We had driven her from the cemetery to the house, she still wasn't talking clearly, the twins were both sobbing and clinging to her, but all she could do was silently cry and hold them. She'd pet their hair and hold them tightly but say nothing more. It was then Haruka's voice came to my mind, "Take care of her, you're the only one who can, just like I did." I had been wondering about this, but not fully understanding it's meaning, I haven't had a chance to truly talk to Saga, he's too destroyed over Haru's absence, like I am. Lost within a deep abyss of missing my best friend, a brother, feeling like a limb I once had was still moving but noticing it's not there, that's what it felt like. This void that surrounded us, we wallowed in it's valley and recalled him in our memories, what else could we do? I had an itch to loose myself in the drink again, but looking at Adagio and Zestubou, I couldn't. I needed to face this, the way they were; even if I screamed my head out, and cut my flesh deeply, it won't bring him back, but it would bring me some peace.
We arrived at the house, already the reception was something vague, we were the last one's there. People from all over the place seemed to be there, Haruka's parents, his sister Hana and his brother Eric, Charlotte's parents, her sister Alexis, and her brother Noel. My mom and brother Yuki were there are well, and also Saga's mom and sister Tsukiko, his brother Eeri and Tomo's brother Patrick. Not just our families, but also our old friends, Momiko and his girlfriend Trudy, Morgan and Sarah, and our highschool music teacher, Mr. Odonell. Mi:cHEllen was also there, and ruby candy, Velveto, and Cressiendo; bands from L.A and Tokyo we had met, close friends. The only people from the label was Lover Soul and their wives and kids, Takuro's wife Namie , his daughter's Sara, and Rosy, Teru's Daughter's Ai and Yumi and his son Takuro, Hisashi's long time girlfriend Mirai and Jiro's wife Chika; Nana was there too, though her relationship with Haruka was short lived, her friendship with Charlotte was something she did not want to throw away and she was more there for her than for Haru himself. Emily and Sakuma were the only ones with their faces straight, though they were melancholy, they could only think about what Haru's sudden death was going to do for the label, for the bands they were too devestated to be grieving they were already trying to accept it and move on to make sure we didn't fall apart.
The twins immediately ran to Takuro who held them as he himself was trembling, I moved next to Charlotte as I saw her quivering and put my hand on her shoulder. She looked from Takuro to me then quickly, she shook her head and spoke softly, "This isn't happening is it Shou?" her eyes were glitstened and drowning, I didn't know how to answer her, "This is all a lie isn't it?" All I could do was shake my head though, not knowing what else to do I tried to think of something to say but I noticed her hair move swiftly and just as quickly I managed to catch her as she was falling. I wrapped my arms around her and felt the pain, the same pain inside of her as it was inside of me and her sobbing reflected my sobbing and thinking of myself only I could recall Haruka's smiling face as I bought him his first guitar, it was for his birthday, the acoustic guitar's from the classroom just weren't what we needed, and after he saw it that grateful look...knowing I'll never see it again, knowing that my brother has left, and this emptiness surrounding us is drowning us, she screamed, a sound so terrifying the sound my mouth made after her scream made my pain burn and bruise I felt someone help us up and take us upstairs. The pain was overwhelming, too much, my heart felt like it was going to explode, but it didn't know which way to go. I was being strangled, and the more I tried to fight it the louder I could hear Charlotte's screams, it wasn't the scream a weird who is afraid gives out, it was far more blood-curling, it was the sound a person who has lost themselves would make. I felt my chest tighten more, and a swift hold on the air around me, I couldn't breathe. Just then whoever had taken me to up had opened a door and sat me on a chair, I was gasping though, clutching at my chest, my neck, I couldn't breath. "he's hyper ventilating, get him a bag," I recognized this voice then, it was Seiko, "Where are the bags? Charlotte? Where are they?" I opened my eyes then, hoping my lack of glasses didn't make it too blurry, I saw Yuki, and looking past him Charlotte clinging to sister Alexis