Skip to main content

// "April 21st, Zepp Tokyo"

Pulling into the venue was a spectacular sight, already fans were lining on the street talking to eachother, looking slightly tired, some still excited, I wonder how low they've been waiting there? Light music playing the inside Zepp where the bar was located roared out there three staff members and a velvet rope guarded the glass doors, still closed they promised that when that sun set magic would drug them into a euphoric state filled with the sounds of a Nation hungry to perform. How long has it been? I'm aching for that stage as well, I look push the button to let down the window, some fans notice, they call out to me yelling my name and hello's, sweet nothings that mean everything to me, I thank them and say hello back. We pull up to the back entrance where only a few fans standing flock towards the van, "Finally!" Seiko calls out, she urges Emily  who's already opening the door and shooing the fans to let us through to hurry up. "Finally we're here, like you said Chara" Erins calls out to me I jockingly pretend to flick his eye and he jumps out of the van, following by Tomo who still has his earphones in, I take a deep breath and slide out of the van, it's cold.
We were greeted by staff as we made our way through,more staff members are there blocking the path of the fans whom I wave to, some are dressed like various members of the band, I spot two Seiko's and Erin's, Tomo, and me, but they are calm and shy, as I'm walking behind Tomo a girl with short black hair and a thick pink streak calls out to me, "Good Afternoon, Chara-Hime!" this makes me smile, and I bow slightly and return her greeting, I see the rest of the members are doing this as well, Tomo however stoped behind me to sign a couple of things, a boy in front of me calls our "picture, can I take a picture?" I agree to which Emily doesn't as she shoots me a look, but I pull off my glasses and strike a crazy face pose he seems to enjoy as he takes the picture, he thanks me and I am ushered by Emily who closes the door behind, "It was just a picture Ems, chill out."
"We need to rehearse as soon as we can since we're running late, so just go run a quick rehearsal while I check and see when you're clothes will be here," I looked around and it seemed that there was no looks of disappointment, clearly we were al just dying to go on stage, "Calvary, charge!" Seiko lead the way to the stage, laughing I followed behind her and pulled on Tomo's sleeve to follow charging down the corridor I heard him behind me and Erin soon passed both me and Seiko. We made it to the stage after getting lost for a bit and actually made it to the floor, the bars already in line, I really hate that this is the way people attend concerts here, but it keeps people safer? I still don't know the purpose of them, I make my way through and Tomo who's already on stage  gives me a hand and pulls me up. The lights are all on, later they would all be dimmed down to an ember.  I look out to the venue, I think about who's played here and how long it took us to get here, the posters outside his place of majesty, my face in cool eyeliner next to seiko's bright pink hair, Tomo's smirk as the camera catches his softer side and Erin's half opened mouth almost a lover letter, I wonder then, if I'm worthy of this here, who am I but a gaijin, a indies phenomena that happened to catch the heart of a legen and then be thrown away like yesterdays sashimi. I once wrote a song for someone whom i knew would reach greater heights and with that song the loves me life made way for us and our wierdness. A sound not heard of shaky Japanese, but unshaking desire to rise to this very stage, a place that once you pay homage you're basically inside the club. I could only get in holding on to Masake, wanting to run away. Some would say that the past summer festival in which we toured across countries far away from Asia and had instant recognition and a decent fan following would have branded us major, but it is this moment right here, standing in a vast hall that sold out in less than ten minutes and jammed phone lines and crash servers that I find myself and I look behind me to my band mates and I think, "they deserve it" but me...I'm just lucky to included. I try to shake the feeling off and we begin our rehearsal lights flash, and Sato joins us on stage,

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

// I wish time would stand still, me like this, you like that."

I remembered not so long ago, I read a comment a friend made of me and of Haruka, she called him my Terry. I didn't understand it, until I asked Seiko, Seiko threw her entire collection of Candy Candy on my lap and I read them gradually as we toured in Hokkaido. I understood it then, that he was Terry, because he was just like him, his role in my life, but... did that make me Candy? Or Susannah? Because he stayed with Susannah? The reason I'm with Haruka now has nothing to do with him being guilty of me, what of? But, If I'm Candy, does that mean...that I'll lose him some day? Why didn't she run to Terry when she saw him on that stage? Why did it matter tht he had to stay with the girl who black mailed him into marrying her? Why? I do not understand it, if she really loved him she would have let him go, but i guess that's what Candy did, she let him go, because she loved him, because she felt guilty, because she felt her love reflected in another. the...

I met you that day, I lost my mind, I found my heart, and I could breathe again, calmly.

 I was never a fan of what people call ' soul mates .' In fact, I never believed the concept had any standing in the real world. It's a fantasy that people tell each other, like there really is one person curated for our every wish and want and need. I think we have a say in this world, not a soul mate, but a person, tangible and grounded, and on that ground we find that ours is even, not a mound or a hole around us, and we can walk together on that path. The souls we seek are like this, on the same path, and they are our chosen family. I think that's a stronger bond, family, I haven't had the best relationships with my own kin, but my friends and him ...I think I chose them as my family. I wasn't used to the type of attention Masake bestowed upon me, I wondered if it was my voice, people seemed to be captivated by it, I'm grateful for that, but is that what he was after? Perhaps it was my body that attracted him to me, I am on the heavier side of a medium ...

//he became the sun.

There were things about Los Angeles that I loved, living with crazy seiko who loved to paint on the brick wall and make instant foods was fun for me, Tomos constant sleeping waiting for his shift at the Hollywood cemetery was comforting I studied at work when t wasn't busy but I wasn't hitting my assignments and my sister was worried. The thing I didn't like about Los Angeles though was that Harris didnt live here he was still living in long beach because his college was full on dorms, so he took the metro here every day sometimes his car he had a very nice Volvo, I wonder if he has money not because I want it, but because I feel embarrassed and somehow below people with money but unlike those girls that made me feel awful about myself and my household income Haruka has never given me that vibe, I wonder what it is and does it have to do with the tightening on my chest when I think about him, I feel as I'm passing a big piece of bread that is stuck inside my throat and...