Haruka's been dealing with another client, ever since the hiatus of Glorious Jane began all the guys have been busier than usual. I went over to Seiko's house, she was trying to get Ama into a tutu and toe shoes, Mina, her Nanny let me in. I couldn't show anything on my face to Seiko, I was so perpetually lost in the jealousy fog that I had trouble helping her with basic necessities, like holding her baby, or composing the lyrics to her composition. She stopped it in the middle of the bridge, her face held an uneasy expression, placing her hand on my head , "You're acting wierd, is something wrong?" I shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it, and truthfully, I didn't think Seiko was interested but she was being polite, "Nothing's wrong, keep playing," I smiled at her, she seemed to buy it, I turned back to Ama, my smile fading, and my mind being taken over with things I've noticed. Haruka's stopped calling at 6'o clock, he usually did this because he was coming home, but since he's got this new client, I haven't heard it ringing until 9pm. He's also not eating at home, ever, last week we had the twins with us the entire week he'd barely been home, I dropped them off at Mom's condo a few hours before coming over, again, I stare at the clock waiting for him to call me, but he wont, as I expect, and I'll go home and make myself something to eat alone again. Just then, I noticed Seiko's guitar come to a halt, she grabbed her notebook and scratched notes into it, erasing and re constructing it, "Seiko?" I called out to her without looking up she answered my call, "Yeah, what's up?" Still scribbling, "How long as it been since we released the Nebula album? Three months right?" I had noticed something just then, "Three months... Yeah, we released it in June, why?" I started to freak out a little, because I noticed something, my...my period was extremely late, and I haven't ad sex with Haruka in all that time, wait... I haven't had, he hasn't really wanted to, and I haven't either. A shadow came over me then as I the idiot that I am finally realized that three things are happening in my life, "Seiko, I think... that either, Haruka's cheating on me, I might seriously be prematurely menopausal, or.. I'm pregnant, maybe two of those things are true," The weight of it all fell on me, and I turned to Seiko, her face was stoic, she didn't blink, it seemed as if an hour had passed in those seconds, and then she finally said with the same look in her eyes, "Maybe one of those things is true, Charls, let's go find out."
We must have waited no more than 30 minutes I took the strip in my hand the little thing burned blue, "what does blue mean?" I called out to Seiko, "It means there's a bun in your oven, it's been three months?" I came out of the stall. "Yeah, but I don't feel anything, maybe something's wrong?"
I should have known then, I didn't tell Haruka that night, he came home almost half asleep Tomo brought him he was also collaborating with the client as a producer and mixer. I trusted Tomo so I told him after we put Haruka to bed.
"I'm scared Tomo, what if it happens again? That other time I didn't feel anything either." He put him arm on around me and gave me a squeeze, "Don't worry, whatever happens you're gonna do great, but if you're really concerned go see a doctor, tomorrow, don't wait, and you're right, don't tell Haruka, he really wants a girl you know, he told me a while ago." this made me grin, maybe it could happen, a girl, I wonder, would she too have Haruka's eyes? I couldn't shake the feeling, I held onto my stomach as I lead Tomo out the door, he asked me for some advice on a gift to get his new girlfriend for her birthday. "Give her a tree, an apple tree,"I said, recalling Yuna's fondness of her garden, he thought about it for a while then a grin came over his face, "Yeah, I think she'd really like that, it will go great with the peach tree she planted last month" I bid Tomo goodnight as he walked down tot he elevator closing the door behind me, I heard Haruka calling my name, very softly, "Mars,....Mars come here." He was burried inside the covers and the pillows, I sat beside him on the bed, but as soon as I did he reached his arms out pulling me close to him. It emanated from him like a flame, an odorless scent, a colorless color, an unspoken word, a question without an answer, his love for me. Instinctively I put my hands on his skin, turned my head I kissed his neck, and softly he whispered , "I've missed you much, so very very much, did you miss me?" he asked concernly and gave me a squeeze, but I was kind of mad at him, "Oh, have you been gone?" I teased a little bitterly, he bit my ear, "Hey, that hurt," he chuckled and nuzzled me,"That hurt me too, say you missed me, say you were lost without me," I tried my best to shake his nuzzles and shook my head, "Why not, are you mad at me?" I didn't want to admit it, he loosed his grip a little , "I knew it, I'm sorry for disappearing," his voice was sullen "what's my punishment?" He asked squeezing me again but it was more than a hug, oh yeah "Not so tight," I remembered there might be someone else here, "Hmm, cramps?" Perfect. "Yeah," he loosed his grip and patted my stomach sighing. "Ahh, well that's punishment enough, but if you wanna add something else for that hug I'll take it," kissing my hair I shook my head, as he poured his loving gestures over me, sudden,y I needed to be sure of that other thing, but when Haruka was going out of his way to be extra sweet me to, it only made me more suspecious because this is what Masake would do. I had a bad feeling in my stomach then, and I ripped away from his and stood up, but something pulled me to the floor and my knees buckled on the hardwoof floor hard, then a sharp pain came from my stomach. "Charlotte!" I heard the panic in his voice and he was over me and examined me on the floor, but I cluthed at my stomach and I felt strangely familiar, "No, No....Please NO!" I screamed and tried to get up with all my might I managed to and Haruka rose catching me as I almost fell over again, he was frantic and pulled out his phone "I'm calling an ambulance!" I shook my head, "we need to get there now!" I was still screaming, Haruka was so confused and carried me like that time in Azayaka, no questions he knew where we were going. We went down the flight of stairs and into the lobby quickly he opened his car and tucked me in the back seat, I was still writhing in pain and for a second I thought a flash of white came ovr me like the time, like the awful time, "no, I'm not letting you leave me" I thought to myself, "You're not going anywhere," but i said that outloud and Haruka who was already driving us out of the parking lot as fast as he could looked back at me confused, and just then as he accelerated into the Tokyo Streets I think he understood because his hand reached back for me and took mine. "Hang in there, Princess," The pain was great and I dug my nails into Haruka's hands I couldn't held but scream, but I didn't care what passerby's thought. We were rushing by all rafic signs even passing pedestrians where honked away by Haruka who pushed the car through the crowd. I've never seen him so flustered and determined. I don't remember how long it was but it was quick we came to the hospital, and to the emergency drop off, Haruka got out of the car he pulled me in his arms to carry me without even turning the car off or shutting the door he ran with me to the emergency room as i continued to clutch at my stomach, that's when I saw his arm as he adjusted me, it was bloody, then I saw the hem of my dress, my black dress, was covered in blood. Haruka spoke to someone in fast Japanese and I was quickly moved into a room with bright lights and placed on a table, I didn't know what was going on anymore I just saw the blood in my hands as i gripped the drenched hem of my skirt, "NO,...don't leave me!" i whispered this and then I felt a mask over me, before I knew it a haloed figure had sent me to the whiteness alone.
I had a good dream.
I was on a rooftop somewhere lost in time, I didn't recognize this place but it was filled with a soft wind that tossled my hair and was holding someone's hand, it was small and soft it was moist with a powdery feeling and I turned to see a younger version of myself the exact eyes and shape of her mouth, he nose that was a little too wide and her beauty spot under her eyebrow
We must have waited no more than 30 minutes I took the strip in my hand the little thing burned blue, "what does blue mean?" I called out to Seiko, "It means there's a bun in your oven, it's been three months?" I came out of the stall. "Yeah, but I don't feel anything, maybe something's wrong?"
I should have known then, I didn't tell Haruka that night, he came home almost half asleep Tomo brought him he was also collaborating with the client as a producer and mixer. I trusted Tomo so I told him after we put Haruka to bed.
