June 8th, 2013
"It's not that hard really, kind of like a rehearsal but instead it's infront of an industry that will be looking at you like a piece of meat." the thought was a little scary, but Tomo and Seiko assured me I could do it. I still had my doubts though, "Did Michio have anything to do with that?" Emily shook her head but I didn't believe her, "I don't believe you," They all laughed and Emily put her hands up, "Well, the boss did mention your name to Teru, but he's the one that wants you there." I nodded, "Will I play the piano, or just sing to music?" She looked at her notebook. "You will be accompanied by Hiroki he will be on guitar." "Hiroki!? Wow, I'm more nervous now, ughh... I need a coke." We were in the apartment complex now, in the lounge, I walked up to get one, but one was shoved in my direction, that sparkling red can handed at me by someone who always bring sunshine into my life. "I got two just in case," Shou's smile was enveloping me, and for a little while I couldn't help but just stare at him as he asked Emily the point of our gathering and their responses, how I missed Shou all this time, he's been so busy though, it's good to see him. "So you've been picked to perform tonight?" I nodded and tabbed open my drink, I took a sip and spoke, "Michio had something to do with it I think," Shou laughed, "Oh don't think too highly of yourself," "I don't!" I knew he was joking but it sounded half true. "I just... I think they could have gone with someone better," there was a pause then Seiko spoke up, " You mean someone Asian?" Tomo chuckled so did Emily and Shou, but it was an insecurity for me, "Yes, someone Asian!" I sat back down and Shou Sat on the armchair's arm and put his hand on my head ruffling my hair, "Heey, don't take it that way, we all know what you mean though," Seiko agreed, "Just because some people are asian doesn't make them talented, it has nothing to do with it, you were picked for your talent, so what if Michio's hand took you there," "That's right," Tomo butted in, "it means we get more publicity, I'm all for it, knock em dead princess." I decided to just focus on my performance and not make a fool of myself, I went earlier than the other guests to practice with Hiroki, he was excited and made it easy for me, most of the songs were in English, some of Teru's Favorites.
"We're going to start with When Love Comes to Town by U2, Golden Years by David Bowie, Love is a Loosing Game by Amy Winehouse, and the last is a song by Boowy, Calling, and of course followed by Happy Birthday . It's not that hard but we since we were just told last night we will run through the songs a few times." I just nodded and did everything he said, he handed me the lyrics sheets, and I listened to a few songs except the Boowy song and the Winehouse song, there was little time so Hiroki suggested I listen to it while I changed, and I did, it was... something of a lament, a very hurt song. I realized then why this is one of the songs Teru liked, he was a deep person, and this song was sad. I put on my dress by a young designer the company seemed to like, it was white with black thick stripes running down it, the top was squared and flowed down, making a layer at the chest, stopping and the bottom layer was the rest of the dress with a small bow at the waist, combined with the lacey boots, it made a really good outfit for me. I met the rest of the band at the lobby while we waited for out ride, Seiko wore a dress that was sparkling in black and purple tartan with a big butterfly necklace and spikey boots. Tomo wore a very punk looking suit complete with chained around jacket and his hair beneath a fedora. Erin wore a suit similar to Tomo except his was yellow with a tartan finish and less chains more visual kei with the zippers and extra flaps on the jacket in the back, it reminded me of a jacket Shou once wore, but his was over the top this was reserved and classic.
Over the top was exactly what the party was, it was in a festive hall that the company owned they called it Chatue Soul, we rolled up and the valet let us out of the car as another drove it away, "I hope they have the nice champagne here," Seiko seemed stuck on the idea that drinking as much at these events was for the greater good, " and what greater good would that be?" Tomo joked at her. She smacked his hand and scoffed, "Obviously for the party to get started, woo!" Saga scooped Seiko up and carried her away before any of us even knew what was happening. they walked in together, the entrance was a check list so we waited while the line moved, "You nervous?" Shou asked me as we inched closer to the door. I grinned, "A little," he nodded and added, "I guess I would be too," I was a little taken, "Why would YOU be nervous?" He looked confused, and sincerely said, "Well, I've never been on display like you will be today, it's an honor and a huge break for you guys." I nodded, "that's true isn't it? I hadn't thought about that thoroughly. Everyone wne int ahead of us, it was crowded, full of people could already see it, the bouncer checked out names and let us in, i went in ahead of Shou, looking for Seiko, but she was already miles away by the bar apperantly. I loked around, executives, agents, photographers, reporters, models, actors, idols, and of course the musicians. I spotted Ayumi Tanaka, a very legendary artist, Yumiko Teru's wife, Namie, Michio's wife, even Sadie Kinne, and Michellein were there, I waved at them Michell remembers me it seems from Nana's party. I walked in then and I felt someone's arm pull mine to lock with theirs, it was Shou. It made em feel a little safer, and I walked in with him, I noticed then what he was wearing, a black and purple velvet suit with studs, and random stitches , extra back flaps like he likes, and his pants were leather with the same stud and stitch pattern, his shoes however made em laugh a little they were stylish duck shoes, I asked him what was up with his shoes, he face palmed and admitted he was dressed by someone, "Ahhh, well that explains why your fashion taste is questionable lately." We laughed, and he tapped my head a little, "You be quite now princess," We walked to where Seiko and Saga were, Tomo seemed to be chatting up some models with Erin, they seemed to not know which one to go for, single sexy men, if they weren't my friends I might have been there, but frankly, they