repeating " I don't know, I don't know," Just then footsteps, and it was Takuro, he took a look at me, and leaned over me, " Shou, breathe slowly, I'll go get you a bag," he got up and I did as he said, though I still felt like I was drowning I tried to limit my breathing but it was getting smaller and smaller, the pain matched the pain of the thing in my chest. I heard Charlotte scream again then sob, moaning in a way a banshee would and the pain came over me again, " I can't....I'm drowning," Just then I had a paper bag around my mouth, it was Seiko, "there, now breather slowly and deeply." I paid no attention to Seiko's charity, but i tried to focus on breathing, I noticed Charlotte stopped screaming and sobbing then, she must've gone to another room. I was breathing more steadly and removed the bag from my mouth, Seiko was sitting next to me, staring at nothing, her cheeks glistened with tears that haven't dried yet. I noticed it then, the same emptiness I felt, my heart was looking for it again, Haruka, when were we going to talk about the anthem we were creating for our band? I thought about the words I made for it and even more I focused on the fact that our band was broken then, I called out Seiko's name, but she could only nod in response. "Where'd she go?" She looked down the hall, "Takuro and Alexis took her to her room, he gave her a sedative the doctor told him to give her, it seems to be working." Her words were dead, stoic, when she blinked though, her lids twitched, like they didn't want to open again but had to. A sedative? "Why did he prescribe a sedative?" Her head jerked up, "Oh, you weren't there, well...the doctor fears that she might loose it, since...well...she already has...if it continues, we might loose her, so when her panic attacks get like this, we've been giving her the sedatives. That's all we can do...while she grieves." Seiko's voice was breaking, in my selfishness I forgot about her, she taught Haruka how to play the major F scale, and how to do hide's solo in Dice. I breathed inside my bag again and finally got a grasp at where I was, I was sitting on the chair next to the Twin's room, Charlotte would sit here and sing to them as Haru played for them, I saw it once when I was over for Thanksgiving, I think that was when I was still with Midori, I don't recall it though. But I remember this place, once it had such a subtle and tranquil lovinmg atmostphere, now...I feel as if its all fading, drying up. I wanted to catch it, I got up and walked towards Charlotte's room, I heard her gaging, I swung the door open and she was hurling inside of a waste basket, Her hair in an array as she did, Seiko had been caught up in her taughts in the hallway unaware of me now, I went to Charlotte and pulled her hair back as she threw up, ignoring the smell and cutting through it I felt her pain as she sobbed. The sedative was it still in her system? Just then Takuro came back in, "Did she throw it up?" He pulled her face to meet him, her expression horrid, desolate, and soaked in tears and traces of her vomit, she so faintly nodded to him ,answering his questions. She tried to talk, but I could only make out her saying "I" over and over, Takuro nodded in response and a case out of his pocket, but it wasn't the pills, it was a syringe. "No!" Charlotte panicked and tried to run past us, but I held her down, she kicked my stomach and tried to free herself, but I held her with everything I had ignoring the pained she inflicted on me and she took the shot on her shoulder as Takuro pulled back her collar and injected her. I let her go as she calmed down then and picked her up to put her on her bed. Takuro asked me why she threw it up, but I told him I wasn't there when it happened, he excused me, and told me some words I haven't forgotten. "I know this may be hard for you, but you gotta stop worrying about her now, for a while, let her be, otherwise it will just be harder on her." I asked him why and he said, "Because you two share the same pain, even though loosing Haruka is a tragedy to us, even to me, I thought of him as the man who made my little girl happy, he made me happy, having that happiness torn out from me, from my little one, and seeing the anguish no,...the hell its causing her, it's killing me. Please, Shou...though I know your pain is stronger than my own, when she see's you, I can feel that she feels that pain in herself reflected over a hundred times, because you were his brother, because she knows that you two had a closer relationship than was only shared with her, it pains her