These days things happen naturally.
With Haruka beside me every morning, and this immense love I feel, of those secrets I quietly cling to, of the distance between me and everyone else except for him.
I want to kiss him, and when I do, he lights up, the light of my life, I wonder sometimes how I could have survived without him all this time. My only soul...."My only soul."
I want to care more for him, but I haven't had much knowledge about it, in the practice room I watch Saga doting on Seiko, getting her something to drink, I do the same. Asking about her day, I do the same, sometimes he randomly kisses her, I do the same. There isn't a reason for my wanting to become closer to him is there? Everytime I do these things he looks happier and happier, but when Saga does these things Seiko gets so annoyed she bites and pushes him away, we laugh sometimes, but always Seiko brings him closer to her. I wonder how they fell in love, because if I had to define two people who look truly made for eachother it's these two.
Walking home after practice I hold Haruka's hand, "You cold?" he asks coyly and wraps his right arm around me, "taking off early?" I hear Shou call, we turn in unison and see the two groups chattering away, "You guys going off on a date aren'tcha?" Tomo teases, I can't help but become embarrased and hide my face in Haruka's jacket, "awww, leave em alone," Seiko chuckles, god how embarrasing, I wanna just go home and lay down beside Haruka and talk. He gives me a squeeze, "Where you guys going to head to?" unexpectedly these words dissapoint me. I want to be alone but he..."Kareokke at Tamoyo's, tonight imported beer pitcher's half off, come on!" To my dismay Haruka pulled me with him, though I naturally followed him anywhere he went, and so off we went, and I hate that I'm so dissapointed, I want to be alone, I love my friends but...I feel that if we aren't alone, I can't talk to him like I want to.
I say nothing on our way but Haruka notices my mood, "I'm gonna buy some cigs here, and catch up with you guys, that cool?" "Sure, get me a ack as well," "Me too," Seiko calls. He let's me go, and I become cold rapidly, frozen to the pavement, he doubles back and takes my hand, "Come on, I wanna talk to you, my mars," the pet name eases me,and makes my heart melty, but I know words I want to hide will come to light in a few seconds, there is a strom in my stomach.
He leans against hte side of the shop next to a flower garden, and pulls me in, I look away from those hazel eyes that I swear can read my mind, but he pulls my jaw towards him, and searches my face for something. "What's in there, I can't see it without my glasses, tell me."
I shirt my gaze to the flowers, back to his jacket, to my nose, anything to avoid it. I remain silent.
Time could have gone on and I wouldnt have noticed, the sadness and shamefulness for the feelings I have overwhelm me and I can only cloe my eyes and shake my head.
the shaking begins, he sighs. "Come here,"
Haruka's a very gentle person, somehow I know this movement of him, and I look directly into those eyes. "We...did we meet before Halloween?"
There's a widening of his eyes and he closes his eyes, grining slightly he embraces me even more. "Perhaps in another life," I sigh this time, because those mystic ways of addressing my questions are a point i adore about him, and that cool voice whispers to me. "are you mad because I'm taking us to kareoke instead of home?" I bite him, this reflex happens without my noticing and he chuckles. "That so? Ahh...how did you become this adorable?" Me? "I'm not....you really do need your glasses." He nudges his nose against mine, the pressure brings a stange pleasure and his warm breath on my cheeks is making me swoon, why it is that when he's this close and melty I want him to hold me closer? I wrap my arms around him and press my lips against his. I can feel it from him too, somethin dangerous behind those kisses and the way his fingers press on the small of my back and lightly on my hair, those hazel eyes entrap me, some loving desire in them, I think this is what they call passion.
