//They called us "sin"

"We don't want the press around my house, is there anything you can do?"
Haruka was livid, I've only seen this this angry a few times, most of those times when it came to me.
I should have been more careful." I said embracing him from behind, I knew this would calm him, I wrapped my arms around him and he squeezed one of them with his free had, the other still on the phone, Saito-San was trying to calm him down too, "Chara, it wasn't you, they shouldn't have known I lived here...wait, Saito I'll call you back, ...yes I know I'm still doing the show tomorrow,...yes, I'll drive, dont send the car. Alright, thanks" He hung up and threw the phone the table, it slid a few inches and he turned around to me and lifted me up as he usually does when he wants to get lost. "What?" I chuckle. He takes me to the bedroom and grins, "I have to talk to you now Miss I don't want to live together,  we should just live together," he kisses me and searches my face for all the places he likes when I'm left in thought over his canter. "I've told you, I want to but, it's too soon isnt it?" "He shakes his head and rubs his nose on mine, "it's been two months, I don't want to keep waiting, i want to come home and see you burn dinner and then take you out to have sushi you'll hate and bring you back to my bed where I can.." he leans forward causing me to fall back on the bed and he comes over me, "have the whole universe to myself as I hold you in my arms, I want to share myself with you, like I used to in L.A. , but you know, slightly more comfortable." this makes me laugh and he chuckles, "I love you, and like you I dont want to wait either, but.." "no, dont make excuses, Chara, You've already said you'd marry me, now you gotta live with me, its part of the deal, I don't care about what anyone says, they aren’t what’s important to me, do you feel the same way or not?” His eyes turned sad, I felt the doubt creeping in and I put my hand on his cheek and pulled him to me, his warmth was a comfort to me, "Don't go there, don't doubt me, it hurts you and it hurts me most," He sighs, "I'm sorry, I…just wanna be happy, I just want you to hold me, why is it so hard for you, screw what they think, they will love you anyways, you're amazing, and you're mine, so what are we waiting for, they'll talk anyways." He was making that face he made the day I forgot our anniversary. "You got me," I kissed him "ok, let's do it." He smiled and then  chuckled, "have sex or move in, I'm confused" this made me laugh, but my heart was t rest because when Haruka make s these little jokes, I know he's embarrassed, so I take that challenge, "Both" I start to kiss his neck, which I know he loves and it's the signal for him to have his way with me. He's gentle like always, but towards the middle he likes to have me on top, for his own reasons. He likes to be wanted, and I do, and it makes him so happy. We're not being careful anymore, because I know what he wants, and if my body doesn't reject it, we might get lucky.
I woke up and felt Haruka's hair on my breasts, the feeling tickled me and I ran my fingers through his dyed hair, the roots showing that pretty dark color he had when we first met.  There are moment like these when I'm glad I didn't die, that I believe that things will be beautiful and that I'm blessed. The stage is not enough for me, the stage was my ticket out of all that suffering, out of the gutters of Los Angeles, out  from the bloody floor. Haruka, he's my life.
I sing, I sing about all of it here, my voice echoing off the walls, as Seikos guitar cresendos into a beautiful melody, the Nation is on it tonight and Erin's drums take me home. "I'm breathing it all over, I'm waking from a new place, I'm ready to live... I'm ready to live for it, I'm ready to fall, I'm ready to rasie...I'm going to fly." The song  was one I wrote with shou during our time in l.a. it was a play on our names  everyinew, his mkne, haruka, seikos, saga, everyones. The song made me feel like Chara, singer of zetsubou nation ,fearless songstress unapologetic and savage. My voice reaching levels I hadn't before, always pushing the notes farther, Tomo keeps the beat steady but seikos guitar follows how crazy I get and he has  no choice but to comply.  The show ends after an encore of three songs we play the favorites I wear the tour tees, and after the meet and greet I fell into haruka's arms waiting for me backstage, his variety show appearance ended hours ago, but he was unable to come incognito until now.
He kisses me in front of all the crew members and my band, infront of emily who makes no attempt to shove us in a  room and deny it was him on me. I told my friend , my band that I was going  to marry haruka the day he proposed, but we're not waiting anymore like I had wanted. I can see  a few cameras on us from some crew members emily pursues them, we let her. Though it doesn't matter, haruka and I are on our way to the airport that very night , seikos and saga agreed to be our witnesses and Tomo and Erin invited themselves. We Mae no secrets about it, by the time we reached Los Angeles  it was on every gossip column and the new social media websites. My official page has not commented on all the sayings. Haruka was right, last week they were divulging my abortion that never happened this week they are discussing my secret love affair with haruka that ended my relationship  with a
Masake. But haruka is smart. He arranged to have everything in his house packed up. All being sent to a hotel while we shop for a house when we come back. Los Angeles is cold, and thickened air of pollution from the failed green gas iniciatives , the streets reek of human waste and expensive liqour, it's like this, the city of the dammed. But it's a place where I found liberation and love and family. We arrive in the morning and we take a quick run to a hotel, emily arranged everything and so did Saito San whom  was left back in Tokyo scrambling deflecting angry phone calls from the record label. They’re calling us rebels,but our friends know our story. We arrange our first stop, the courthouse on Alameda, in my white skirt and jacket, Haruka in a black pinstriped jacket and leather pants, he wore a rose in his lapel as we said I do. The tears in seikos eyes made me cry after I kissed Haru I found something inside me. Had mended. I had a family that I chose , my Saturn.