Shou....my love letter to you is a sad excuse indeed. I'm sorry, about everything
I could never live up to. It is true however, that in you I felt a love unlike what I knew before, it filled me up in warmth and above all happiness. I never thought I'd laugh the way you made me laugh, or smile, or sigh, or breathe, I wasn't expecting this, though, I don't regret it. These years by your side, never knew I could live them< the memories overflow in me and I recall the achievements in our life together. Like the day you taught Adagio to paint a tiger, or the time Zetsubou ran away and you found him in just hours, the day Layla was born and you looked at me like it was the first time you saw me, and I realized that look was the same look you greeted me with at the record store, remember? I was looking for Chopin's 5th concerto and I just overlooked you. I've been overlooking for too much, we've been married for seven years, and this si the first time, I feel like I'll loose you forever.
I don't want to loose you, I don't want to think about loosing you, but the way things are, I fear you'll leave me, I fear you'll divorce me, and never want me again. No matter how much I loved Haru, I love you as well, I will never compare you to him, nor have I ever because I know you two are different; the love inside of me for both of you is different and unchanging, and fiercely flaming, though I still remain in love with Haruka, I am still in love you, I know that is unchanging.
I want to be better for you, because I've been a rotten girl to you, and an unworthy woman. Would you know this heart of mine, surely you do, because you mended it, so many times and I thought of you as a the best of friends, but you were always more than that, I just ignored it, because I never wanted to loose your friendship. When I realized that I loved you, however, I thought I had gone crazy. Not only because you were my best friend, but because you were Haruka's best friend, his brother, his number two, how would I justify this feeling to everyone? To his mom, to his brother, to my mother, to Saga, to Seiko, to and most of all how would I tell Bou and Adagio that Momma's in love with Uncle Shou? It was shameful, but more I longed for you, the least these things started to matter to me. So I threw away my pride and told you I loved you, you told me you wanted me as well. We were married by the end of that month, remember? I didn't wear a dress you didn't wear a tux, we flew to China and jumped off a mountain together also we signed paperwork, but that's beside the point. While we were free falling I held onto you as tight as i could, and you kissed me before the glider trapped us in a tree and they came for us, I told you I was yours now, to take care of me and I'd do that same. I was a liar wasn't I? I was spoiled by you, and forgot my promise. Would you still have me? I don't want anyone else but you, Shou. I want to wake up next to you, and to be held by you or die of cold. I want you to know this, because even though a piece of me will always be locked, and gone from the sight of you, the rest of me is yours, accept this truth please, like I have accepted your truths.
I can't reach you anywhere, you left Hakodate a month ago, and I got a call from your lawyer two days ago. I don't want this. But if you do, I'll let you go. I'll let you go, but I wanted you to first know the truth, and I posted this here, because this is the absolute truth, I have nothing to hide. I'll be at that place if you need me, please come to find me, if it's with the final paperwork of our divorce or if it is to take me back, just please...come to me.
I could never live up to. It is true however, that in you I felt a love unlike what I knew before, it filled me up in warmth and above all happiness. I never thought I'd laugh the way you made me laugh, or smile, or sigh, or breathe, I wasn't expecting this, though, I don't regret it. These years by your side, never knew I could live them< the memories overflow in me and I recall the achievements in our life together. Like the day you taught Adagio to paint a tiger, or the time Zetsubou ran away and you found him in just hours, the day Layla was born and you looked at me like it was the first time you saw me, and I realized that look was the same look you greeted me with at the record store, remember? I was looking for Chopin's 5th concerto and I just overlooked you. I've been overlooking for too much, we've been married for seven years, and this si the first time, I feel like I'll loose you forever.
I don't want to loose you, I don't want to think about loosing you, but the way things are, I fear you'll leave me, I fear you'll divorce me, and never want me again. No matter how much I loved Haru, I love you as well, I will never compare you to him, nor have I ever because I know you two are different; the love inside of me for both of you is different and unchanging, and fiercely flaming, though I still remain in love with Haruka, I am still in love you, I know that is unchanging.
I want to be better for you, because I've been a rotten girl to you, and an unworthy woman. Would you know this heart of mine, surely you do, because you mended it, so many times and I thought of you as a the best of friends, but you were always more than that, I just ignored it, because I never wanted to loose your friendship. When I realized that I loved you, however, I thought I had gone crazy. Not only because you were my best friend, but because you were Haruka's best friend, his brother, his number two, how would I justify this feeling to everyone? To his mom, to his brother, to my mother, to Saga, to Seiko, to and most of all how would I tell Bou and Adagio that Momma's in love with Uncle Shou? It was shameful, but more I longed for you, the least these things started to matter to me. So I threw away my pride and told you I loved you, you told me you wanted me as well. We were married by the end of that month, remember? I didn't wear a dress you didn't wear a tux, we flew to China and jumped off a mountain together also we signed paperwork, but that's beside the point. While we were free falling I held onto you as tight as i could, and you kissed me before the glider trapped us in a tree and they came for us, I told you I was yours now, to take care of me and I'd do that same. I was a liar wasn't I? I was spoiled by you, and forgot my promise. Would you still have me? I don't want anyone else but you, Shou. I want to wake up next to you, and to be held by you or die of cold. I want you to know this, because even though a piece of me will always be locked, and gone from the sight of you, the rest of me is yours, accept this truth please, like I have accepted your truths.
I can't reach you anywhere, you left Hakodate a month ago, and I got a call from your lawyer two days ago. I don't want this. But if you do, I'll let you go. I'll let you go, but I wanted you to first know the truth, and I posted this here, because this is the absolute truth, I have nothing to hide. I'll be at that place if you need me, please come to find me, if it's with the final paperwork of our divorce or if it is to take me back, just please...come to me.
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