resemble girls to me too much to think about that, kind of like Saga, Naoki never liked me so not much to say, Shou, I remember when I did feel something for him, but he never looked at me, it was hurtful, but, those things happen. I felt the gaze then of the name within our circle I did look as a man before, and he looked at me, he was looking at me right now, walking towards us, being dragged by his 'honey', Miss Nana. "Hey guys, you guys having fun?" Seiko raised her glass and nodded, "The party just begun" Tomo interjected joining us, a pretty blonde girl next to him was on her cell phone ignoring us but looking very pleased with herself. "We got here over an hour ago, I wanted to talk to someone from another company before the reporters got here, good thing too they came in just as we finished," her voice was sparkling, I was envious then, of everything she had. "Oh, well that's good them are you changing your contract soon?" She nodded, I turned and saw the man behind her, he was wearing a really nice outfit, no jacket, just a vest and a pinstripe shirt, his vestg was lacey, red, his belt was complimentary to it, his hair still long, and his eyes, I clenched at my heart and prepare to greet him, but just then Nana pulled him away, "There's Ayumi, gotta go, see you later guys!" He looked back at me though, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't . I mouthed his name, he mouthed what looked like 'I'm sorry, Charls." There was that pang again, that pain inside my heart I tried to shake it off, Shou went to get me a drink he was back, I smiled at him, but immediately he asked me, "What's wrong?" I shook my head, "I don't wanna think about it right now, let's just, let's just have fun," He put his arm around me and lead me to Michelin, I waved at the guys, how I missed them really. Anuk asked me where I got my dress from, I told him I had no idea, some designer, he corrected the name for me, and we laughed about how he thought it was odd as well. I spent the rest of the evening like that until Michio made his appearance and he dragged me and the rest of The NATION around with him presenting us to music executives and famous artist, among them was a young man who was very talented, His name was Masake, he stretched out his hand to greet me, a grin, he looked mischevious, and as he winked at me he introduced himself, "Hello beautiful, I'm Takamasa Watanabe, but you can call me Masake." I shook his hand, a little nervous, I had posters of this guy back in Los Angeles, I was really excited, I always wondered what he was like, and then it happened, he turned to Michio and said, "So this is the gaijin you brought from America?" his part around him laughed, Michio looked embarrassed, and said, "This is the TALENT, I brought from America, yes." Masake laughed, and nodded, "I'm joking , joking, but seriously, I can't wait to see you sing." He winked at Tomo he nodded towards him, did they know eachother? Michio took us away to meet other celebrities, but I couldn't shake that word he said, Gajin. It made me feel really low. I didn't like it. Over at the main table by the stage I spotted Teru talking with his wife and a friend of their called Toko. Michio waved to him and he was excited to see us, we sat down in the round table, and he asked us all various questions, but before that we all wished him happy birthday, he thanked us. "I can't wait for my present, you brought it right?" He smiled and looked at me, I looked a Michio who just laughed like everyone else. "Did you sell me to him or something?" I nudged Michio, who just laughed and explained, "He means your voice, princess, remember?" I did I hit my head like a dunce and nodded. "Yeah, I have to ask, why me? There is an industry full of people you can choose." He looked serious for a little while and then spoke, "Well, though there are better singers I could have requests, I was intrigued that you weren't Japanese, I wanted to see what you have to offer, it's also a great opportunity for your band, the more I can give back to Lover Soul fans the happier I am,and i did hear you were fans."Before I knew it the lights dimmed and it was time, "Oh God." my stomach turned into knots immediately, and Hiroki was leading me on stage, everyone flocked around the stage area, there was a piano, but Michio sat down and started the melody, I stood infront of the mic as I saw Hiroki follow with the rhythm, and then it came, my voice. I tried to keep my eyes closed, but eventually I had to face the audience, and I opened them slowly, I was shaking a little, "wooo, Chara." It was Seiko, I laughed as I sang, thank god this song was upbeat. The crowd was smiling looking at us, the song was finsihed, we moved into the next one, it was more upbeat, "Golden Years, Last night they loved you, Opening doors and pulling some strings, Angel," Teru was watching along with everyone else, talking with Michio about something, Michio nodded and smiled at me, I felt a feeling of relief coming over me, and I was able to sing properly, the song ended. The next song though, I felt someone looking at me, like a presence I never felt before, it was...thrilling. It was Masake, he was staring at me, as I sang, she didn't blink once, wide eyes, slightly opened mouth; he looked at me. I tried to ignore him as I sang out "Love is a fate resigned," I saw Haruka then, he was near Masake, he wasn't looking at me though, he was looking at Nana, I shook it off "Love is a loosing game," It was like a blaze, his gaze, I closed my eyes to avoid it, and the song finished, I heard applause, Michio played his solo to Teru, I searched the audience, but I didn't see Masake. Finally we sang happy birthday to Teru, and he blew out his candle, 43, that was a big number, I'm barely going to be 21, we all applauded and I returned to Shou's side, he was sitting down with Seiko and Erin, "And so the oracle of Delphi becomes the siren that entices sailors to their many deaths," Michio put his hand on my head my head with his bizarre words, "what do you mean by that? deaths?" Michio laughed they all did, I smiled and talked to Michio some more he said that he got lots of offers for us commercials and interviews and shows to go on already, he left to talk to the rest of the band about it, I was at the bar, drinking champagne, just one glass. The music had began and people were dancing, I watched and then I saw them.
