The crashing waves must've woken me up, and there I saw that I had slept on the beach, a blanket wrapped around me, and something warm beside me, but it wasn't something it was a person. I looked up to see them, awake , looking out to the sea, the morning light behind the clouds and amber colours shown into his retinas, and I saw the colour I never thought I'd see again. Hazel eyes, looked out from those milky eyelids, his coarse hair now greying in some areas, and subtle stubble that had been recently shaved, he looked thinner, and a little bigger yet, and still his scent was the same as last night, and I thought I might have died, but surely, I anxious took his hand and held it with mine, and it was there, the ring. "H-H-..?" He looked down to me and grinned, "You thirsty?" I shook my head and it hit me there in my heart that warm luaghter, "Haruka?" He leaned over and kissed my hair, "You're just like you used to be, I thought that maybe when you passed out last night you might've not been expecting me, but I couldn't stay away from you any longer," I noticed that his arm was around me because he pulled me in closer to him, and my body reacted before my mind, my arms warpped around him, clinging to his ribs, and yes, he was thinner. My head against his chest, and there was that familiar beating, thump....thump thump....thump.
"I don't understand this" I elt out, "I thought you were...gone, I looked everywhere, I never stopped looking, but then, your jacket..." He seemed to know what I was talking about because he wasn't surprised. "Yeah, i heard, but I'm glad you had to stop, I'm sorry I never told you, but now is when you need to know." I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, What is he saying? I don't understand this either and yet a small piece in my heart is telling me I am about to be angry with him for a reason I can't comprehend. "About a year before the tsunami, remember, my sister?" I nodded, "yeah, Marissa, she's still in a coma." He nodded. "Well, I saw how her husband lost everything and everyone he knew because he wouldn't leave her side, and then his money ran out, and the family helped him, but that's all he did for the rest of his life until he died that year, remember?" I was piecing it together in my mind, and yeah, it made me mad, I nodded, but he could see the anger in my eyes now, because he looked away, the way he always did when he knew I'd scold him, and then my heart sank again, because he was there to feel my anger, and to feel bad, yes, Haruka Amano is alive. I hesistated though, because I need to hear the rest of his story. "I knew that, if that ever happened to either of us, I would be okay loosing everything, but you, I couldn't take away from the world like that, and I know you, I know you would never leave me." That is true. "So I thought of how, and if that ever happened to me, a coma, or something worse, that you wouldn't have to make any decision or even know that I was half-alive. I thought of whom I could trust other than you in that situation, and only one name came up, Shou. Who else would love you enough to know what that could do to you, well fate has funny ways of sticking it to us, because that's happened. I remember I was chasing after Bou, he was so scared, but I put him back into the car, and then a woman lost her son under some debry and asked for help, I locked the twins in the car and went to help her, because you know if that was my kid I'd want help too. I felt the tide coming back in but the kid was screaming, I managed to get the boards off of him, but I couldn't save him, the second wave came back and threw my head agaisnt something hard, and that's all I can remember. When i woke up a six months ago, the first person I saw was a nurse, she walked in, and her eyes lit up, and said she was calling my friend back, the one who comes to see me every weekend. I thought that maybe it was you, and I was roubled, but then I saw Shou, and I knew I did the right thing. He was beside himself, and gave me a hug that nearly crushed my bones, the doctor came in and began to tell us that it was predicted I could wake up during this year, and then they told me, I was sleeping for 17 years. I couldn't believe it, I asked for a mirror, and I recognized myself, I thought I'd be all planet of the apes looking, but they told me my friends took good care of me, Shou, Seiko, and Saga, they were the only ones who knew. I wanted to see you right away, but I needed them to tell me everything before I could intrude on your life." I looked away from him then because I knew that he knew about everything, and I was ashamed. "You have daughter," I nodded, "Yeah, Layla." I looked up at him, but he wasn't sad, he was still grinning, that type of smile that was warm and mellow in him, my heart remembered it, and loved him for it. He pulled me close to him, "I'm glad, I always wanted you to have a daughter." I shook my head though, "She's not really mine, you know that don't you?" "I know that you gave her to her father because you weren't able to care for her then, but I hear that you guys are seeing more of eachother now, you did the right thing, I know Shou doesn't blame you." So he knows he's her father, "Did he tell you?" I asked a bit nervously, "No, I met her, she told me, she was very anxious to meet me, she said, 'Mom says the real reason my dad and real mom aren't together is because real mom doesn't love dad, that she feels guilty about me and dad towards you, won't you tell her it's okay, so that you think it's okay for her to love me too?'" That hit my heart, because I knew Haruka was hurting behind his smile, no matter what he said, I stopped thinking and held him closer. "I'm sorry, after you were gone, i went a bit insane, they took the twins from me, and I swear I could see you, I could hear you singing to me like you used to do, and, and then you were everything I cared about, the twins got so thin, and I couldn't even see them, I tried to take care of them, but I just couldn't. When Shou took care of me, I could swear that you were so like eachother,k it was like you were there with me, and when I found out I was carrying Layla, I knew it wrong, I will always feel wrong about Shou, because I used him, and he loved me so purely. I'm sorry, Layla was taken from me because I slit my wrists with a broken mirror, if Shou hadn't broken down the closet door to get to me, we would have both died. I was unfit, so Shou legally took her away from me, and I let him, because she always felt like his, not mine" . Of course, it all makes sense now, how I was unable to bond with my own baby, now the baby is a teenager capable of understanding human emotion and behavior. I wonder if all the trauma I endured, if it passed on to her. "She looks just like you Charls, same eyes, face, some of Shou is in there, but she's yours without a doubt".