more to see your pain as I'm sure it pains you when you see her. For a while, please don't share your pain." His words were piercing, but with a sincerity that showed me his self, that self he described was there, and though I never met Charlotte's real father, I felt that presence in Takuro, and I headed his words with the respect I would have given Charlotte's dad, my best friends Father-in-law, ans so I nodded to him and gave him my word. I rejoined the party then, and left Takuro to look after Charlotte, I went back to see her before I left, though, Takuro let me. She looked so clean then, he had brushed her hair and cleaned her face I'm sure Seiko changed her clothes because now she was wearing her Pure Soul tour shirt, her favorite shirt and her Kors yoga pants, her usual relax outfit, I was soothed a little then, to have peoople who understood her the way Haruka did, and I felt relieved that she would be okay. I left that room with my feelings inside it locked, however, when I did I no longer saw Charlotte in the walls of that house, just my brother, my best mate, Haruka was coloured everywhere I looked and saw and the pain hit me once again as it did when Charlotte clung to me in the middle of the living room. The pain was cutting into me the father I got from Charlotte, and I saw small artifacts that reminded me of the warmth of Haruka's friendship, his kindness and way of being. The things I bought with him for this house before he bought it for Charlotte, how happy he was, I passed the twins on my way out and couldn't help but hold them both to my chest, these small little copies of him carried his unique hazel eyes, and as Adagio asked me why everyone was so unhappy I couldn't find the words to express to him how sorry I was that the greatest of men would never see him grow or give him words of wisdom when he was in trouble. That's when I swore to be that man, whenever these two needed me, I would be there eternally. I paid my respects to Haruka's family, they thanked me and brought up times they remembered of fun times I had spent with their beloved Haruka, when we were caught ditching first period back in 11th grade because we had secretly been in line all morning to get tickets from Shiniku Record shop for our rock idols, or the time Haruka got so drunk we crashed his brothers car into an old burnt tree by the highway. These teenage memories were nostalgic, but at the same time made the warm spot in my chest feel like it was burning until it engulfed my stomach and I missed my friend even more. I was driven to the hotel by Saga and Seiko, Tomo and Daisuke, we were all staying in the same place and would stay there until the traditional week that is customary, Nao had already left, his type of style of dealing with things like these are those which are better left unsaid and he keeps his pain to himself, this may seem selfish of him, but it is a smart way to deal with it, however, I've always been a fool and so I know the emptiness around me, and my friends will continue to be there, nothing can fill it, and the invisible limb that I can nether move nor see will continue to be there unchangeable and mournful.
We arrived at the house, already the reception was something vague, we were the last one's there. People from all over the place seemed to be there, Haruka's parents, his sister Hana and his brother Eric, Charlotte's parents, her sister Alexis, and her brother Noel. My mom and brother Yuki were there are well, and also Saga's mom and sister Tsukiko, his brother Eeri and Tomo's brother Patrick. Not just our families, but also our old friends, Momiko and his girlfriend Trudy, Morgan and Sarah, and our highschool music teacher, Mr. Odonell. Mi:cHEllen was also there, and ruby candy, Velveto, and Cressiendo; bands from L.A and Tokyo we had met, close friends. The only people from the label was Lover Soul and their wives and kids, Takuro's wife Namie , his daughter's Sara, and Rosy, Teru's Daughter's Ai and Yumi and his son Takuro, Hisashi's long time girlfriend Mirai and Jiro's wife Chika; Nana was there too, though her relationship with Haruka was short lived, her friendship with Charlotte was something she did not want to throw away and she was more there for her than for Haru himself. Emily and Sakuma were the only ones with their faces straight, though they were melancholy, they could only think about what Haru's sudden death was going to do for the label, for the bands they were too devestated to be grieving they were already trying to accept it and move on to make sure we didn't fall apart.
