It's been almost a week now....and he still hasn't contacted me. I want to know how you feel Haruka, are we just....in limbo? When you held me so closely, when you're eyes gazed into me over that moonlight, I asked you to be kind to me...but you're still so very far away. I don't know what to make of it really. Something inside of me is calling out, telling me that I want to be with you, but I don't know how to reach you, maybe you lost my number? I don't want to ask it from someone else, specially since it was my number you got, why didn't you give me yours? Besides, I don't want them to know when I could be wrong...am I wrong? Tell me so, because this waiting is tearing apart my patience.
Rehearsal in the morning passes by like a breeze , already two weeks on tour and I can easily control the invislbe crowd, as Seiko's wailing guitar notes resonate inside the hall, and Tomo's back up singing along with hers recall my chorus and we decide to do a cover everynight just for the hell of it, fo rhte encore, and every night, I okay a song simply because we like it, but I want you to know that I'm singing it to you. Because I don't care what you think about me, I want you to think about me anyways, because I want you to fall in love with me in the deepest parts of you, I want you to become mine forever. Giving up, is something I don't want to bear when it coems to you, not again. The last time I wrapped you up inside a melody, and kept you there so you bother me, I was able to move on, and though my choices werent wise, or reciprhocated, I found a loev either ways, and then you came back into my life, and reawaked those dreams for me, and now....I feel as though you want to torture me. Am I wrong then? Were your plans to become friends and friends only? With me inside your bed, holding onto your arm as you pat my head and whisper gentle things, things that make my heart pitter patter to a longing madrigal. Tell me, what am I to you, and what should I expect from you? Oh, you expect too much ,Chara, you stupid girl. I wonder and I will wondering, and just like the night before I will throw it out of my mind when the curtain rises and the roar of the crowd and the calling of my name followed by countless waving love letters are directed at me through a gaze, and my heart will also dance but to a completely different melody, tell me, are you in that crowd and if you are, my heart will dance to that tune, but you are in the backstage of my mind, and you come across that curtain and take my hand and give to me what I want to desperately give to you, will you let me? Love is stupid, and painful, and thinking those things the ballad Seiko wrote surely for Saga is our closing song before the encore tonight, the practice is well, and Erin shoots me a look as I think about you again, "You okay Charls?" he asks with a grin, I force one on me and nod, "I'm starving, let's get one of those pre-pared meals." Tomo joins us but Seiko is on the phone, we look over and Tomo calls out "You coming?" She's smiling and I recognize that face, not smiling at a joke, but something in her heart is coming through and that soft blush on her nose tells me she's talking with Saga. "Later," she says still similing and fiddling with her guitar. "Okay, we'll save you a chicken one," "Thanks!" She shoots us down in a gesture she uses to say "thanks" and we leave her to her lovey conversation, I still haven't learned to speak Japanese as well as Seiko or Tomo, or even Erin, he was practically raised in Tokyo but the closests I ever got to learning Japanese was subtitles on shojou anime I'd watch online, even though I'd had a tutor for a long time now, I can't speak it so fast, I can have conversations but sometimes I have to speak very simply, and then I don't understand most Kanji so signs in english are best for me. Luckily Emily does all of that for me, if it wasn't for her I would have been lost in a hole and died a long time ago. Being a rockstar is tiring, I don't know how they do this, sure I've toured before but Indies is different, the halls aren't as big, and the staff is half or maybe one third of this. Not that I don't enjoy it, but what I hate most is having my picture taken constantly even by staff members most of them for the tour online blog. I don't mind those , but when it's candid and it's not staff I try to nice as about pictures of me eating my takoyaki dessert are taken by fans or complete strangers, lately it's been bothering me though it hasn't in the past I guess it's because of that thing in the backstage of my mind. If I were