It's been two months since that night. Its my turn now, curtain call, you see, that night even though it was a strange one in my life, was also a huge break for the Nation. Alot of excecutives and reporters got to hear me sing, after that they took notice of the Nation like Michio did, realized that Seiko and Tomo's music along with my voice was the difference and with Erin's trashing drums it collided into a beautiful crescendo of success. We were the warriors now of the era, and the microphone was my blade, a weapon, and surely I did know how to wield it now, after all, this is my territory, myt stage. the roars were sirens calling for me, I loved it, the cold venue and the lights above shining, a sea of faces, they blurred together, but to me, they were an embrace. Then, we rocked.
(human clad mosnter, despairs ray)
Seiko's guitar and Tomo ,erin playing rapidly.
"Orange waves inside my hea
like a star slinging thorugh
the sy turns aroundit says to me '"hey where have you been?
another week stukc inside thikning should I live my life today?
little by little, I become wha tis called a cat
neko meow they used to call me whenever i slither out
but being a snake seems more formal
poison and fangs, but a car would be the death of me
glass in glass in
i can't breath inside that glass, that glass
dearest, i die died waiting for your phone call
dearest, I die, i died waiting
dearest, love, my love i died die died die died died died die die die die die die died
little by little i became a cat
neko would not calm down as I tried to hold it
scratch heartache hiss his his scratch hiss his not my mine miss, you forgot this
glass in, glass in
poison in my lungs, tears filled,
glassed in, glass in
I can't breath under that glass."
the set was longer than usual, even though we were opening for another band it seemed mostly they all came to see us. This song was slower, I could tell they knew it from the way they bobed they heads, I was on the piano my faovrite place to be I must admit, these days, my voice gets so tired from other things, I've been careless, but here we go.
Seiko accompanies, in this mellow melody, Tomo joins, Erin waits for his cue, and then mine, to sing.
"It's there, sparkling, teasing as i sigh
the regrettable truth, "my dreams are lies"
inside of us we have a thermometer that lets us know when to shut down.
if i were a jerk, i wouldn't have picked up
but the things inside of me tell me "calm down, you need this, so listen up to him;
even if you break after."
you sound bad, almost an illusion, but you laughed, oh that's good
my heart churns, I make an excuse but you stop me dead. "How have you been" you said
I lied, "oh im quite alright, in fact im late for a date" you regrettably let em go, but as i click
i begin to cry
if this were a dream, I would call you back, tell you "oh my love when will you return to me?" you would say "right now if i have to, I would run across the universe"
There I would hold your hand, on Saturn we'd kiss, as if it were never a dream, I wouldn't need to know if it was real, in my universe of dreams.
a shooting star, wakes me up then, glaring sliver things
if I were a fool I'd overdose on your love, but its all gone
it became black, then grey, now it's scarring, and it's almost gone
for the things I've done and what i've become i guess it's okay
to say "I've given up"
but if it were a dream, I'd run after you in the underworld, I would trade my soul
to go and find you, even if I can't go back, and you can't return we would drown into the Styx
because you were and you are still, in there, the only Saturn in my dreams."
this last song had brought out the emotion in me, and the tears were slowly pouring out, I raised my eyes and focused on the brightest light, fighting teh glare my tears resided, sadly some of them fell down my face, emotionally, I played that card, I had no choice but to show the real me to my fans.
"It's not that hard really, kind of like a rehearsal but instead it's infront of an industry that will be looking at you like a piece of meat." the thought was a little scary, but Tomo and Seiko assured me I could do it. I still had my doubts though, "Did Michio have anything to do with that?" Emily shook her head but I didn't believe her, "I don't believe you," They all laughed and Emily put her hands up, "Well, the boss did mention your name to Teru, but he's the one that wants you there." I nodded, "Will I play the piano, or just sing to music?" She looked at her notebook. "You will be accompanied by Hiroki he will be on guitar." "Hiroki!? Wow, I'm more nervous now, ughh... I need a coke." We were in the apartment complex now, in the lounge, I walked up to get one, but one was shoved in my direction, that sparkling red can handed at me by someone who always bring sunshine into my life. "I got two just in case," Shou's smile was enveloping me, and for a little while I couldn't help but just stare at him as he asked Emily the point of our gathering and their responses, how I missed Shou all this time, he's been so busy though, it's good to see him. "So you've been picked to perform tonight?" I nodded and tabbed open my drink, I took a sip and spoke, "Michio had something to do with it I think," Shou laughed, "Oh don't think too highly of yourself," "I don't!" I knew he was joking but it sounded half true. "I just... I think they could have gone with someone better," there was a pause then Seiko spoke up, " You mean someone Asian?" Tomo chuckled so did Emily and Shou, but it was an insecurity for me, "Yes, someone Asian!" I sat back down and Shou Sat on the armchair's arm and put his hand on my head ruffling my hair, "Heey, don't take it that way, we all know what you mean though," Seiko agreed, "Just because some people are asian doesn't make them talented, it has nothing to do with it, you were picked for your talent, so what if Michio's hand took you there," "That's right," Tomo butted in, "it means we get more publicity, I'm all for it, knock em dead princess." I decided to just focus on my performance and not make a fool of myself, I went earlier than the other guests to practice with Hiroki, he was excited and made it easy for me, most of the songs were in English, some of Teru's Favorites.
