When it came to Masake, it was like a lightning bolt, the attraction I felt towards him was instant, and not just because I'd seen him in billboards and listened to his music many times before. It was because when I saw that he wanted me, I knew I wanted him too.
I want to forget every little detail about him.
But it's hard to do something your instincts tell you don't make any sense, until you recall him, and...her. The staircase always brings trouble, I want to avoid them at all costs, I don't care if I get a million flashes to my face and bump into people and things. I don't want to live shady, not like that.
I came back to the hotel today, I bought some clothes and groceries, a million flashes in my face since I took the subway today, by midday everyone knew where I was. I was meeting the band for kareoke today, and also Haruka.
He divroced Nana a week ago, but he's been in Hawaii getting the paperwork worked over. It would have been simpler if they married in Japan, but Nana is born in the US, he is born in Japan, they married to please her father, her major investor as his company runs the major artists. Nana...I miss her, there really is few people i can call friends, and she was, was, one of those people. I sigh as the access key from my hand slides on the panel by the elevator, I sigh again as the gravity of the day hit me, I begin to think how far I've come to get to this very point. "You really can't ever feel my presence can't you?" Haruka's voice sent a jolt through my spine and made me drop my groceries, however he's a black belt and managed to catch them, however Ii was more focused on his disguise. The glasses and hot pink wig, he looked like a hide cosplayer, even that jacket. "Oh is today...may 4rth?" he nodded and kissed me, luckily the elevator was empty and I lived on the 13rth floor. I felt my heart racing, so was his, he was so close I could notice that detail. "Haruka!" I breathe but he's been in Hawaii and hasn't touched me in a long time. I remember this side of him and I want to give it into but "Can't wait" he breathed, this made me laugh. "let's get into the room at least?" as if on cue the elevator doors opened on 13rh, room #109, slide the card again, open, close, shoes, groceries, bags, and Haruka takes me to the room. But as he is over me he just looks at me. "What is it?" I finally ask , he seems in wonder, but...something else. "Do you want me?" he finally says.
embarrassed I look away, "I don't know what you mean" Trying to avoid the question, I don't like to talk like this...ever. "Don't play unknowable, I know you know you what I am feeling, and I want to know...if you feel it as well." as he said this he gets closer his mouth on my ear, his head pressing lightly against mine, and there is a heat that follows it. "Do I have to be so poignant?" He chuckles. "I have just been thinking, I always initiate it, because I want you, because I love you, because you are my shinning light, my star, my mars, if I could describe everything you are to me, I'm sure you'd let me, that is why I want you, I just want to know...if it's gonna be L.A."
I think about now...like L.A. sleeping together....rarely kissing, not sleeping together, lie at his apartment after Paris, I had gotten used to having sex with someone that you love. I wasn't familiar with that concept until Masake, Haruka...."What do you want from me?" I asked then, my voice breaking, It tore at me, this inquisition, and he saw it, tried to retort. "I want the whole package, the singer, the poet, the girl with the stars in her eyes, the planet that can cause my gravitation to succumb, but I want to know...if you want this from me as well." I didn't know how to say it, but... maybe I could. I had to move quickly, because he's bigger than me, I slipped out of his grip and embraced him. " saying things inside of my heart, in real life..its different from a song." I got emotional , but he kissed my forehead and proceeded" Is it easier to sing it, then? by all means."
and that put me at ease, and I did. I slipped off that bright pink wig and tossed his dark brown hair twirling the bit of bleached platinum strands that got caught in my grasp. "You are the most unbelievable inventory of memories that in the life I've ever had, you have the most saddest and prettiest story that in my life I've ever seen, I want to walk through the star filled skies, in which you first confessed to me, I want to wear that ring you gave me the moment you realized that you wanted to start a life alongside me, it really hurt me when you left me, and then I hurt you when we met again, but now I know that I cannot breathe, without your eyes, without your soul, without your tender heart, I've dreamed you all these nights, I try to hold on but I'm scared...."
"I wont disappear," I kiss him then, and he never let me go.
That night it was something like a beginning. Hajimete, we started something,and when I woke up that ring was on my finger, the same one and I wondered just how he got it, I never noticed it but in the morning light, I can see it, the chain around his neck, the rings, they looked familiar, one I noticed instantly, it was the matching set to the one on my ring finger the others, I couldn't place. it was hot, and hotter beneath the sheets, this must have stirred him because he arose and reached for me, but when he couldn't feel me he jumped up, and searched but my eyes locked on his startled ones, I stretched over and climbed on him, this made him really happy, he held me tightly and let out a breath of relief. "I thought you'd gone, I thought....I couldn't feel you," this sincerity Haruka has, I kissed him, "I love you, my only soul." he had a brimming grin and placed his head on my shoulder, just like he would, and I felt loved, he spoke under his breath. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, ....Chara...my Mars....I love you, I love you..." I stroked his hair, this was real. All of this, the morning light burned my shoulder , but his heat was more inciting than anything and his words melted me, because of how honest he was with me, he didn't need to put on a mask, this type of sincerity, and openness, Only you. I took the lead his time, and it seems that I've put his heart at ease, I don't care what anyone says, I'm tired of having nothing, and here what I've wanted most in my life is right here in my arms.