to become someone as famous as you, would I change like you changed when we met again at that party? I'm afraid of what will happen, we're okay on the charts, but after that number one hit, I'm really scared. We wrapped up rehearsal earlier and given a few free hours but we couldn't leave. Seiko was sleeping and so was Erin, they do this often so it's not a big deal, they literally wake up 5 minutes before curtain call. Tomo and I however are a different breed, we sometimes like to walk outside within the crowd, in disguises of course and will sometimes pretend to wait in line. Today was no different, he in his light brown long hair wig and me in my short blonde wig, frame glasses and fan get up. We were leaning against a railing when he stopped talking to a fan and turned his attention on me, my attention was on my phone. "Sighing won't make him call you, you know." "How do you know? Maybe he can sense how impatient I'm becoming." He laughed and used an alterior name of Haruka, Ruka won't call yet, know why?" I shook my head, Tomo's been my coach in all this, Masake never played this game with me he just bluntly told me he wanted me and I gave him my heart being swooned. Then it hit me, "He's playing hard to get so that I'll miss him?" It sounded strange but...like him. "Ding ding ding ding diing." I hit him over the head with my hand and his laughter turned sinister. "If you think you're going crazy, a guy trying to get your attention is more impatient. I'm sure he doesn't even have his phone on him to avoid temptation." "How long am I going to wait then? Days or another five weeks until the tour is over?" He took out a cigarette and lit it, "Not long, I'm surprised he's taken this long, but whatever it is, I'm sure he's working on it, you know he cant express himself for shit, just give him time." Though Tomo tried to reassure me that Haruka was just being nervous I was still impatient. Haruka might have trouble finding words, but I don't. I have in mind exactly what is in my heart, so I took a bold move, as Tomo was leaving I tugged his arm. "Yeah?" He asked concernly. "Lemme borrow your phone for a minute," His eyebrows raised and he formed grin, "Well not, Princess I like this." He took out his phone and and dailed his number he gestured for me be quiet, finally he spoke, "Oh hey Ruka, ...yes, thanks, I'm alright just wondering something, did you ever get a chance to mail Chara-Chan?" My mouth opened and I tried to take the phone from him but he just smiled and listened to the voice on the other side of the phone. "Ahh... well that's stupid,....mmhmmm, yeah, you see ....well, alright then, let me find it and I'll call you back, alright? Okay," He hung up and I instantly attacked him, "Why!!??" he blocked my weak scratches to his face and laughed. "Hey hey, I just did you a favor," "What favor? Letting him know that I'm waiting?" He nodded, "Not only that, turns out he lost it, and tried to mail variations of what he remembered but I confirmed he was wrong, I'm looking for your address now, so..." he looked up and down at me, and grinned, "Looks like I found it." He took his phone and pressed a key, he threw it at me and I catched it in just that second he ran away. "ahhh...." these sounds escape my mouth sometimes and I can't help it. I nervously put the phone to my ear, and it rang once, before I hear it, his soft cool voice,
Conversation:
"Hey, did you get it for me?" I was a little charmed to hear him after this long, "Yeah, he got it." I replied there was a silence and then, "It's you isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm a total loser I lost your e-mail and was so embarrassed to ask the guys, I'm sorry...you hate me don't you?"
"Well, only a little, I was scared you weren't gonna talk to me again."
"No...I wanna see you, so badly."
"Well, after the tour?"
He laughs a little, "No, when you get to Kyuushu, I'll be there for you"
"Can you do that, aren't you guys busy?"
"I'll have finished my recordings by then, tomorow is my last day but they will sometimes take stuff out and have me redo it."
"Haruka,"
"I want to see you, Chara."
I felt the longing in his voice, can he hear mine?
"I wanna see you too,"
"I was worried that you were gonna yell at me for being a school boy bitch this whole time."
I laughed, "What? I'm just going really easy on you you know,"
"What am I a special exepmtion to your wrath?"
"Yeah , I guess we call it that."
"I wanna see you,"
"I know I know, but what can we can do?"
"hmm...how about we get that phone where we can see eachother?"
"The phone? the uPhone?"
