They sparkled in the sky, the lights, the stars, and I chased after you but their sparkle distracted me. The cold sand rustled against the coming tide and I stopped there staring up at them, the meteor showers, coming down like some kind of magical illusion made to keep my eye on the sky unaware of anything else. That's how I feel about you, so my eye dropped and there you were, that beautiful girl with the fiery eyes, and the eyes glimmered as you looked up at the same skies, but to me, you looked like you were sparkling too, the shower was everywhere and on this beach coming out of the very horizon. That's when I knew that we've met before, that's why it had to be you, and it's always been you. What lives have we lived before, and what trials had we faced? Did you love me as much as you do now, or was your love surpassing mine in another life? What color were your eyes? Surely aquamarine, they must have been, and what of your life, did you suffer too? even worse? Did I suffer worse?
I make my way across the sand to you and you catch me in your vision and turn to see me, you smile, and tell me "Look up, it's beautiful" but I don't need to look up, because you're beautiful and though I want to tell you, and though I want you to know what I'm thinking, I lock it inside myself, and just give you a kiss before you turn back to the skies, and you kiss me with a tender passion not deeply but heartily and I feel that what I was thinking is true. We've met before, on some other place, in another time, in another life, living different lives, and surely we will continue to meet again, and again, until the black hole eats everything, perhaps, even then.
I make my way across the sand to you and you catch me in your vision and turn to see me, you smile, and tell me "Look up, it's beautiful" but I don't need to look up, because you're beautiful and though I want to tell you, and though I want you to know what I'm thinking, I lock it inside myself, and just give you a kiss before you turn back to the skies, and you kiss me with a tender passion not deeply but heartily and I feel that what I was thinking is true. We've met before, on some other place, in another time, in another life, living different lives, and surely we will continue to meet again, and again, until the black hole eats everything, perhaps, even then.
These tides are catching, and in them Chara pulls away from me and tries to catch a star, but realizing it's miles away she sighs and runs after it instead, intently, I run after her, because I know that when she's like this, it isn't the fading meteor she's chasing, it's something much more fragile than that. I catch her as the tears set, and she kisses me, deeply this time, because she needs to forget the memory and I kiss her and press my nose into hers, because it makes her feel safe. Wrapping her arms around me not letting go, I carry her the rest of the way up the hill, watching the stars and the rising sun, she sings to me, about catching a star, and flying through space, words of love that have no ending and a happiness of water seeping through her hair which she imagined to be made of wood.
'Would Charlotte have fallen for me in another universe even if I wasn't there?' I wondered about this sometimes when I was younger, because I had no intention of dating girls, the gay kids in school thought I was one of them and so a lot of my friends were gay, but I just... felt, like my heart was full, and I couldn't explain this invisible love to anyone, and when girl's confessed to me and then asked "is it because you have a girlfriend?" I'd tell them, "I don't know, but there's someone." I tried to explain it to the guys, but only Shou understood what I meant , he said that, "It's as if you're only waiting to meet her, but your feelings are settled, and any doubts are settled, and when you see her, you'll only feel empty, because she's so close and you'll realize she isn't in your heart like you thought she was."
That is how I feel about Charlotte, I lay her down to sleep and she pulls me in and I lay down with her, one of her hand's over my ear, my other ear over her heart, and I let the steady beating lull me to sleep. When she's like this, I know she's thinking of that pain, because stars aren't just burning helium suspended in space, to her, she believes we all came from the same place, like me. That all sadness and happiness exist because they have to, there are no endings because we who are fortunate to have a consciousness exist, and that we exist and are able to know each other, that to me is a miracle.
Charlotte, she wants to retrace her steps, back to when the dust made the decision to make her father hate her. Bending the particles by the slightest would have changed this, and in changing it, she wouldn't be pained everyday when she see's a happy mother and child, a little girl. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if Sylvia was born, if she hadn't chosen to depart before she'd gotten here, if the blood hadn't stained on us both a pain that is sometimes unbearable. Chara wants to try again, even though Sylvia wasn't planned, but I'm not ready for that. If this next time is the same, if as the doctor told her when she was carrying Masake's child, is true and that chances of her carrying a full term pregnancy are under 30%, how many more ashes will she scatter over Hakodate Bay? I look at her now succumbing to sleep, and wonder as I often do about her. If her father had not almost killed her that night, If I hadn't gotten tired of that party and gone to the beach, if that bus driver hadn't been kind to her and taken her all the way to the last stop, if she hadn't slept on the shore, if I hadn't noticed her and kept walking, then where would our lives have been?
I came alive when I met her, I wonder the exact words that come into her head when she thinks of me, even after all these years I still wonder.
