I wonder, how much is too much?
How much is enough? Whilte we're on the tour I am trying as hard as I can to distance myself from Michio, and all of loversoul. As hard as I can, yet, when I'm near him, even if people are around us he'll reach out for my hand and pull me into him, hugging me in front of everyone, breathing me in and saying "I've missed you," or "Hello Stranger" I wonder, am I going insane?
We've been on the LiB Cafe cruise from L.A. to Tokyo, that was the way we got to Tokyo, but those night in the recording studio in Los Angeles and those mornings in the park. What do they mean now?
I fear for him, my only soul, I'm caught up in you, and I'm afraid I can't get out alone.
Walking in this large ship isn't very hard for me, but Tomo and Seiko are constantly sea sick, they're taking pills constantly to get over it, but it's hardest on Tomo, he'll be on deck for at least 10 minutes to not go crazy from cavin fever but then he'll go back to his suite and play out his fears of the open sea on his bass and something guitar. This is a cruise after all for Loversoul fans, lots of security, and even more fans, worse of all fan girls. Lots of things to buy here and eat dishes all picked out by Loversoul themselves, being the most successful band in Japanese rock history will have that type of following, and their fans are devoted and loyal, almost too much so. Today I wanted to see them from afar, but I forgot my access pass, even though the security guards know me the fans didn't so when I show up in the middle of an empty seat in the pitcher section about 40 rows from the stage it caused a commotion after I was asked by a fellow fan to move for her friend, then it escalated to ticket prices, in which I made up a number because if I am to debut in Japan, I cannot draw attention to myself here. Well I got the ticket wrong, I didn't know they were charging per perfomance apart from the cruise, it turns out you can pick certain performances, they do two a day, only three are free in the entire weeks cruise, the rest you have to pay for, it was all for a charity so people didn't comlain as much. I didn't have my pass with me so I was taken to the "free section" well they miscalculated the amount of free seats and they were all taken, I stormed off after getting stares and unknown to me Michio noticed. After their performance I got an intercom to joint he band at a meet and greet with roulette tickets, all all access people are allowed to go but I was called by name something Tomo never let me live down as he took his nap to avoid throwing up and Seiko was at the gym, Erin flew to Japan and was waiting for us, he tought ahead and according to Seiko is the worst at Sea travel.
I waited in line and as soon as Rai, Loversoul's assistant saw me she pulled me from the lined and threw me in the meeting room, many fans could talk for a few minutes in a group and I was in the next group with the group of girls who were bagging on me for wanting a free show, the first girl was talking the group finished, as they left a bored but trying to hang on Michio and pulled me in to him, I tried to pull away but he held me down,the girls noticed but Rai just escorted them out, their faces were priceless. "I saw you leave in the middle of your favorite song, what happened princess?" Michio cooed at me and petted my hand,Tamiya and Hayao agreed with adding, jokes like, "It's because there were no balloons in this perfomance right? No wait, it's because Taro totally forgot the words and improvised? " I assured Taro that there was no such thing, and he grinned and commented "I didn't see you but I heard you were there, our Michio is always eyeing you like a hawk." I already had this conversation with Taro who gave me that "remember what I told you" look, it was intesnse though and I had to look away. "Yeah, you gys were amazing as always, feel like I'm getting an overload andmight exlpode any minute" Michio squeezed me walked me to the next room, "What's going on Chara, you look upset" I told him then what was on my mind, about Los Angeles, about our relationship, about how wrong it was and that he was seperated from Namie but still married and I was just a kid and that if he was playing with me, to please stop.
Michio took my hand and told me simple words, "What do you want? Tell me what it is, because I know what I want and I don't care what anyone else thinks," his words made me even more nervous, "I'm 19 years old, I don't know what I want, if you were me, what would you do?" He slowly let me go then, and as soon as I felt his grip go, he dropped his gaze, and returned to the group, the realization hurt me, and I left to my suite, as I was leaving he took my hand though and we ran through the hall, my heart was suddenly alive again, as if I was defibrilated, and for a second I forgot all the maybe nots, and just thought about him, then we got to the stairs. As we climbed he turned to me my hand in his and said, "Until we land." he said, sincerity in his eyes, eyes that wouldn't let mine go without an answer, he was wearing his glasses, but I couldn't answer here, "Chara?" We got to my room, but we passed it, "No, we're going to my world," Somehow, I couldn't stop smiling and followed him.