"Yeah, I'll get us some"
"But I like my phone,"
He whined, "Come on, I want us to see eachother when we can't."
his words struck something in me and I caved, "Alright, we'll get the uPhone, anything else you wanna drag me into?"
He laughed, "Everything, Everywhere, I wanna drag you everywhere I can with me if you wanna come."
I laughed this time and he continued to tell me about
Rehearsal in the morning passes by like a breeze , already two weeks on tour and I can easily control the invislbe crowd, as Seiko's wailing guitar notes resonate inside the hall, and Tomo's back up singing along with hers recall my chorus and we decide to do a cover everynight just for the hell of it, fo rhte encore, and every night, I okay a song simply because we like it, but I want you to know that I'm singing it to you. Because I don't care what you think about me, I want you to think about me anyways, because I want you to fall in love with me in the deepest parts of you, I want you to become mine forever. Giving up, is something I don't want to bear when it coems to you, not again. The last time I wrapped you up inside a melody, and kept you there so you bother me, I was able to move on, and though my choices werent wise, or reciprhocated, I found a loev either ways, and then you came back into my life, and reawaked those dreams for me, and now....I feel as though you want to torture me. Am I wrong then? Were your plans to become friends and friends only? With me inside your bed, holding onto your arm as you pat my head and whisper gentle things, things that make my heart pitter patter to a longing madrigal. Tell me, what am I to you, and what should I expect from you? Oh, you expect too much ,Chara, you stupid girl. I wonder and I will wondering, and just like the night before I will throw it out of my mind when the curtain rises and the roar of the crowd and the calling of my name followed by countless waving love letters are directed at me through a gaze, and my heart will also dance but to a completely different melody, tell me, are you in that crowd and if you are, my heart will dance to that tune, but you are in the backstage of my mind, and you come across that curtain and take my hand and give to me what I want to desperately give to you, will you let me? Love is stupid, and painful, and thinking those things the ballad Seiko wrote surely for Saga is our closing song before the encore tonight, the practice is well, and Erin shoots me a look as I think about you again, "You okay Charls?" he asks with a grin, I force one on me and nod, "I'm starving, let's get one of those pre-pared meals." Tomo joins us but Seiko is on the phone, we look over and Tomo calls out "You coming?" She's smiling and I recognize that face, not smiling at a joke, but something in her heart is coming through and that soft blush on her nose tells me she's talking with Saga. "Later," she says still similing and fiddling with her guitar. "Okay, we'll save you a chicken one," "Thanks!" She shoots us down in a gesture she uses to say "thanks" and we leave her to her lovey conversation, I still haven't learned to speak Japanese as well as Seiko or Tomo, or even Erin, he was practically raised in Tokyo but the closests I ever got to learning Japanese was subtitles on shojou anime I'd watch online, even though I'd had a tutor for a long time now, I can't speak it so fast, I can have conversations but sometimes I have to speak very simply, and then I don't understand most Kanji so signs in english are best for me. Luckily Emily does all of that for me, if it wasn't for her I would have been lost in a hole and died a long time ago. Being a rockstar is tiring, I don't know how they do this, sure I've toured before but Indies is different, the halls aren't as big, and the staff is half or maybe one third of this. Not that I don't enjoy it, but what I hate most is having my picture taken constantly even by staff members most of them for the tour online blog. I don't mind those , but when it's candid and it's not staff I try to nice as about pictures of me eating my takoyaki dessert are taken by fans or complete strangers, lately it's been bothering me though it hasn't in the past I guess it's because of that thing in the backstage of my mind. If I were to become someone as famous as you, would I change like you changed when we met again at that party? I'm afraid of what will happen, we're okay on the charts, but after that number one hit, I'm really scared. We wrapped up rehearsal earlier and given a few free hours but we couldn't leave. Seiko was sleeping and so was Erin, they do this often so it's not a big deal, they