"We're going to start with When Love Comes to Town by U2, Golden Years by David Bowie, Love is a Loosing Game by Amy Winehouse, and the last is a song by Boowy, Calling, and of course followed by Happy Birthday . It's not that hard but we since we were just told last night we will run through the songs a few times." I just nodded and did everything he said, he handed me the lyrics sheets, and I listened to a few songs except the Boowy song and the Winehouse song, there was little time so Hiroki suggested I listen to it while I changed, and I did, it was... something of a lament, a very hurt song. I realized then why this is one of the songs Teru liked, he was a deep person, and this song was sad. I put on my dress by a young designer the company seemed to like, it was white with black thick stripes running down it, the top was squared and flowed down, making a layer at the chest, stopping and the bottom layer was the rest of the dress with a small bow at the waist, combined with the lacey boots, it made a really good outfit for me. I met the rest of the band at the lobby while we waited for out ride, Seiko wore a dress that was sparkling in black and purple tartan with a big butterfly necklace and spikey boots. Tomo wore a very punk looking suit complete with chained around jacket and his hair beneath a fedora. Erin wore a suit similar to Tomo except his was yellow with a tartan finish and less chains more visual kei with the zippers and extra flaps on the jacket in the back, it reminded me of a jacket Shou once wore, but his was over the top this was reserved and classic.
Over the top was exactly what the party was, it was in a festive hall that the company owned they called it Chatue Soul, we rolled up and the valet let us out of the car as another drove it away, "I hope they have the nice champagne here," Seiko seemed stuck on the idea that drinking as much at these events was for the greater good, " and what greater good would that be?" Tomo joked at her. She smacked his hand and scoffed, "Obviously for the party to get started, woo!" Saga scooped Seiko up and carried her away before any of us even knew what was happening. they walked in together, the entrance was a check list so we waited while the line moved, "You nervous?" Shou asked me as we inched closer to the door. I grinned, "A little," he nodded and added, "I guess I would be too," I was a little taken, "Why would YOU be nervous?" He looked confused, and sincerely said, "Well, I've never been on display like you will be today, it's an honor and a huge break for you guys." I nodded, "that's true isn't it? I hadn't thought about that thoroughly. Everyone wne int ahead of us, it was crowded, full of people could already see it, the bouncer checked out names and let us in, i went in ahead of Shou, looking for Seiko, but she was already miles away by the bar apperantly. I loked around, executives, agents, photographers, reporters, models, actors, idols, and of course the musicians. I spotted Ayumi Tanaka, a very legendary artist, Yumiko Teru's wife, Namie, Michio's wife, even Sadie Kinne, and Michellein were there, I waved at them Michell remembers me it seems from Nana's party. I walked in then and I felt someone's arm pull mine to lock with theirs, it was Shou. It made em feel a little safer, and I walked in with him, I noticed then what he was wearing, a black and purple velvet suit with studs, and random stitches , extra back flaps like he likes, and his pants were leather with the same stud and stitch pattern, his shoes however made em laugh a little they were stylish duck shoes, I asked him what was up with his shoes, he face palmed and admitted he was dressed by someone, "Ahhh, well that explains why your fashion taste is questionable lately." We laughed, and he tapped my head a little, "You be quite now princess," We walked to where Seiko and Saga were, Tomo seemed to be chatting up some models with Erin, they seemed to not know which one to go for, single sexy men, if they weren't my friends I might have been there, but frankly, they resemble girls to me too much to think about that, kind of like Saga, Naoki never liked me so not much to say, Shou, I remember when I did feel something for him, but he never looked at me, it was hurtful, but, those things happen. I felt the gaze then of the name within our circle I did look as a man before, and he looked at me, he was looking at me right now, walking towards us, being dragged by his 'honey', Miss Nana. "Hey guys, you guys having fun?" Seiko raised her glass and nodded, "The party just begun" Tomo interjected joining us, a pretty blonde girl next to him was on her cell phone ignoring us but looking very pleased with herself. "We got here over an hour ago, I wanted to talk to someone from another company before the reporters got here, good thing too they came in just as we finished," her voice was sparkling, I was envious then, of everything she had. "Oh, well that's good them are you changing your contract soon?" She nodded, I turned and saw the man behind her, he was wearing a really nice outfit, no jacket, just a vest and a pinstripe shirt, his vestg was lacey, red, his belt was complimentary to it, his hair still long, and his eyes, I clenched