bite him again and he bites me back chuckling, "You gonna eat me alive one of these days I just know it." I bury my face in his chest, he really is too tall, and sigh. "Is it silly that I got mad over hanging out with our friends? I feel bad....but, I thought you wanted to be alone as well," he embraces me and begins to rock sideways, I feel like a child he's consoling, but somehow this is a very lovely gesture, and I feel like maybe he is my family now, this affection, it's making my heart race and I feel safe and never want to let him go. "my Mars, I'm not mad, and it's not silly...I think it's normal to want to monopolize me, after all, I am pretty amazing," I chuckle at this, "Ahh...that is true, hmm." I'm lost in this embrace, it's feeling too good, "You're much more amazing, I'm not just saying that because you've become my own, but I want to be with you forever, spending a few nights with our friends that love us as well and have fun with us, that's a fair compromise, don't you think it's fair for them to bask in our company as well?" This intelligent and gentle way of talking... I wonder where he found such words, who taught them to him, he says something in japanese I don't understand, except for the part where he asks me if I understand. "Boku wa modotte boku ga ie o yobu basho ni o-dzure shitai, anata ga rikai shite imasu ka?" I think it's important, but whatever he's said... "Wakarimashita" these words bring back that smile, I love it, I kiss him, and that night turned out to be great, I sang a song with Shou, and we all laughed at Tomo and Saga's duet of "Dove's cry" so many songs we've forgotten and of course we sang Loversoul. I wanted to capture the moment in a picture, but Seiko took plenty of picture with us in fun posses, at some point I was taking a drink and he pulled me in to her and kissed my cheek, it took me by surprise but before I had time to complain to her about the drink all over my shirt, she was doign the same to Tomo, and then Erin, "she's drunk," a very tipsy Saga exclaimed. "The demon must be stopped, heey, heey HEY photo demon-chan, come here, come and save me." We all laughed at their drunk exchanges, something warm inside my heart. i realized it then what Haruka was telling me....without words, maybe he wanted me to realize...'this is our family.' I caught his gaze on me across the room he was drinking with Shou in a corner, he smiled warmly at me and said something I didn't understand , they must have been talking in Japanese Shou looked my way, something strange in the way he looked at me, it was there for a second, then gone. I must have been the booze, maybe I was drunk, I look back at Haruka who was now opening another bottle, when I spotted Shou again he was back to his normal happy self. I spent the night singing, but...I recalled that look of Shou's, I know where I saw it...the day I came back from San Fransisco with Haruka, we were so tired and had the day free of work and school, we slept in his room until dusk, I got up to get a drink, and caught Shou just getting home from him job as a host at a restaurant. It was awkward, I thought that's what it was, but as he said hello to me, there was something underlying...maybe it was guilt, something sad and unreacheable, maybe he wishes he never knew about my feelings. "Hello, Shou." the words came naturally, and I acted as if nothing happened, because really, I knew he'd never return my feelings, besides, he's a good friend, I'd rather have that... than nothing. I got a bottle of water, when he asked me what I was doing in the apartment. "I'm here with him, he's sleeping, don't worry I'll leave soon," he didn't say anything after, when I left Shou was already gone, a note on the table. I happened to see it as I was leaving. "Welcome back, catch a drink tonight? Text me! - Shou." I made up my mind then, I tuned the note around, there was a picture of something the paper was ripped from the paper in a corner I took a pen from my bag and scribbled, "I love your smile Haru, I really do. Will you keep smiling with me like we did at SF? - Chara." I realized it then when i wrote those words, I loved Haruka, my heart became melty and I wanted to return to that bed with him and stay close to him, but I had things to take care of, living this way can be tiring sometimes, but...if I can stay with that lovely guy sleeping in the room with the blue walls, I think I can find the happiness I never thought could exist.
With Haruka beside me every morning, and this immense love I feel, of those secrets I quietly cling to, of the distance between me and everyone else except for him.
I want to kiss him, and when I do, he lights up, the light of my life, I wonder sometimes how I could have survived without him all this time. My only soul...."My only soul."
I want to care more for him, but I haven't had much knowledge about it, in the practice room I watch Saga doting on Seiko, getting her something to drink, I do the same. Asking about her day, I do the same, sometimes he randomly kisses her, I do the same. There isn't a reason for my wanting to become closer to him is there? Everytime I do these things he looks happier and happier, but when Saga does these things Seiko gets so annoyed she bites and pushes him away, we laugh sometimes, but always Seiko brings him closer to her. I wonder how they fell in love, because if I had to define two people who look truly made for eachother it's these two.
Walking home after practice I hold Haruka's hand, "You cold?" he asks coyly and wraps his right arm around me, "taking off early?" I hear Shou call, we turn in unison and see the two groups chattering away, "You guys going off on a date aren'tcha?" Tomo teases, I can't help but become embarrased and hide my face in Haruka's jacket, "awww, leave em alone," Seiko chuckles, god how embarrasing, I wanna just go home and lay down beside Haruka and talk. He gives me a squeeze, "Where you guys going to head to?" unexpectedly these words dissapoint me. I want to be alone but he..."Kareokke at Tamoyo's, tonight imported beer pitcher's half off, come on!" To my dismay Haruka pulled me with him, though I naturally followed him anywhere he went, and so off we went, and I hate that I'm so dissapointed, I want to be alone, I love my friends but...I feel that if we aren't alone, I can't talk to him like I want to.
I say nothing on our way but Haruka notices my mood, "I'm gonna buy some cigs here, and catch up with you guys, that cool?" "Sure, get me a ack as well," "Me too," Seiko calls. He let's me go, and I become cold rapidly, frozen to the pavement, he doubles back and takes my hand, "Come on, I wanna talk to you, my mars," the pet name eases me,and makes my heart melty, but I know words I want to hide will come to light in a few seconds, there is a strom in my stomach.
He leans against hte side of the shop next to a flower garden, and pulls me in, I look away from those hazel eyes that I swear can read my mind, but he pulls my jaw towards him, and searches my face for something. "What's in there, I can't see it without my glasses, tell me."
I shirt my gaze to the flowers, back to his jacket, to my nose, anything to avoid it. I remain silent.