I kiss her arm before sleep takes me, and I'm off again beside her, in my dream we're on the beach again, chasing her, but she stares into the skies and runs after a star she's walking on air and I try to chase after her but she's too far and I'm not as good as she is at waking on air, she's flying from me. I call out to her "Mars" and she turns around, the star in her hand drops, and she's right there infront of me, no longer light years away, "Saturn," she whispers, and then we're there again in space and we're on Saturn dancing on the rings, the tiny pebbles taking us around and around as the piano music makes it's way into my head, like the light steps she dances to, and I'm lost in this unimaginable happiness, and I know that whether by the hand of fate or not, I would have met her, no matter where she was, or how many years passed in this era, I would have found her.
"It's raining again," what a disappointment, we were supposed to take a plane to Tokyo in the morning but we woke up late as usual. Chara made me some breakfast , really the only thing she can make a sandwhich with eggs and green onions, we'd usually order in, but the weather is really bad and the only food she likes are from the shops down by the shore. "I really wanted shrimp too, oh well." she sighs, I offer to make her some but the frozen shrimp would take hours to defrost, "maybe if we put it on the stove?" she suggests, apperantly not taking my excuses for answers, I put water in a pan and place the package of frozen shrimp inside it, bringing the flame down to a simmer and she prepares her other specialty brown rice. Which is a mixed the package broth and rice inside the cooker, I can't help but laugh at how the "voice of our generation" as Shoxxer Roxxer called her has never even learn to cook a home made meal, everything instant and here's a perfect example of that.
I take my eyes off her though because the trees are hitting the windows, the storm is getting worse,
"I don't think we'll be able to make it back to Tokyo tomorrow, I'm going to call in, you should too." "Got it," I heard her talking to Emily, I just texted Saito, he said he'd get me on a ferry but I had to get back tomorrow, which upset me some, Chara had the rest of the week off, but I did have a fan meeting at the Shibuya Tribute center and the guys would hate me if I didn't show. "I have to get back tomorrow," I called out, silence. "Chara?" "I heard you," she said sullenly, I turned the stove off as the water was boiling and walked over to her. "Saito's not letting me off the hook, I have to get there tomorrow, " just then a thunder bolt roared, "no matter what?" she asked, "yeah," she took my hand and began to analyze it, "but, we haven't even tried yet, I was really hoping that, we could try." She put her cheek in my palm and instinctively I ran my thumb over her lips, she never really wears make up, but still her mouth is soft, and though we're never particularly pawing over each other it's a bit hard to stop when she lets me make an advance, ignoring the constant texts I keep getting and the storm outside I let her know exactly much I've been hungering for this we make our way to the bedroom and my body reacts to her taking her clothes off, her skin on mine, and she's all mine
'Would Charlotte have fallen for me in another universe even if I wasn't there?' I wondered about this sometimes when I was younger, because I had no intention of dating girls, the gay kids in school thought I was one of them and so a lot of my friends were gay, but I just... felt, like my heart was full, and I couldn't explain this invisible love to anyone, and when girl's confessed to me and then asked "is it because you have a girlfriend?" I'd tell them, "I don't know, but there's someone." I tried to explain it to the guys, but only Shou understood what I meant , he said that, "It's as if you're only waiting to meet her, but your feelings are settled, and any doubts are settled, and when you see her, you'll only feel empty, because she's so close and you'll realize she isn't in your heart like you thought she was."
That is how I feel about Charlotte, I lay her down to sleep and she pulls me in and I lay down with her, one of her hand's over my ear, my other ear over her heart, and I let the steady beating lull me to sleep. When she's like this, I know she's thinking of that pain, because stars aren't just burning helium suspended in space, to her, she believes we all came from the same place, like me. That all sadness and happiness exist because they have to, there are no endings because we who are fortunate to have a consciousness exist, and that we exist and are able to know each other, that to me is a miracle.
Charlotte, she wants to retrace her steps, back to when the dust made the decision to make her father hate her. Bending the particles by the slightest would have changed this, and in changing it, she wouldn't be pained everyday when she see's a happy mother and child, a little girl. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if Sylvia was born, if she hadn't chosen to depart before she'd gotten here, if the blood hadn't stained on us both a pain that is sometimes unbearable. Chara wants to try again, even though Sylvia wasn't planned, but I'm not ready for that. If this next time is the same, if as the doctor told her when she was carrying Masake's child, is true and that chances of her carrying a full term pregnancy are under 30%, how many more ashes will she scatter over Hakodate Bay? I look at her now succumbing to sleep, and wonder as I often do about her. If her father had not almost killed her that night, If I hadn't gotten tired of that party and gone to the beach, if that bus driver hadn't been kind to her and taken her all the way to the last stop, if she hadn't slept on the shore, if I hadn't noticed her and kept walking, then where would our lives have been?
I came alive when I met her, I wonder the exact words that come into her head when she thinks of me, even after all these years I still wonder.