at my heart and prepare to greet him, but just then Nana pulled him away, "There's Ayumi, gotta go, see you later guys!" He looked back at me though, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't . I mouthed his name, he mouthed what looked like 'I'm sorry, Charls." There was that pang again, that pain inside my heart I tried to shake it off, Shou went to get me a drink he was back, I smiled at him, but immediately he asked me, "What's wrong?" I shook my head, "I don't wanna think about it right now, let's just, let's just have fun," He put his arm around me and lead me to Michelin, I waved at the guys, how I missed them really. Anuk asked me where I got my dress from, I told him I had no idea, some designer, he corrected the name for me, and we laughed about how he thought it was odd as well. I spent the rest of the evening like that until Michio made his appearance and he dragged me and the rest of The NATION around with him presenting us to music executives and famous artist, among them was a young man who was very talented, His name was Masake, he stretched out his hand to greet me, a grin, he looked mischevious, and as he winked at me he introduced himself, "Hello beautiful, I'm Takamasa Watanabe, but you can call me Masake." I shook his hand, a little nervous, I had posters of this guy back in Los Angeles, I was really excited, I always wondered what he was like, and then it happened, he turned to Michio and said, "So this is the gaijin you brought from America?" his part around him laughed, Michio looked embarrassed, and said, "This is the TALENT, I brought from America, yes." Masake laughed, and nodded, "I'm joking , joking, but seriously, I can't wait to see you sing." He winked at Tomo he nodded towards him, did they know eachother? Michio took us away to meet other celebrities, but I couldn't shake that word he said, Gajin. It made me feel really low. I didn't like it. Over at the main table by the stage I spotted Teru talking with his wife and a friend of their called Toko. Michio waved to him and he was excited to see us, we sat down in the round table, and he asked us all various questions, but before that we all wished him happy birthday, he thanked us. "I can't wait for my present, you brought it right?" He smiled and looked at me, I looked a Michio who just laughed like everyone else. "Did you sell me to him or something?" I nudged Michio, who just laughed and explained, "He means your voice, princess, remember?" I did I hit my head like a dunce and nodded. "Yeah, I have to ask, why me? There is an industry full of people you can choose." He looked serious for a little while and then spoke, "Well, though there are better singers I could have requests, I was intrigued that you weren't Japanese, I wanted to see what you have to offer, it's also a great opportunity for your band, the more I can give back to Lover Soul fans the happier I am,and i did hear you were fans."Before I knew it the lights dimmed and it was time, "Oh God." my stomach turned into knots immediately, and Hiroki was leading me on stage, everyone flocked around the stage area, there was a piano, but Michio sat down and started the melody, I stood infront of the mic as I saw Hiroki follow with the rhythm, and then it came, my voice. I tried to keep my eyes closed, but eventually I had to face the audience, and I opened them slowly, I was shaking a little, "wooo, Chara." It was Seiko, I laughed as I sang, thank god this song was upbeat. The crowd was smiling looking at us, the song was finsihed, we moved into the next one, it was more upbeat, "Golden Years, Last night they loved you, Opening doors and pulling some strings, Angel," Teru was watching along with everyone else, talking with Michio about something, Michio nodded and smiled at me, I felt a feeling of relief coming over me, and I was able to sing properly, the song ended. The next song though, I felt someone looking at me, like a presence I never felt before, it was...thrilling. It was Masake, he was staring at me, as I sang, she didn't blink once, wide eyes, slightly opened mouth; he looked at me. I tried to ignore him as I sang out "Love is a fate resigned," I saw Haruka then, he was near Masake, he wasn't looking at me though, he was looking at Nana, I shook it off "Love is a loosing game," It was like a blaze, his gaze, I closed my eyes to avoid it, and the song finished, I heard applause, Michio played his solo to Teru, I searched the audience, but I didn't see Masake. Finally we sang happy birthday to Teru, and he blew out his candle, 43, that was a big number, I'm barely going to be 21, we all applauded and I returned to Shou's side, he was sitting down with Seiko and Erin, "And so the oracle of Delphi becomes the siren that entices sailors to their many deaths," Michio put his hand on my head my head with his bizarre words, "what do you mean by that? deaths?" Michio laughed they all did, I smiled and talked to Michio some more he said that he got lots of offers for us commercials and interviews and shows to go on already, he left to talk to the rest of the band about it, I was at the bar, drinking champagne, just one glass. The music had began and people were dancing, I watched and then I saw them.