literally wake up 5 minutes before curtain call. Tomo and I however are a different breed, we sometimes like to walk outside within the crowd, in disguises of course and will sometimes pretend to wait in line. Today was no different, he in his light brown long hair wig and me in my short blonde wig, frame glasses and fan get up. We were leaning against a railing when he stopped talking to a fan and turned his attention on me, my attention was on my phone. "Sighing won't make him call you, you know." "How do you know? Maybe he can sense how impatient I'm becoming." He laughed and used an alterior name of Haruka, Ruka won't call yet, know why?" I shook my head, Tomo's been my coach in all this, Masake never played this game with me he just bluntly told me he wanted me and I gave him my heart being swooned. Then it hit me, "He's playing hard to get so that I'll miss him?" It sounded strange but...like him. "Ding ding ding ding diing." I hit him over the head with my hand and his laughter turned sinister. "If you think you're going crazy, a guy trying to get your attention is more impatient. I'm sure he doesn't even have his phone on him to avoid temptation." "How long am I going to wait then? Days or another five weeks until the tour is over?" He took out a cigarette and lit it, "Not long, I'm surprised he's taken this long, but whatever it is, I'm sure he's working on it, you know he cant express himself for shit, just give him time." Though Tomo tried to reassure me that Haruka was just being nervous I was still impatient. Haruka might have trouble finding words, but I don't. I have in mind exactly what is in my heart, so I took a bold move, as Tomo was leaving I tugged his arm. "Yeah?" He asked concernly. "Lemme borrow your phone for a minute," His eyebrows raised and he formed grin, "Well not, Princess I like this." He took out his phone and and dailed his number he gestured for me be quiet, finally he spoke, "Oh hey Ruka, ...yes, thanks, I'm alright just wondering something, did you ever get a chance to mail Chara-Chan?" My mouth opened and I tried to take the phone from him but he just smiled and listened to the voice on the other side of the phone. "Ahh... well that's stupid,....mmhmmm, yeah, you see ....well, alright then, let me find it and I'll call you back, alright? Okay," He hung up and I instantly attacked him, "Why!!??" he blocked my weak scratches to his face and laughed. "Hey hey, I just did you a favor," "What favor? Letting him know that I'm waiting?" He nodded, "Not only that, turns out he lost it, and tried to mail variations of what he remembered but I confirmed he was wrong, I'm looking for your address now, so..." he looked up and down at me, and grinned, "Looks like I found it." He took his phone and pressed a key, he threw it at me and I catched it in just that second he ran away. "ahhh...." these sounds escape my mouth sometimes and I can't help it. I nervously put the phone to my ear, and it rang once, before I hear it, his soft cool voice,
Conversation:
"Hey, did you get it for me?" I was a little charmed to hear him after this long, "Yeah, he got it." I replied there was a silence and then, "It's you isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm a total loser I lost your e-mail and was so embarrassed to ask the guys, I'm sorry...you hate me don't you?"
"Well, only a little, I was scared you weren't gonna talk to me again."
"No...I wanna see you, so badly."
"Well, after the tour?"
He laughs a little, "No, when you get to Kyuushu, I'll be there for you"
"Can you do that, aren't you guys busy?"
"I'll have finished my recordings by then, tomorow is my last day but they will sometimes take stuff out and have me redo it."
"Haruka,"
"I want to see you, Chara."
I felt the longing in his voice, can he hear mine?
"I wanna see you too,"
"I was worried that you were gonna yell at me for being a school boy bitch this whole time."
I laughed, "What? I'm just going really easy on you you know,"
"What am I a special exepmtion to your wrath?"
"Yeah , I guess we call it that."
"I wanna see you,"
"I know I know, but what can we can do?"
"hmm...how about we get that phone where we can see eachother?"
"The phone? the uPhone?"
"Yeah, I'll get us some"
"But I like my phone,"
He whined, "Come on, I want us to see eachother when we can't."
his words struck something in me and I caved, "Alright, we'll get the uPhone, anything else you wanna drag me into?"
He laughed, "Everything, Everywhere, I wanna drag you everywhere I can with me if you wanna come."
I laughed this time and he continued to tell me about
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