The twins immediately ran to Takuro who held them as he himself was trembling, I moved next to Charlotte as I saw her quivering and put my hand on her shoulder. She looked from Takuro to me then quickly, she shook her head and spoke softly, "This isn't happening is it Shou?" her eyes were glitstened and drowning, I didn't know how to answer her, "This is all a lie isn't it?" All I could do was shake my head though, not knowing what else to do I tried to think of something to say but I noticed her hair move swiftly and just as quickly I managed to catch her as she was falling. I wrapped my arms around her and felt the pain, the same pain inside of her as it was inside of me and her sobbing reflected my sobbing and thinking of myself only I could recall Haruka's smiling face as I bought him his first guitar, it was for his birthday, the acoustic guitar's from the classroom just weren't what we needed, and after he saw it that grateful look...knowing I'll never see it again, knowing that my brother has left, and this emptiness surrounding us is drowning us, she screamed, a sound so terrifying the sound my mouth made after her scream made my pain burn and bruise I felt someone help us up and take us upstairs. The pain was overwhelming, too much, my heart felt like it was going to explode, but it didn't know which way to go. I was being strangled, and the more I tried to fight it the louder I could hear Charlotte's screams, it wasn't the scream a weird who is afraid gives out, it was far more blood-curling, it was the sound a person who has lost themselves would make. I felt my chest tighten more, and a swift hold on the air around me, I couldn't breathe. Just then whoever had taken me to up had opened a door and sat me on a chair, I was gasping though, clutching at my chest, my neck, I couldn't breath. "he's hyper ventilating, get him a bag," I recognized this voice then, it was Seiko, "Where are the bags? Charlotte? Where are they?" I opened my eyes then, hoping my lack of glasses didn't make it too blurry, I saw Yuki, and looking past him Charlotte clinging to sister Alexis repeating " I don't know, I don't know," Just then footsteps, and it was Takuro, he took a look at me, and leaned over me, " Shou, breathe slowly, I'll go get you a bag," he got up and I did as he said, though I still felt like I was drowning I tried to limit my breathing but it was getting smaller and smaller, the pain matched the pain of the thing in my chest. I heard Charlotte scream again then sob, moaning in a way a banshee would and the pain came over me again, " I can't....I'm drowning," Just then I had a paper bag around my mouth, it was Seiko, "there, now breather slowly and deeply." I paid no attention to Seiko's charity, but i tried to focus on breathing, I noticed Charlotte stopped screaming and sobbing then, she must've gone to another room. I was breathing more steadly and removed the bag from my mouth, Seiko was sitting next to me, staring at nothing, her cheeks glistened with tears that haven't dried yet. I noticed it then, the same emptiness I felt, my heart was looking for it again, Haruka, when were we going to talk about the anthem we were creating for our band? I thought about the words I made for it and even more I focused on the fact that our band was broken then, I called out Seiko's name, but she could only nod in response. "Where'd she go?" She looked down the hall, "Takuro and Alexis took her to her room, he gave her a sedative the doctor told him to give her, it seems to be working." Her words were dead, stoic, when she blinked though, her lids twitched, like they didn't want to open again but had to. A sedative? "Why did he prescribe a sedative?" Her head jerked up, "Oh, you weren't there, well...the doctor fears that she might loose it, since...well...she already has...if it continues, we might loose her, so when her panic attacks get like this, we've been giving her the sedatives. That's all we can do...while she grieves." Seiko's voice was breaking, in my selfishness I forgot about her, she taught Haruka how to play the major F scale, and how to do hide's solo in Dice. I breathed inside my bag again and finally got a grasp at where I was, I was sitting on the chair next to the Twin's room, Charlotte would sit here and sing to them as Haru played for them, I saw it once when I was over for Thanksgiving, I think that was when I was still with Midori, I don't recall it though. But I remember this place, once it had such a subtle and tranquil lovinmg atmostphere, now...I feel as if its all fading, drying up. I wanted to catch it, I got up and walked towards Charlotte's room, I heard her gaging, I swung the door open and she was hurling inside of a waste basket, Her hair in an array as she did, Seiko had been caught up in her taughts in the hallway unaware of me now, I went to Charlotte and pulled her hair back as she threw up, ignoring the smell and cutting through it I felt her