Skip to main content

The Other type of Friendship

love. a hysterically ridiculous excuse to make one person special , and to have a warmer feeling in the contemporarily mundane everyday of our lives. I wanted to never know such joys, with my track record, and the oh so very charming displays of a so called love I grew to know, I knew I wanted no part of it. Slowy, however, I find it very hard to accept the things that human beings call feeings whenever he pays attention to me, when he’s near me, or the way my heart beats as if it’s a race car on days when I know I am going to meet him. this illusion of wanting something close to my heart, to suspend the pain of everyday a little less, to ease a meaning into waking up, it is an attractive idea, and at the same time I’m finding it very hard to hesitate.

Haruka showed up early to rehearsal, and so me tomo and he were the only ones there, I was in the middle of tuning Seiko’s red guitar, when he offered to do it for me, I grined and let him tune it. Tomo had gone out to smoke as his jacket was also missing and at 6:17pm Haruka leaned in to me and spoke. “

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

// I wish time would stand still, me like this, you like that."

I remembered not so long ago, I read a comment a friend made of me and of Haruka, she called him my Terry. I didn't understand it, until I asked Seiko, Seiko threw her entire collection of Candy Candy on my lap and I read them gradually as we toured in Hokkaido. I understood it then, that he was Terry, because he was just like him, his role in my life, but... did that make me Candy? Or Susannah? Because he stayed with Susannah? The reason I'm with Haruka now has nothing to do with him being guilty of me, what of? But, If I'm Candy, does that mean...that I'll lose him some day? Why didn't she run to Terry when she saw him on that stage? Why did it matter tht he had to stay with the girl who black mailed him into marrying her? Why? I do not understand it, if she really loved him she would have let him go, but i guess that's what Candy did, she let him go, because she loved him, because she felt guilty, because she felt her love reflected in another. the...
Post a Comment
Read more

I met you that day, I lost my mind, I found my heart, and I could breathe again, calmly.

 I was never a fan of what people call ' soul mates .' In fact, I never believed the concept had any standing in the real world. It's a fantasy that people tell each other, like there really is one person curated for our every wish and want and need. I think we have a say in this world, not a soul mate, but a person, tangible and grounded, and on that ground we find that ours is even, not a mound or a hole around us, and we can walk together on that path. The souls we seek are like this, on the same path, and they are our chosen family. I think that's a stronger bond, family, I haven't had the best relationships with my own kin, but my friends and him ...I think I chose them as my family. I wasn't used to the type of attention Masake bestowed upon me, I wondered if it was my voice, people seemed to be captivated by it, I'm grateful for that, but is that what he was after? Perhaps it was my body that attracted him to me, I am on the heavier side of a medium ...
Post a Comment
Read more

//he became the sun.

There were things about Los Angeles that I loved, living with crazy seiko who loved to paint on the brick wall and make instant foods was fun for me, Tomos constant sleeping waiting for his shift at the Hollywood cemetery was comforting I studied at work when t wasn't busy but I wasn't hitting my assignments and my sister was worried. The thing I didn't like about Los Angeles though was that Harris didnt live here he was still living in long beach because his college was full on dorms, so he took the metro here every day sometimes his car he had a very nice Volvo, I wonder if he has money not because I want it, but because I feel embarrassed and somehow below people with money but unlike those girls that made me feel awful about myself and my household income Haruka has never given me that vibe, I wonder what it is and does it have to do with the tightening on my chest when I think about him, I feel as I'm passing a big piece of bread that is stuck inside my throat and...
Post a Comment
Read more