I kiss her arm before sleep takes me, and I'm off again beside her, in my dream we're on the beach again, chasing her, but she stares into the skies and runs after a star she's walking on air and I try to chase after her but she's too far and I'm not as good as she is at waking on air, she's flying from me. I call out to her "Mars" and she turns around, the star in her hand drops, and she's right there infront of me, no longer light years away, "Saturn," she whispers, and then we're there again in space and we're on Saturn dancing on the rings, the tiny pebbles taking us around and around as the piano music makes it's way into my head, like the light steps she dances to, and I'm lost in this unimaginable happiness, and I know that whether by the hand of fate or not, I would have met her, no matter where she was, or how many years passed in this era, I would have found her.
"It's raining again," what a disappointment, we were supposed to take a plane to Tokyo in the morning but we woke up late as usual. Chara made me some breakfast , really the only thing she can make a sandwhich with eggs and green onions, we'd usually order in, but the weather is really bad and the only food she likes are from the shops down by the shore. "I really wanted shrimp too, oh well." she sighs, I offer to make her some but the frozen shrimp would take hours to defrost, "maybe if we put it on the stove?" she suggests, apperantly not taking my excuses for answers, I put water in a pan and place the package of frozen shrimp inside it, bringing the flame down to a simmer and she prepares her other specialty brown rice. Which is a mixed the package broth and rice inside the cooker, I can't help but laugh at how the "voice of our generation" as Shoxxer Roxxer called her has never even learn to cook a home made meal, everything instant and here's a perfect example of that.
I take my eyes off her though because the trees are hitting the windows, the storm is getting worse,
"I don't think we'll be able to make it back to Tokyo tomorrow, I'm going to call in, you should too." "Got it," I heard her talking to Emily, I just texted Saito, he said he'd get me on a ferry but I had to get back tomorrow, which upset me some, Chara had the rest of the week off, but I did have a fan meeting at the Shibuya Tribute center and the guys would hate me if I didn't show. "I have to get back tomorrow," I called out, silence. "Chara?" "I heard you," she said sullenly, I turned the stove off as the water was boiling and walked over to her. "Saito's not letting me off the hook, I have to get there tomorrow, " just then a thunder bolt roared, "no matter what?" she asked, "yeah," she took my hand and began to analyze it, "but, we haven't even tried yet, I was really hoping that, we could try." She put her cheek in my palm and instinctively I ran my thumb over her lips, she never really wears make up, but still her mouth is soft, and though we're never particularly pawing over each other it's a bit hard to stop when she lets me make an advance, ignoring the constant texts I keep getting and the storm outside I let her know exactly much I've been hungering for this we make our way to the bedroom and my body reacts to her taking her clothes off, her skin on mine, and she's all mine
Sometimes she bites me, but usually that only happens in the city after heafty helpings of alcohol or after she's been on stage The fire in her eyes comes out when she's performing, it's like she transforms into this Siren, but today the fire is there, no biting, and I love her body as much as she lets me.
I leave her on the couch clutching on a pillow at 3 in the morning, the storm subsided and I got a text from Taka that I should take the bullet train leaving in 45 minutes, I already got a ticket, I gather my things and put my clothes on running upstairs for a leather rain jacket, and find a small box in the shoe rack. It long and tied with a yellow-green ribbon, a card on it reading my name, I take the card off and undo the ribbon. Inside the box was a pair of necklaces, but in the box, they appeared together, Mars and Saturn, it almost looked like a Vivienne Westwood piece, but it wasn't. I wonder how she made it, I took it in my hand and twisted the figures, they came unhooked and swung into two necklaces, one in gold chain and one in silver chain. I put them back into the case as I hear her sturring, and don't want her to find me peeking at her things. I grab my jacket and head out the door, I'll send her a message later when the ringing wont bother her, the lights are coming from the city and in them I catch my car coming for me down the winding road to my universe, I turn to the house wishing I was still sleeping in that bed beside her, I sigh. "I'll be missing you, my only soul."
I leave her on the couch clutching on a pillow at 3 in the morning, the storm subsided and I got a text from Taka that I should take the bullet train leaving in 45 minutes, I already got a ticket, I gather my things and put my clothes on running upstairs for a leather rain jacket, and find a small box in the shoe rack. It long and tied with a yellow-green ribbon, a card on it reading my name, I take the card off and undo the ribbon. Inside the box was a pair of necklaces, but in the box, they appeared together, Mars and Saturn, it almost looked like a Vivienne Westwood piece, but it wasn't. I wonder how she made it, I took it in my hand and twisted the figures, they came unhooked and swung into two necklaces, one in gold chain and one in silver chain. I put them back into the case as I hear her sturring, and don't want her to find me peeking at her things. I grab my jacket and head out the door, I'll send her a message later when the ringing wont bother her, the lights are coming from the city and in them I catch my car coming for me down the winding road to my universe, I turn to the house wishing I was still sleeping in that bed beside her, I sigh. "I'll be missing you, my only soul."
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