I knew this ship was inspired by the titanic, but I didn't know how gorgeous the premium villas were, it was beautiful, the walls the furniture and the walls lined with nothing but famous paintings, it was christmas eve, and we'd arrive in Tokyo in three days, as he pulled me into his bedroom, I knew what I wanted, he laid down on the bed, and pulled me down with him, "Are you sure?" he asked, my beat was like a crescendo, I felt it rising, his brown eyes told me stories I never knew existed, and all those poetic phrases that I adored, they were this man, every inch of him, I wrapped myself around him and nuzzled his chin, "I'm sure," I wasn't sure what to expect, but he knew everything about me already, what I'd like what would make me happy, and that night I've never forgotten, because no matter how many interviews I'd have, or guys I'd let into my life, he was my first love, my real first love, before I met Haruka, he gave me the courage to run, and he was mine if only for just a second. We walked the ship at night, under the moonlight and the stars, the contellations used to make me sad because they'd remind me of Haruka, but threw Michio I saw them in different light, he told me how he'd watch them from a plane and how might brighter they seemed, but at a distance like this, they looked painted. His honey brown eyes were trained on me, and in an embrace his warm body would remind me that it was real, and his citrus scent was sweet and fresh, he was like the cold chill in the midnight air, I loved that moment, I wanted to freeze that moment, but I told myself, "get enough to be happy the rest of your life and then let go."
That last day loversoul's last performance happened in the evening, in the morning we'd dock, and so it happened and they played all the favorites, "Whiteness' Lovelie', Runaway, and a crowd favorite "Singin' My life." It was acoustic mostly, and during the performance, I caught Michio's eyes trained on me, sometimes when I noticed him, he'd stare and smile for a few seconds then flit away. I looked out at the sunlit water, as the sun set, it rippled golden shimmers, my soul's reflection, I thought.
So close and yet so far away, so very far away. Later that night michio found me still looking out to the water, and he placed his arms around me. "My soul," he whispered, "Can't we stay like this forever? While your fire still consumes my every fiber? Can't we?" I looked up at Michio I had to fight back the tears and stop my limbs from shaking by pretending to be strong. I smiled and told him, "It's not like we're gonna die if we're not romantically involved, what would they say, I looked up at the deck with fangirls at the shops buying their last minute souverniers and getting their goody bagh, "Wht will you tell them? What would that make me in that land over there?" I looked out to the ocean now, "I wouldn't be able to sing would I? With all that scandal, I'm afraid for you most." I saw it then, the water in his eyes, he looked away though, I saw the age lines in his face, subtle, so subtle, but there. He cleared his voice, it was sullen, "Do you remember that song? Layla?" I nodded and looked back to the water, I didn't want to see him in pain, "Can you tell me, how may songs I wrote about her?" I went over it in my head then, "Layla,Whiteness,Koi,However,Can't Smile,Summer Sounds,Thanks,those summer days, In a Town, right?" He nodded, "You missed "Dejavu, and Like a wind," But those, they just mention things she said to me, you wouldn't have known that, anyways that woman, she was the first love I ever had, I was younger than you when I fell for her, so deeply I never really escaped it. When I left to Tokyo, she promised she'd wait for me if things went badly, well things never went down, and she forgot about me, when I went back she was gone, they said she left to the main island, but not sure where to, I went back then , every time i got but she was never there. After a year i focused more on work, and I met girls here and there, but it never lasted. I still wanted her still, but she wouldn't leave. I spent years waiting for her, offering her everything in those songs, writing those songs hoping she'd come over to me. After a few years I had found out that she moved to tokyo, she became an apprentice at a dress shop, finally we saw eachother again, and we went out as friends, talked about everything, acted like crazy kids. We were great friends so it was really easy for us, and I felt as if I had something I had missed all my life. Even the simple things her blue gem necklace, the shape of her hands, the color of her roots, I remember it all." He took my hand and led me then down tot he haul of the ship. "Chara, do you know why things ended for us?" I scanned my mind, "Oh, she