Skip to main content

//Confess a Revelation

He told me to meet him here, at the old studio in Downtown. I wanted to avoid this, but I know I have to be here to hear him, because what happened in Chyuku, was something I know he could have protected her better. I should've known, but I'm a fool that way. I was sitting behind the drumset making a resonating sound on the symbols before the door slid open, and a voice called to me. "Do you did get here," I stopped my playing as he sound echoed in the small room and I greeted him with a wave and he slid the door closed behind him. "Hey, you told me you wanted to talk to me," He leaned on the mirror next to m, and spoke. "Yea, but before that I need you to tell me something," I set the drum sticks down on the amp behind me, "Shoot," He took his glasses off and stared at me for a minute very intensely before he spoke. "Are you serious about this?" I didn't understand, "About what??" "About her," I understood it now, clearer, this wasn't about scandals at all...this was about--"You," This incredulous truth was slowly making it's way through me, but all I could say was, "You." Shou's eyes moved away from me, and he began to tell me his tale.
"I remember the first time I saw her was at Shinjuku Records, I was coming out of the backroom just locked up the back door, and she was walking through the row of imports looking for something in the P section, that's when she looked at me and stopped in her tracks, Seiko introduced her to me, and I knew what I felt, but I ignored it when she met you, and I never seen her act that way before. Like she was exposed, nervous, and cared too much about the way she looked, that day I was going to go to the concert with her, but we had already promised Saga's sister to help her out with the move to Arizona, but you decided to go with her. I look back on it back then with Karin, but I've never seen you happy either, so I let it go." He began to pace now, as I breathed abnormally and caused fog on the treble he continued. "When we moved to Japan, and began our tour, I kept in contact with her, sent her things, and after Karin and I broke up I went to L.A. with Saga with hopes of getting her for myself," This was something I 've never heard before I didn't know what to do, how to act I just listened. "but when I saw her I knew I was too late she was lost to me that girl I knew, this one was bitter, tough, and wilder." I heard him grit his teeth, clenching a little but he continued I pictured her, that girl I had destroyed. Even though I did all I could she never fell for me defeated I returned, never telling you, but now you know." there was a pause I looked dead at him, a feeling I never knew took over me, this; rabid silent fury , the feeling of being betrayed. Opened my mouth but nothing came out, i had lost my words , and all human vocabulary known to me. He went on leaning back on the door again his Hans up, surrendering, I never acted on these feelings, never kisses her or showed them to her, relax; I've done my best not to betray you and to suffer these years being so in love with my brothers girl, his love, his woman, his mars. Yes, I know she's more forbidden than the golden apples of Hera so I recalled myself when you two met again at that party. I knew it was just a matter of time before you ended up back together." I had began to breathe better calm collected,
so I knew I had to really commit and help you. By the time I knew I succeded I felt the aching come back, but I shut it off burying it all in what I felt for Sheri. I could be happy with her, have a better rep, maybe a happy life, which I do have, and now you're finally getting what you deserve brother: your girl, but I need to know if this time you'll be with her no matter what, be you loose you hands or death separate you, promise me no matter what you'll never let her loose herself again. There was a pause as I took everything in. Then, "Shou," I had gotten up and walked away from the drum set' stopping in front of him I saw his eyes through his shades, "you love her this much? Wanna. Make sure I'll treat her right this time?" his eyes closed , he took a deep breath then nodded. I looked to the ground focusing on his white crocodile duck shoes. "I'm caught in her. I couldn't leave her if I tried" he said nothing, I looked back up he had a small smirk on his face. "well then, congratulations," with these words he put his Hans on my shoulder then bid me good bye.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

// I wish time would stand still, me like this, you like that."

I remembered not so long ago, I read a comment a friend made of me and of Haruka, she called him my Terry. I didn't understand it, until I asked Seiko, Seiko threw her entire collection of Candy Candy on my lap and I read them gradually as we toured in Hokkaido. I understood it then, that he was Terry, because he was just like him, his role in my life, but... did that make me Candy? Or Susannah? Because he stayed with Susannah? The reason I'm with Haruka now has nothing to do with him being guilty of me, what of? But, If I'm Candy, does that mean...that I'll lose him some day? Why didn't she run to Terry when she saw him on that stage? Why did it matter tht he had to stay with the girl who black mailed him into marrying her? Why? I do not understand it, if she really loved him she would have let him go, but i guess that's what Candy did, she let him go, because she loved him, because she felt guilty, because she felt her love reflected in another. the...

I met you that day, I lost my mind, I found my heart, and I could breathe again, calmly.

 I was never a fan of what people call ' soul mates .' In fact, I never believed the concept had any standing in the real world. It's a fantasy that people tell each other, like there really is one person curated for our every wish and want and need. I think we have a say in this world, not a soul mate, but a person, tangible and grounded, and on that ground we find that ours is even, not a mound or a hole around us, and we can walk together on that path. The souls we seek are like this, on the same path, and they are our chosen family. I think that's a stronger bond, family, I haven't had the best relationships with my own kin, but my friends and him ...I think I chose them as my family. I wasn't used to the type of attention Masake bestowed upon me, I wondered if it was my voice, people seemed to be captivated by it, I'm grateful for that, but is that what he was after? Perhaps it was my body that attracted him to me, I am on the heavier side of a medium ...

//he became the sun.

There were things about Los Angeles that I loved, living with crazy seiko who loved to paint on the brick wall and make instant foods was fun for me, Tomos constant sleeping waiting for his shift at the Hollywood cemetery was comforting I studied at work when t wasn't busy but I wasn't hitting my assignments and my sister was worried. The thing I didn't like about Los Angeles though was that Harris didnt live here he was still living in long beach because his college was full on dorms, so he took the metro here every day sometimes his car he had a very nice Volvo, I wonder if he has money not because I want it, but because I feel embarrassed and somehow below people with money but unlike those girls that made me feel awful about myself and my household income Haruka has never given me that vibe, I wonder what it is and does it have to do with the tightening on my chest when I think about him, I feel as I'm passing a big piece of bread that is stuck inside my throat and...