"I'm scared Tomo, what if it happens again? That other time I didn't feel anything either." He put him arm on around me and gave me a squeeze, "Don't worry, whatever happens you're gonna do great, but if you're really concerned go see a doctor, tomorrow, don't wait, and you're right, don't tell Haruka, he really wants a girl you know, he told me a while ago." this made me grin, maybe it could happen, a girl, I wonder, would she too have Haruka's eyes? I couldn't shake the feeling, I held onto my stomach as I lead Tomo out the door, he asked me for some advice on a gift to get his new girlfriend for her birthday. "Give her a tree, an apple tree,"I said, recalling Yuna's fondness of her garden, he thought about it for a while then a grin came over his face, "Yeah, I think she'd really like that, it will go great with the peach tree she planted last month" I bid Tomo goodnight as he walked down tot he elevator closing the door behind me, I heard Haruka calling my name, very softly, "Mars,....Mars come here." He was burried inside the covers and the pillows, I sat beside him on the bed, but as soon as I did he reached his arms out pulling me close to him. It emanated from him like a flame, an odorless scent, a colorless color, an unspoken word, a question without an answer, his love for me. Instinctively I put my hands on his skin, turned my head I kissed his neck, and softly he whispered , "I've missed you much, so very very much, did you miss me?" he asked concernly and gave me a squeeze, but I was kind of mad at him, "Oh, have you been gone?" I teased a little bitterly, he bit my ear, "Hey, that hurt," he chuckled and nuzzled me,"That hurt me too, say you missed me, say you were lost without me," I tried my best to shake his nuzzles and shook my head, "Why not, are you mad at me?" I didn't want to admit it, he loosed his grip a little , "I knew it, I'm sorry for disappearing," his voice was sullen "what's my punishment?" He asked squeezing me again but it was more than a hug, oh yeah "Not so tight," I remembered there might be someone else here, "Hmm, cramps?" Perfect. "Yeah," he loosed his grip and patted my stomach sighing. "Ahh, well that's punishment enough, but if you wanna add something else for that hug I'll take it," kissing my hair I shook my head, as he poured his loving gestures over me, sudden,y I needed to be sure of that other thing, but when Haruka was going out of his way to be extra sweet me to, it only made me more suspecious because this is what Masake would do. I had a bad feeling in my stomach then, and I ripped away from his and stood up, but something pulled me to the floor and my knees buckled on the hardwoof floor hard, then a sharp pain came from my stomach. "Charlotte!" I heard the panic in his voice and he was over me and examined me on the floor, but I cluthed at my stomach and I felt strangely familiar, "No, No....Please NO!" I screamed and tried to get up with all my might I managed to and Haruka rose catching me as I almost fell over again, he was frantic and pulled out his phone "I'm calling an ambulance!" I shook my head, "we need to get there now!" I was still screaming, Haruka was so confused and carried me like that time in Azayaka, no questions he knew where we were going. We went down the flight of stairs and into the lobby quickly he opened his car and tucked me in the back seat, I was still writhing in pain and for a second I thought a flash of white came ovr me like the time, like the awful time, "no, I'm not letting you leave me" I thought to myself, "You're not going anywhere," but i said that outloud and Haruka who was already driving us out of the parking lot as fast as he could looked back at me confused, and just then as he accelerated into the Tokyo Streets I think he understood because his hand reached back for me and took mine. "Hang in there, Princess," The pain was great and I dug my nails into Haruka's hands I couldn't held but scream, but I didn't care what passerby's thought. We were rushing by all rafic signs even passing pedestrians where honked away by Haruka who pushed the car through the crowd. I've never seen him so flustered and determined. I don't remember how long it was but it was quick we came to the hospital, and to the emergency drop off, Haruka got out of the car he pulled me in his arms to carry me without even turning the car off or shutting the door he ran with me to the emergency room as i continued to clutch at my stomach, that's when I saw his arm as he adjusted me, it was bloody, then I saw the hem of my dress, my black dress, was covered in blood. Haruka spoke to someone in fast Japanese and I was quickly moved into a room with bright lights and placed on a table, I didn't know what was going on anymore I just saw the blood in my hands as i gripped the drenched hem of my skirt, "NO,...don't leave me!" i whispered this and then I felt a mask over me, before I knew it a haloed figure had sent me to the whiteness alone.
I had a good dream.
I was on a rooftop somewhere lost in time, I didn't recognize this place but it was filled with a soft wind that tossled my hair and was holding someone's hand, it was small and soft it was moist with a powdery feeling and I turned to see a younger version of myself the exact eyes and shape of her mouth, he nose that was a little too wide and her beauty spot under her eyebrow
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