"I don't understand this" I elt out, "I thought you were...gone, I looked everywhere, I never stopped looking, but then, your jacket..." He seemed to know what I was talking about because he wasn't surprised. "Yeah, i heard, but I'm glad you had to stop, I'm sorry I never told you, but now is when you need to know." I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, What is he saying? I don't understand this either and yet a small piece in my heart is telling me I am about to be angry with him for a reason I can't comprehend. "About a year before the tsunami, remember, my sister?" I nodded, "yeah, Marissa, she's still in a coma." He nodded. "Well, I saw how her husband lost everything and everyone he knew because he wouldn't leave her side, and then his money ran out, and the family helped him, but that's all he did for the rest of his life until he died that year, remember?" I was piecing it together in my mind, and yeah, it made me mad, I nodded, but he could see the anger in my eyes now, because he looked away, the way he always did when he knew I'd scold him, and then my heart sank again, because he was there to feel my anger, and to feel bad, yes, Haruka Amano is alive. I hesistated though, because I need to hear the rest of his story. "I knew that, if that ever happened to either of us, I would be okay loosing everything, but you, I couldn't take away from the world like that, and I know you, I know you would never leave me." That is true. "So I thought of how, and if that ever happened to me, a coma, or something worse, that you wouldn't have to make any decision or even know that I was half-alive. I thought of whom I could trust other than you in that situation, and only one name came up, Shou. Who else would love you enough to know what that could do to you, well fate has funny ways of sticking it to us, because that's happened. I remember I was chasing after Bou, he was so scared, but I put him back into the car, and then a woman lost her son under some debry and asked for help, I locked the twins in the car and went to help her, because you know if that was my kid I'd want help too. I felt the tide coming back in but the kid was screaming, I managed to get the boards off of him, but I couldn't save him, the second wave came back and threw my head agaisnt something hard, and that's all I can remember. When i woke up a six months ago, the first person I saw was a nurse, she walked in, and her eyes lit up, and said she was calling my friend back, the one who comes to see me every weekend. I thought that maybe it was you, and I was roubled, but then I saw Shou, and I knew I did the right thing. He was beside himself, and gave me a hug that nearly crushed my bones, the doctor came in and began to tell us that it was predicted I could wake up during this year, and then they told me, I was sleeping for 17 years. I couldn't believe it, I asked for a mirror, and I recognized myself, I thought I'd be all planet of the apes looking, but they told me my friends took good care of me, Shou, Seiko, and Saga, they were the only ones who knew. I wanted to see you right away, but I needed them to tell me everything before I could intrude on your life." I looked away from him then because I knew that he knew about everything, and I was ashamed. "You have daughter," I nodded, "Yeah, Layla." I looked up at him, but he wasn't sad, he was still grinning, that type of smile that was warm and mellow in him, my heart remembered it, and loved him for it. He pulled me close to him, "I'm glad, I always wanted you to have a daughter." I shook my head though, "She's not really mine, you know that don't you?" "I know that you gave her to her father because you weren't able to care for her then, but I hear that you guys are seeing more of eachother now, you did the right thing, I know Shou doesn't blame you." So he knows he's her father, "Did he tell you?" I asked a bit nervously, "No, I met her, she told me, she was very anxious to meet me, she said, 'Mom says the real reason my dad and real mom aren't together is because real mom doesn't love dad, that she feels guilty about me and dad towards you, won't you tell her it's okay, so that you think it's okay for her to love me too?'" That hit my heart, because I knew Haruka was hurting behind his smile, no matter what he said, I stopped thinking and held him closer. "I'm sorry, after you were gone, i went a bit insane, they took the twins from me, and I swear I could see you, I could hear you singing to me like you used to do, and, and then you were everything I cared about, the twins got so thin, and I couldn't even see them, I tried to take care of them, but I just couldn't. When Shou took care of me, I could swear that you were so like eachother,k it was like you were there with me, and when I found out I was carrying Layla, I knew it wrong, I will always feel wrong about Shou, because I used him, and he loved me so purely. I'm sorry, Layla was taken from me because I slit my wrists with a broken mirror, if Shou hadn't broken down the closet door to get to me, we would have both died. I was unfit, so Shou legally took her away from me, and I let him, because she always felt like his, not mine" . Of course, it all makes sense now, how I was unable to bond with my own baby, now the baby is a teenager capable of understanding human emotion and behavior. I wonder if all the trauma I endured, if it passed on to her. "She looks just like you Charls, same eyes, face, some of Shou is in there, but she's yours without a doubt".
I swallowed the lump on my throat and for the first time, I felt the judgment pass over me. " What have I done?" I broke down in tears again, he held me close but he continued talking calmly.
"Ever since that day, in my sleep, in my mind, I've only ever thought of getting back to you, I thought I was dead, that the dreams I had of you were my afterlife, I was the twins grow, I saw you grow, we lived on this hill at the ends of the universe and we chased the stars together. I'm sorry I...I'm sorry that I was away for such a a long time, but I'm happy that you still made a life, even if it wasn't as happy as I wanted for you, at least you lived your life that's what I always wanted."
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