We traveled to Sapporo that night, and met with everyone, we happened to walk into the room just as Shou and Mika. We greeted them quite happily though Shou was a bit shocked, and of course he woud be, he didn't know. "You met at the lobby?" He asked after a greeting hug to Haru, he chuckled, "something like that," I thought they would bring up songs or work, but no, I forgot they were on hiatus because of Shous Acting and Haru;s side band, one I am actually a guest at currently until he gains the courage to sing his own songs. "I love your jacket," Mika gave me a hug, he coyly smiled and whispered to me "it's Haruka's isn't it?" I gave her a slightly nod, he put her hand on my shoulder and congratulated me. I was too embrassed for this, and so into the room we went. It was a thing we do often but this would be different, "Just like L.A." I sighed. Haruka pulled me close , a bit amused. "it's different from L.A. you know why?"
I took his hands in mine, the size was evident, "because we're in Japan?" He shook his head.
"Because you're wearing that ring, you're mine kid, and I'm yours, savvy?"
I pulled him in and he leaned down to kiss me, the door opened Seiko popped her head out. "Get in losers, we're trying to set up Monopoly over here!"Not even phased because she knew. That night, it was like L.A. but he was right, it was different, because I had something I haven't had ever, security. Secure in how he felt about me, in the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me regardless of what happens in the future and the fact that he has plans for a future with me, I wonder...have I ever loved anyone this much? Halfway through my turn he placed his arm around me, the only person that seemed bothered was Shou, he asked me later that night why I went back to Haruka. I was offended. "Why would you have a problem with that?" He brought up Masake and Haruka being friends, "I don't want to hear this, don't let Haruka know we had this conversation,he'll be pissed." He tried to make amends but I didn't have time to deal with Shou's feelings for me. I don't know how to let him know that I will never choose him, I gathered my things and
I want to forget every little detail about him.
But it's hard to do something your instincts tell you don't make any sense, until you recall him, and...her. The staircase always brings trouble, I want to avoid them at all costs, I don't care if I get a million flashes to my face and bump into people and things. I don't want to live shady, not like that.
I came back to the hotel today, I bought some clothes and groceries, a million flashes in my face since I took the subway today, by midday everyone knew where I was. I was meeting the band for kareoke today, and also Haruka.
He divroced Nana a week ago, but he's been in Hawaii getting the paperwork worked over. It would have been simpler if they married in Japan, but Nana is born in the US, he is born in Japan, they married to please her father, her major investor as his company runs the major artists. Nana...I miss her, there really is few people i can call friends, and she was, was, one of those people. I sigh as the access key from my hand slides on the panel by the elevator, I sigh again as the gravity of the day hit me, I begin to think how far I've come to get to this very point. "You really can't ever feel my presence can't you?" Haruka's voice sent a jolt through my spine and made me drop my groceries, however he's a black belt and managed to catch them, however Ii was more focused on his disguise. The glasses and hot pink wig, he looked like a hide cosplayer, even that jacket. "Oh is today...may 4rth?" he nodded and kissed me, luckily the elevator was empty and I lived on the 13rth floor. I felt my heart racing, so was his, he was so close I could notice that detail. "Haruka!" I breathe but he's been in Hawaii and hasn't touched me in a long time. I remember this side of him and I want to give it into but "Can't wait" he breathed, this made me laugh. "let's get into the room at least?" as if on cue the elevator doors opened on 13rh, room #109, slide the card again, open, close, shoes, groceries, bags, and Haruka takes me to the room. But as he is over me he just looks at me. "What is it?" I finally ask , he seems in wonder, but...something else. "Do you want me?" he finally says.
embarrassed I look away, "I don't know what you mean" Trying to avoid the question, I don't like to talk like this...ever. "Don't play unknowable, I know you know you what I am feeling, and I want to know...if you feel it as well." as he said this he gets closer his mouth on my ear, his head pressing lightly against mine, and there is a heat that follows it. "Do I have to be so poignant?" He chuckles. "I have just been thinking, I always initiate it, because I want you, because I love you, because you are my shinning light, my star, my mars, if I could describe everything you are to me, I'm sure you'd let me, that is why I want you, I just want to know...if it's gonna be L.A."