pain as she sobbed. The sedative was it still in her system? Just then Takuro came back in, "Did she throw it up?" He pulled her face to meet him, her expression horrid, desolate, and soaked in tears and traces of her vomit, she so faintly nodded to him ,answering his questions. She tried to talk, but I could only make out her saying "I" over and over, Takuro nodded in response and a case out of his pocket, but it wasn't the pills, it was a syringe. "No!" Charlotte panicked and tried to run past us, but I held her down, she kicked my stomach and tried to free herself, but I held her with everything I had ignoring the pained she inflicted on me and she took the shot on her shoulder as Takuro pulled back her collar and injected her. I let her go as she calmed down then and picked her up to put her on her bed. Takuro asked me why she threw it up, but I told him I wasn't there when it happened, he excused me, and told me some words I haven't forgotten. "I know this may be hard for you, but you gotta stop worrying about her now, for a while, let her be, otherwise it will just be harder on her." I asked him why and he said, "Because you two share the same pain, even though loosing Haruka is a tragedy to us, even to me, I thought of him as the man who made my little girl happy, he made me happy, having that happiness torn out from me, from my little one, and seeing the anguish no,...the hell its causing her, it's killing me. Please, Shou...though I know your pain is stronger than my own, when she see's you, I can feel that she feels that pain in herself reflected over a hundred times, because you were his brother, because she knows that you two had a closer relationship than was only shared with her, it pains her more to see your pain as I'm sure it pains you when you see her. For a while, please don't share your pain." His words were piercing, but with a sincerity that showed me his self, that self he described was there, and though I never met Charlotte's real father, I felt that presence in Takuro, and I headed his words with the respect I would have given Charlotte's dad, my best friends Father-in-law, ans so I nodded to him and gave him my word. I rejoined the party then, and left Takuro to look after Charlotte, I went back to see her before I left, though, Takuro let me. She looked so clean then, he had brushed her hair and cleaned her face I'm sure Seiko changed her clothes because now she was wearing her Pure Soul tour shirt, her favorite shirt and her Kors yoga pants, her usual relax outfit, I was soothed a little then, to have peoople who understood her the way Haruka did, and I felt relieved that she would be okay. I left that room with my feelings inside it locked, however, when I did I no longer saw Charlotte in the walls of that house, just my brother, my best mate, Haruka was coloured everywhere I looked and saw and the pain hit me once again as it did when Charlotte clung to me in the middle of the living room. The pain was cutting into me the father I got from Charlotte, and I saw small artifacts that reminded me of the warmth of Haruka's friendship, his kindness and way of being. The things I bought with him for this house before he bought it for Charlotte, how happy he was, I passed the twins on my way out and couldn't help but hold them both to my chest, these small little copies of him carried his unique hazel eyes, and as Adagio asked me why everyone was so unhappy I couldn't find the words to express to him how sorry I was that the greatest of men would never see him grow or give him words of wisdom when he was in trouble. That's when I swore to be that man, whenever these two needed me, I would be there eternally. I paid my respects to Haruka's family, they thanked me and brought up times they remembered of fun times I had spent with their beloved Haruka, when we were caught ditching first period back in 11th grade because we had secretly been in line all morning to get tickets from Shiniku Record shop for our rock idols, or the time Haruka got so drunk we crashed his brothers car into an old burnt tree by the highway. These teenage memories were nostalgic, but at the same time made the warm spot in my chest feel like it was burning until it engulfed my stomach and I missed my friend even more. I was driven to the hotel by Saga and Seiko, Tomo and Daisuke, we were all staying in the same place and would stay there until the traditional week that is customary, Nao had already left, his type of style of dealing with things like these are those which are better left unsaid and he keeps his pain to himself, this may seem selfish of him, but it is a smart way to deal with it, however, I've always been a fool and so I know the emptiness around me, and my friends will continue to be there, nothing can fill it, and the invisible limb that I can nether move nor see will continue to be there unchangeable and mournful.
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