaido, in the closet with the window that I never really used as a closet, it's more like a gateway now, a gateway to another world; the world where I can kick and scream and feel the burning pain as I feel the emptiness, the void where the warmth once was, the desire to turn back time, the drynes...

she was slimmer than I imagined. Taller too, i never grew past 5' she must have been around 5'5" or 5'6", either way, still taller, around Seiko's height maybe. Nana Ryuusei, was her stage name, the name she's made an empire on, her real name only a few people outside the label know, Nana Fukaku. Daughter of a business man, of course nothing was ever a 'no' in her life, but unlike I imagined she turned out to be a very self-less and gentle person. We met at Sadako's 7th anniversary party, also to congraulate her for her 22nd birthday which took place the day before. Many bands were there, some I admired from thier indies days, some stull in their indies days. Lead guitarist of gurugororu, a heavy visual band, Faro and I were deep in conversation about how we hated playing in people's homes, of course the broken Japanese on my part was helping but he knew a little english so he threw in an english word when he could, we ended up laughing a l...