I wanted to leave then, I felt something sick in my stomach, I couldn’t stand seeing them together, even though it’s been so long, I can’t shake that feeling. Nana was kissing his neck, he was smiling, putting his arm around her as they danced, I looked away, I had to. “I’m gonna head on home first, I’ll see you guys later.” Tomo and Erin nodded “Night!”, Seiko was gone already, probably somewhere making out with Saga. I took my coat and headed out the door to call for the driver, when I turned the corner to leave the hall, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Excuse me, Miss Charlotte?” I looked up dark chocolate eyes looked back at me, no glasses, staring into me, he was tall, and white faced, his piercings suited him, and his hair was like a modern mullet, very rock n roll, it was long and his hair thinly hanged past his neck, around his neck a silver medallion of a dagger. He…he smelled expensive and dark, I was a little intimidated by him, this legend. “Yes?” I finally spoke. He took his hand off of me embarrassed for some reason this felt a little like déjà vu, but it wasn’t exactly like this, it scared me, his eyes on me and said “You amaze me, I must have you.” I chuckled, “What?” his words were direct, and I knew what he meant, I took a step back, “I’m leaving, good bye.” I tried to walk faster but I felt a tug on my hand, “Wait.” It was him, still there, he put himself infront of me “Where are you going? I’ll take you there.” He looked so serious at me, sure of somrthing, of what? “What is it exactly that you want from me?” He smiled, searching my face, “I think you know that,” I could imagine, “I’m not that kind of person,” I shook his hand off a little offended, and tried to walk past him, but he grabbed me again, “Hold on, you got me all wrong,” I shook myh head, “I need to get out of here, and you’re really becoming a nuisance.” He smiled again, “ Then let me drive you,” I’m not sure why, but something in his face told me I could trust him, he was so…bare. “Alright,”
He didn’t take me to the apartments; he took me nowhere we spent a while on the road, until he said. “You never told me where we’re going.” I didn’t want to go home either, “I don’t know where we’re going.” I admitted. There was a pause, then he pulled the car over “Hmmm…I’ll take you some place then, don’t worry, I won’t harm you.” I looked over at him, he looked at me, “I know that.” He smiled at me, “Well then, let me make you smile.” His words were soft, charming. I thought he would take me to a café or maybe a club, but we kept on driving in his red mustang, nearing the harbor. “Why were you nervous? When you were singing earlier,” “I have very little confidence around big heads.” He agreed, “I guess that can be tough for a newbie,” I sighed, “It can.” We rolled into a parking lot, “Where are we exactly?” I interjected as he found a space. “My home,” “’Home?” I looked around, there were at least 7 more cars here, “But, isn’t this an apartment complex?” He shook his head, “Then… these cars,” “Are all mine” he said with a smile, “Oh,” Nice cars, really expensive looking cars, He got out and came around to open my doors as I came to a realization, I’m in his house with his many many cars, oh god, I’ve become a bimbo. He opened my door, and offered his hand to me, I looked a little angry, “Did you bring me here to sleep with you?” He scoffed and smiled, “Well, that is an option, but I don’t know you that well yet do I? You can sleep in my room if you’re tired but I won’t touch you.” So now I’m repulsive, I was so self-conscious, why was I like this, “No, I didn’t mean like that, just… just come on.” He pulled me out of the car and lead me to his entrance, his house was big, modern, there was a gate and some stairs, he punched in a cod and the gate slid open he punched in another cod and it closed, I followed him up the stairs, the house was lit, dimly, and glass, his furniture was modern, he put his jacket over a white loveseat and turned the corner, I followed him it was the kitchen, “sit, please.” There was an island and modern 70s looking chairs, lights above like constellations, his house was a deep shade of blue, it looked pretty. There was another screen, he pressed something on it and music came on, “This song,” he smiled, he sat down infront of me , “This is the song I sang tonight,” He nodded, “Amy Winehouse,” He went to the fridge and got me a bottle of v8. “What the hell is this?” He laughed, “It’s all I have right now, drink it, it’s good.” I tried but it just wasn’t appetizing. “I have other stuff, but it’s mostly alchoholic though, I don’t think that is a smart choice right now,” I nodded, “This will do then,” We drank this strange drink and talked about various things, “Where were you born?” I hesitated, “Near L.A., you?” “I was born somewhere near Kyoto.” “What’s your favorite thing to do?” “Sing, easy, you?” “Play the guitar, and stare at you.” I laughed, ‘Seriously.” “I am,” “What’s your favorite constellation?” “Hmm…I’m not sure, maybe Sagittarius, how yours?” I took a sip from my nasty drink, “Pleiades maybe,” I checked my watch, “It’s 12 am,” He nodded, “You need to get back?” I looked at him, he looked sad, I shook my head, “not really, unless you want me to go,” he smiled and shook his head, “I’m quite alright with you where you are now,” I smiled, “You’re so smooth aren’t you?” “The best,” His eyes were on mine, my heart was beating strangely, I looked away, that’s when it happened, I turned back to see him but he leaned in to me, a kiss. It felt tender, and sweet, my head was spinning, I was weak, and that’s when I remembered who he was and what the hell was I doing here, I pulled away, but he grabbed my arm, “Why?” His eyes sincere, sad, I looked to the floor, “I don’t know.” He stood up, “ Well, you don’t have a boyfriend, so what’s the reason?” “How do you know I don’t have a boyfriend?” He smiled mischievously, “A girl that is spoken for would not have gotten in my car let alone come to my house,” He had a point, I looked back at him, “it’s kind of soon isn’t it? I barely know you.” He nodded, “How about this then, “ he pulled me in to him to my surprise I let him, it felt right, but no, I don’t want to admit to that. “I’m going to be honest with you, Charlotte from somewhere near L.A.” He brushed my bangs over my ear, “When I saw you, I knew I had to have you, what I said in the lobby as you were leaving, I meant it.” Takamasa Watanabe. No, I didn’t want to believe him. “We just met, how can you possibly know I’m what you want, or let alone that I would allow that?” He smiled, “Because we’ve met before, you just didn’t know it was me, Chara, just like I didn’t know it was you either,” Met before? “When, Where?” I tried to think about it,… I couldn’t recall, “Oh,” I remembered now, that night that Haruka left, in los angeles, I was singing in the airport, a man stared at me, I ran away. He tried to stop me, but I ran, He called out to me, but I got on the road bus and left thinking it was some weirdo. “It couldn’t be,” he nodded, it is, you were so young then, but I’ve never forgotten your voice. I’ve always held out hope that I’d find you again, you were singing in Japanese, it was a possibility, I’m only jealous that Michio was the one that found you, I even insulted you, my siren, what would you have me do to repay this offense?” I couldn’t believe it, “It was you,” He held me closer now, “My voice, you heard it then?” He nodded, “I only looked back when I was on the bus, I, I never knew.” He breathed in my scent deeply, “Why were you crying that day, why were you crying today?” He knew? I shook my head, but the memory came back to me, “I wasn’t crying,” something inside of me hurt though, Haruka, my heart it was my heart that hurt. “You’re crying right now,” He kissed me then, my face in his hands, he kissed me over and over again, my heart was racing, forgetting Haruka, so smoothly, his heat was warming my heart, his skin on mine, I let him, I wanted the pain to go away. This chance, this strange encounter with him, it became one of my favorite nights. It was the first time something like this happened, and maybe I matured a little, but I spent the night there, he made me forget about the pain, he whispered beautiful things into my ears, and for the first time in a long time, I felt my heart being filled with warmth.