Time could have gone on and I wouldnt have noticed, the sadness and shamefulness for the feelings I have overwhelm me and I can only cloe my eyes and shake my head.
the shaking begins, he sighs. "Come here,"
Haruka's a very gentle person, somehow I know this movement of him, and I look directly into those eyes. "We...did we meet before Halloween?"
There's a widening of his eyes and he closes his eyes, grining slightly he embraces me even more. "Perhaps in another life," I sigh this time, because those mystic ways of addressing my questions are a point i adore about him, and that cool voice whispers to me. "are you mad because I'm taking us to kareoke instead of home?" I bite him, this reflex happens without my noticing and he chuckles. "That so? Ahh...how did you become this adorable?" Me? "I'm not....you really do need your glasses." He nudges his nose against mine, the pressure brings a stange pleasure and his warm breath on my cheeks is making me swoon, why it is that when he's this close and melty I want him to hold me closer? I wrap my arms around him and press my lips against his. I can feel it from him too, somethin dangerous behind those kisses and the way his fingers press on the small of my back and lightly on my hair, those hazel eyes entrap me, some loving desire in them, I think this is what they call passion.
bite him again and he bites me back chuckling, "You gonna eat me alive one of these days I just know it." I bury my face in his chest, he really is too tall, and sigh. "Is it silly that I got mad over hanging out with our friends? I feel bad....but, I thought you wanted to be alone as well," he embraces me and begins to rock sideways, I feel like a child he's consoling, but somehow this is a very lovely gesture, and I feel like maybe he is my family now, this affection, it's making my heart race and I feel safe and never want to let him go. "my Mars, I'm not mad, and it's not silly...I think it's normal to want to monopolize me, after all, I am pretty amazing," I chuckle at this, "Ahh...that is true, hmm." I'm lost in this embrace, it's feeling too good, "You're much more amazing, I'm not just saying that because you've become my own, but I want to be with you forever, spending a few nights with our friends that love us as well and have fun with us, that's a fair compromise, don't you think it's fair for them to bask in our company as well?" This intelligent and gentle way of talking... I wonder where he found such words, who taught them to him, he says something in japanese I don't understand, except for the part where he asks me if I understand. "Boku wa modotte boku ga ie o yobu basho ni o-dzure shitai, anata ga rikai shite imasu ka?" I think it's important, but whatever he's said... "Wakarimashita" these words bring back that smile, I love it, I kiss him, and that night turned out to be great, I sang a song with Shou, and we all laughed at Tomo and Saga's duet of "Dove's cry" so many songs we've forgotten and of course we sang Loversoul. I wanted to capture the moment in a picture, but Seiko took plenty of picture with us in fun posses, at some point I was taking a drink and he pulled me in to her and kissed my cheek, it took me by surprise but before I had time to complain to her about the drink all over my shirt, she was doign the same to Tomo, and then Erin, "she's drunk," a very tipsy Saga exclaimed. "The demon must be stopped, heey, heey HEY photo demon-chan, come here, come and save me." We all laughed at their drunk exchanges, something warm inside my heart. i realized it then what Haruka was telling me....without words, maybe he wanted me to realize...'this is our family.' I caught his gaze on me across the room he was drinking with Shou in a corner, he smiled warmly at me and said something I didn't understand , they must have been talking in Japanese Shou looked my way, something strange in the way he looked at me, it was there for a second, then gone. I must have been the booze, maybe I was drunk, I look back at Haruka who was now opening another bottle, when I spotted Shou again he was back to his normal happy self. I spent the night singing, but...I recalled that look of Shou's, I know where I saw it...the day I came back from San Fransisco with Haruka, we were so tired and had the day free of work and school, we slept in his room until dusk, I got up to get a drink, and caught Shou just getting home from him job as a host at a restaurant. It was awkward, I thought that's what it was, but as he said hello to me, there was something underlying...maybe it was guilt, something sad and unreacheable, maybe he wishes he never knew about my feelings. "Hello, Shou." the words came naturally, and I acted as if nothing happened, because really, I knew he'd never return my feelings, besides, he's a good friend, I'd rather have that... than nothing. I got a bottle of water, when he asked me what I was doing in the apartment. "I'm here with him, he's sleeping, don't worry I'll leave soon," he didn't say anything after, when I left Shou was already gone, a note on the table. I happened to see it as I was leaving. "Welcome back, catch a drink tonight? Text me! - Shou." I made up my mind then, I tuned the note around, there was a picture of something the paper was ripped from the paper in a corner I took a pen from my bag and scribbled, "I love your smile Haru, I really do. Will you keep smiling with me like we did at SF? - Chara." I realized it then when i wrote those words, I loved Haruka, my heart became melty and I wanted to return to that bed with him and stay close to him, but I had things to take care of, living this way can be tiring sometimes, but...if I can stay with that lovely guy sleeping in the room with the blue walls, I think I can find the happiness I never thought could exist.
Comments
Post a Comment