"Was I never supposed to notice that you knew?"
I was caught, he caught himself by acknowledging it, unafraid of my reactions, this was different, this was a Shou I hadn't seen in years.
"You were never supposed to say anything, I got conscious because of that song."
he snickered, and sighed, "yeah, you were supposed to, I was supposed to pretend like this whole thing," he gestured at the gazebo and the string lights above us, "wasn't real, that this was some delusion brought on by the stress of being in love with you, that this nightmare would stay in my dreamland." he began to shake his head, and the gleam in his eyes, it hurt me because my best friend was puring it all out, and I could not move from where I was. "Shou,...what do you want from me? You know where I stand, you know how I feel, what do you want?" He came over to me and put his hands on mine, grasping at the bouquet of gold and pink flowers Seiko brought me moments ago. that hurt expression there, his lips parted like he wanted to say the words, but his mouth closed and instead he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I want you to be so immensely happy that you question whether or not you're in a real world. I want you to walk down those stones and find a new path that you'll take together. But I also need you to know, that I exist, that this heart exists for you, I don't expect you to run away with me, I haven't earned you that way." He kissed my hand with my wedding band on it, the pain from his words touched me and I still could not move form where I was, I looked away then, and painfully he was shaking and it got to me, and I felt his heartbreak, I swear I could hear it as he spoke brokenly. "I will always love you, in ways that make no sense, but the heart is so stubborn, and I wont get over you, but this is me telling you what I've always wanted to, I wish you happiness , and I wont tell you that I'm waiting here for you always, because I hope that you wont need that, that you two will always be in love and together and shinning. I love you that much, that's all I want, for you to know that I exist like this, is that okay?"
I pulled my hands away and hugged him, he was cautious and carefully put his warms around me. "It's not okay, but its not something I can control for you, because I know that feeling well. I see you, but I also see the man you are, and I know that all that love will be returned to you, not from me, from someone who will chose you." I kissed his cheek and began to cry. "I was his the moment we met, and I never thought today would happen, but I love him so much, that its impossible to dismiss you because he wouldn't even like that, and I know that. Love is beautiful and it can do so many things. and you will find that extraordinary love, just not with me,"
I was caught, he caught himself by acknowledging it, unafraid of my reactions, this was different, this was a Shou I hadn't seen in years.
"You were never supposed to say anything, I got conscious because of that song."
he snickered, and sighed, "yeah, you were supposed to, I was supposed to pretend like this whole thing," he gestured at the gazebo and the string lights above us, "wasn't real, that this was some delusion brought on by the stress of being in love with you, that this nightmare would stay in my dreamland." he began to shake his head, and the gleam in his eyes, it hurt me because my best friend was puring it all out, and I could not move from where I was. "Shou,...what do you want from me? You know where I stand, you know how I feel, what do you want?" He came over to me and put his hands on mine, grasping at the bouquet of gold and pink flowers Seiko brought me moments ago. that hurt expression there, his lips parted like he wanted to say the words, but his mouth closed and instead he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I want you to be so immensely happy that you question whether or not you're in a real world. I want you to walk down those stones and find a new path that you'll take together. But I also need you to know, that I exist, that this heart exists for you, I don't expect you to run away with me, I haven't earned you that way." He kissed my hand with my wedding band on it, the pain from his words touched me and I still could not move form where I was, I looked away then, and painfully he was shaking and it got to me, and I felt his heartbreak, I swear I could hear it as he spoke brokenly. "I will always love you, in ways that make no sense, but the heart is so stubborn, and I wont get over you, but this is me telling you what I've always wanted to, I wish you happiness , and I wont tell you that I'm waiting here for you always, because I hope that you wont need that, that you two will always be in love and together and shinning. I love you that much, that's all I want, for you to know that I exist like this, is that okay?"
I pulled my hands away and hugged him, he was cautious and carefully put his warms around me. "It's not okay, but its not something I can control for you, because I know that feeling well. I see you, but I also see the man you are, and I know that all that love will be returned to you, not from me, from someone who will chose you." I kissed his cheek and began to cry. "I was his the moment we met, and I never thought today would happen, but I love him so much, that its impossible to dismiss you because he wouldn't even like that, and I know that. Love is beautiful and it can do so many things. and you will find that extraordinary love, just not with me,"
Shou stood in silence, staring into my eyes, his eyes letting the tears swell. He embraced me, I hugged him back. "I'm sorry, I had to let this out today, but I needed you to know, for certain, I will defeat these feelings with time, I hope I can gain your friendship back with time and your trust." He let me go, I didn't know what to say, he was gone. I leaned against the frame of the gazebo, in my dress, the feathers on the train rustled as the wind picked up. I asked myself what could I do about him, nothing really, I am spoken for...I always have been, I will find sometime to deal with what happened in this room today, but it will not be now, I'm getting married and he's waiting for me....my only soul, Saturn, my Haruka.
Comments
Post a Comment