I woke up that morning next to him, remembering everything, the room was dark blue again, painted, no pictures, just a huge window with curtains, sheer, and a mirror. He was sleeping still, I felt strange, all the memories coming back to me, about him and I. What was I now? Did he use me, or did he truly mean what he said last night? I got out of bed, and began to dress myself, my clothing was all over the floor like in some kinky video, it felt strange, I was scared. What if when he wakes up and finds me here he’ll ask why am I still here, or some line like that. I looked in the mirror to fix my eyes and my hair, and there he was behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his head on my shoulder, still half asleep. “Where are you going?” I froze, there was no hostility in his words, I saw him in the mirror, but I turned to look at him, I admitted “I got scared.” He grinned, “I thought you might be, come on, you need to shower before we go out, Penny Dove.” He wasn’t wearing anything, I was in the shower with him, he enveloped me again in this strange passion, I felt all of him inside of me, my heart beat, this feeling, it made me happy. It made me happy because I could see it in his eyes, a look I’ve known before, in my heart though it was sudden, I was there. He took me out that day, it was a free day for me, I called Emily to let her know where I was, Taka took me to buy clothes, I was still in my dress from last night he bought himself a new outfit as well, he took my hand, by the end of the day our picture was all over the internet. It spread like wild fire, like a flame, then it reminded me of that song I sang last night, that song he put on when we got to his house, “For you I was a flame, love is a losing game,” i was in his arms again, we talked all night since we came to his house, he told me about his childhood, his life, how he was discriminated against for being half Korean, how he broke his leg and his dreams of being a professional soccer player diminished, how fan service scared him a little, about his past relationships. He once fell in love with his friend, but she fell for someone in the yakuza, thugs. Her husband beat her, cheated on her, but she couldn't leave him, he couldn't save her because he had taken her out of the country, he spent many years searching for her but gave up. I told him about growing up with my skin colour, about American customs, about my father, about Los Angeles, and about Haruka. "That's the burden you carry isn't it, that heart ache?" I nodded, "I can still feel it now, like a sting," He kissed my head, "I'll make it go away, just give me time," I smiled again, it's so easy to when I'm with him. "I need to go home today, tomorrow I have a full schedule tomorrow" He nodded," I do too, e-mail me all day, I know I'll be messaging you." I kissed him, and nodded. He drove me home with all my new things, it felt like a dream, and then reality struck as I entered the complex. Tomo was in the lobby with a girl, he left her and came up to me, "Hey, hey is it true that you were with Masake all last night and al day today?" I waved to him kind of flabberghast. "Ummm... hello, and... yeah that's all true." He scoffed and grinned, "Well, he's a pretty good guy, just... give Taka a chance," I nodded, then it hit me. "How do you know eachother?" He admitted, "I've known him for a while, he used to come to our studio in Los Angeles alot I met him there in my last band, known him since. That made sense then Tomo went somewhere else after, so he knew him. It made sense for him to be at the airport that day. "I'm gonna go to sleep now, we'll talk more tomorrow Tomo, night." He nodded, "Night princess."
It's been two months since that night. Its my turn now, curtain call, you see, that night even though it was a strange one in my life, was also a huge break for the Nation. Alot of excecutives and reporters got to hear me sing, after that they took notice of the Nation like Michio did, realized that Seiko and Tomo's music along with my voice was the difference and with Erin's trashing drums it collided into a beautiful crescendo of success. We were the warriors now of the era, and the microphone was my blade, a weapon, and surely I did know how to wield it now, after all, this is my territory, myt stage. the roars were sirens calling for me, I loved it, the cold venue and the lights above shining, a sea of faces, they blurred together, but to me, they were an embrace. Then, we rocked.
(human clad mosnter, despairs ray)
Seiko's guitar and Tomo ,erin playing rapidly.