I think about now...like L.A. sleeping together....rarely kissing, not sleeping together, lie at his apartment after Paris, I had gotten used to having sex with someone that you love. I wasn't familiar with that concept until Masake, Haruka...."What do you want from me?" I asked then, my voice breaking, It tore at me, this inquisition, and he saw it, tried to retort. "I want the whole package, the singer, the poet, the girl with the stars in her eyes, the planet that can cause my gravitation to succumb, but I want to know...if you want this from me as well." I didn't know how to say it, but... maybe I could. I had to move quickly, because he's bigger than me, I slipped out of his grip and embraced him. " saying things inside of my heart, in real life..its different from a song." I got emotional , but he kissed my forehead and proceeded" Is it easier to sing it, then? by all means."
and that put me at ease, and I did. I slipped off that bright pink wig and tossed his dark brown hair twirling the bit of bleached platinum strands that got caught in my grasp. "You are the most unbelievable inventory of memories that in the life I've ever had, you have the most saddest and prettiest story that in my life I've ever seen, I want to walk through the star filled skies, in which you first confessed to me, I want to wear that ring you gave me the moment you realized that you wanted to start a life alongside me, it really hurt me when you left me, and then I hurt you when we met again, but now I know that I cannot breathe, without your eyes, without your soul, without your tender heart, I've dreamed you all these nights, I try to hold on but I'm scared...."
"I wont disappear," I kiss him then, and he never let me go.
That night it was something like a beginning. Hajimete, we started something,and when I woke up that ring was on my finger, the same one and I wondered just how he got it, I never noticed it but in the morning light, I can see it, the chain around his neck, the rings, they looked familiar, one I noticed instantly, it was the matching set to the one on my ring finger the others, I couldn't place. it was hot, and hotter beneath the sheets, this must have stirred him because he arose and reached for me, but when he couldn't feel me he jumped up, and searched but my eyes locked on his startled ones, I stretched over and climbed on him, this made him really happy, he held me tightly and let out a breath of relief. "I thought you'd gone, I thought....I couldn't feel you," this sincerity Haruka has, I kissed him, "I love you, my only soul." he had a brimming grin and placed his head on my shoulder, just like he would, and I felt loved, he spoke under his breath. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, ....Chara...my Mars....I love you, I love you..." I stroked his hair, this was real. All of this, the morning light burned my shoulder , but his heat was more inciting than anything and his words melted me, because of how honest he was with me, he didn't need to put on a mask, this type of sincerity, and openness, Only you. I took the lead his time, and it seems that I've put his heart at ease, I don't care what anyone says, I'm tired of having nothing, and here what I've wanted most in my life is right here in my arms.
We traveled to Sapporo that night, and met with everyone, we happened to walk into the room just as Shou and Mika. We greeted them quite happily though Shou was a bit shocked, and of course he woud be, he didn't know. "You met at the lobby?" He asked after a greeting hug to Haru, he chuckled, "something like that," I thought they would bring up songs or work, but no, I forgot they were on hiatus because of Shous Acting and Haru;s side band, one I am actually a guest at currently until he gains the courage to sing his own songs. "I love your jacket," Mika gave me a hug, he coyly smiled and whispered to me "it's Haruka's isn't it?" I gave her a slightly nod, he put her hand on my shoulder and congratulated me. I was too embrassed for this, and so into the room we went. It was a thing we do often but this would be different, "Just like L.A." I sighed. Haruka pulled me close , a bit amused. "it's different from L.A. you know why?"
I took his hands in mine, the size was evident, "because we're in Japan?" He shook his head.
"Because you're wearing that ring, you're mine kid, and I'm yours, savvy?"
I pulled him in and he leaned down to kiss me, the door opened Seiko popped her head out. "Get in losers, we're trying to set up Monopoly over here!"Not even phased because she knew. That night, it was like L.A. but he was right, it was different, because I had something I haven't had ever, security. Secure in how he felt about me, in the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me regardless of what happens in the future and the fact that he has plans for a future with me, I wonder...have I ever loved anyone this much? Halfway through my turn he placed his arm around me, the only person that seemed bothered was Shou, he asked me later that night why I went back to Haruka. I was offended. "Why would you have a problem with that?" He brought up Masake and Haruka being friends, "I don't want to hear this, don't let Haruka know we had this conversation,he'll be pissed." He tried to make amends but I didn't have time to deal with Shou's feelings for me. I don't know how to let him know that I will never choose him, I gathered my things and
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