" not another one, I fall again, and then you scream
well why I didn't know i couldn't be alive
soon it will end, don't worry honey babe
soon it will mend, that wound inside your head
I did another one again, oh no you're bleeding more deeply
I want it I want more, of that red warm joy'
The world screams just like you, but I can't take it back
no, I cannot change what I am anymore.
rock my head, hate my mind, no I cannot think that way
because you were my heart, because you were my thoughts
the light affects the way I see you
you were perfect, but closely you're rotten
I did it again, I fell for the trap
well what can I do? I'll take my revenge on them
if it's a mistake then let me burn ,but I knew it then
I can never change.
in this place we have choices to make
things to learn and people to destroy
if we were meant to be hurt and in pain then no one would have instinct to kill
for your innocence, what innocence? stop taking like that
I'll rip it out
ill beat it out
ill scream it out
bleed for me
you make me, so insanely happy
when i see it, coming out of your mouth
I want more of it, I want to drown inside of it
give it to me like you know I want
cover me in that warm scarlet
I did another one again, oh no you're bleeding more deeply
I want it I want more, of that red warm joy'
The world screams just like you, but I can't take it back
no, I cannot change what I am anymore.
deeply, I feel sorry though
no, I cannot change what you are anymore."
This was n indies, the crowd cheered, i loved it, Tomo began then his run and solo rummaching through his chords, then finding a wave and Seiko interluded, with Erin making it sounds like a tribal beat, my turn now, shivers and skipping my voice I made it pretty.well why I didn't know i couldn't be alive
soon it will end, don't worry honey babe
soon it will mend, that wound inside your head
I did another one again, oh no you're bleeding more deeply
I want it I want more, of that red warm joy'
The world screams just like you, but I can't take it back
no, I cannot change what I am anymore.
rock my head, hate my mind, no I cannot think that way
because you were my heart, because you were my thoughts
the light affects the way I see you
you were perfect, but closely you're rotten
I did it again, I fell for the trap
well what can I do? I'll take my revenge on them
if it's a mistake then let me burn ,but I knew it then
I can never change.
in this place we have choices to make
things to learn and people to destroy
if we were meant to be hurt and in pain then no one would have instinct to kill
for your innocence, what innocence? stop taking like that
I'll rip it out
ill beat it out
ill scream it out
bleed for me
you make me, so insanely happy
when i see it, coming out of your mouth
I want more of it, I want to drown inside of it
give it to me like you know I want
cover me in that warm scarlet
I did another one again, oh no you're bleeding more deeply
I want it I want more, of that red warm joy'
The world screams just like you, but I can't take it back
no, I cannot change what I am anymore.
deeply, I feel sorry though
no, I cannot change what you are anymore."
"Orange waves inside my hea
like a star slinging thorugh
the sy turns aroundit says to me '"hey where have you been?
another week stukc inside thikning should I live my life today?
little by little, I become wha tis called a cat
neko meow they used to call me whenever i slither out
but being a snake seems more formal
poison and fangs, but a car would be the death of me
glass in glass in
i can't breath inside that glass, that glass
dearest, i die died waiting for your phone call
dearest, I die, i died waiting
dearest, love, my love i died die died die died died died die die die die die die died
little by little i became a cat
neko would not calm down as I tried to hold it
scratch heartache hiss his his scratch hiss his not my mine miss, you forgot this
glass in, glass in
poison in my lungs, tears filled,
glassed in, glass in
I can't breath under that glass."
the set was longer than usual, even though we were opening for another band it seemed mostly they all came to see us. This song was slower, I could tell they knew it from the way they bobed they heads, I was on the piano my faovrite place to be I must admit, these days, my voice gets so tired from other things, I've been careless, but here we go.
Seiko accompanies, in this mellow melody, Tomo joins, Erin waits for his cue, and then mine, to sing.
"It's there, sparkling, teasing as i sigh
the regrettable truth, "my dreams are lies"
inside of us we have a thermometer that lets us know when to shut down.
if i were a jerk, i wouldn't have picked up
but the things inside of me tell me "calm down, you need this, so listen up to him;
even if you break after."
you sound bad, almost an illusion, but you laughed, oh that's good
my heart churns, I make an excuse but you stop me dead. "How have you been" you said
I lied, "oh im quite alright, in fact im late for a date" you regrettably let em go, but as i click
i begin to cry
if this were a dream, I would call you back, tell you "oh my love when will you return to me?" you would say "right now if i have to, I would run across the universe"
There I would hold your hand, on Saturn we'd kiss, as if it were never a dream, I wouldn't need to know if it was real, in my universe of dreams.
a shooting star, wakes me up then, glaring sliver things
if I were a fool I'd overdose on your love, but its all gone
it became black, then grey, now it's scarring, and it's almost gone
for the things I've done and what i've become i guess it's okay
to say "I've given up"
but if it were a dream, I'd run after you in the underworld, I would trade my soul
to go and find you, even if I can't go back, and you can't return we would drown into the Styx
because you were and you are still, in there, the only Saturn in my dreams."
this last song had brought out the emotion in me, and the tears were slowly pouring out, I raised my eyes and focused on the brightest light, fighting teh glare my tears resided, sadly some of them fell down my face, emotionally, I played that card, I had no choice but to show the real me to my fans.
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