fell in love,...with someone else." He nodded grimly and stopped, he looked out to the water now as if seeing a scene inside his head, "I met her by the bridge near my apartment, she was so happy, and I had just gotten back from a three month tour, I brought her flowers and thought "Maybe I'll propose,' but when I saw her, she was wearing a ring, I asked her what was going on, she talked in a dazed about how she never thought she'd fall in love ever, but she did and she was moving back to hakodate with him, a photographer named.. "Sato?" he nodded, "I lost my Layla, as she told me "find yourself a tender love, like I did, you deserve it." He let my hand go and laned against the railing, "I went back to her a few years later, Sato had an affair, i told her I loved her, and for a short time, we had an affair as well, I wish i could say it was bliss, but she was always unsure, it didn't even last a year because of my schedule and her work, she broke it off then, saying that she should stay by Sato, I told her i'd take care of her, and for a short time I saw doubt in her eyes, maybe she'd learn to love me, but i knew there as no such thing. I let Layla go, and buried my heart. When I met Namie, I was wreck, stoic, I put all my soul into my music, and who knew we'd be where we are now. Namie awoke a feeling of innocence in me, I thoguht I lost it, but she was adorable, like a child, and I foundmyself acting like a child around her, if I could have happiness why not, so i let her into my treasure chest. But gilded cages fade, and now, Namie wants a divorce, Chara, in the midsts of that i met you, I heard your voice, and now, I'm caught in your net. I can't compare you to Layla, or Namie, or anything else, because you're precious, my only soul.
My heart knew it would come, but I felt his heat behind me, and his arm around me, both of them, his cool breathing calmed me, I turned my head to see Michio lost in sleep, wake up, please, I thought maybe he would read my thoughts, wake up and tell me we'll never arrive in Japan, but it was pointless, his grip on me was strong and I felt loved, I decided then to not be a desperate fool after this was over, no, I need to be strong for us, maybe if I wasn't so young and inexperienced in the industry I could be someone who stands next to him, but right now I'm nothing. Just a voice.
we arrived in Tokyo early that morning, but when we did, he wasn't there according to Touru, he was the first off the plane, said he had work to do. I knew it though, I'll never know if he felt the same thign I felt, but my heart was a mess, when we got to the hotel, Rumika arranged everything for us, and I didn't see Michio for months. The first month was a blur now that I think back on it, but I do remember a lot of shopping and pictures, and my short red hair was a problem for our stylists. They wanted it to grow out before they could attach extensions, for now we were in a stage called "hibvernation" in which we're prepared before we first present ourselves as a band in Japan under a label. We recorded a few songs and went to a lot of shows to get the vibe of a Tokyo audience, it was at one of these shows that i saw him. It was definitely him, that name my heart's been struggling to erase, the open wound, Haruka. I don't know what he was doing there but he was incognito, the performer was a young girl a little older than me, known as Nana ryuusei she's the youngest and most famous rock artist in Japan, with a following in pop and rock alike. She's been more visual kei as of late, Michio told me. watch her, and think "how will people remember me, and not think of her." it was hard to do since she was such a character on stage, screaming and bouncing and screaming into that mic, she also played guitar something I couldn't do, I could handle a piano alright, but music was confusing to read. I wanted to catch his arm, Haruka's but he was gone before I knew it, lost in the crowd, I must have gone crazy, yeah, that was it.
How much is enough? Whilte we're on the tour I am trying as hard as I can to distance myself from Michio, and all of loversoul. As hard as I can, yet, when I'm near him, even if people are around us he'll reach out for my hand and pull me into him, hugging me in front of everyone, breathing me in and saying "I've missed you," or "Hello Stranger" I wonder, am I going insane?
We've been on the LiB Cafe cruise from L.A. to Tokyo, that was the way we got to Tokyo, but those night in the recording studio in Los Angeles and those mornings in the park. What do they mean now?
I fear for him, my only soul, I'm caught up in you, and I'm afraid I can't get out alone.
Walking in this large ship isn't very hard for me, but Tomo and Seiko are constantly sea sick, they're taking pills constantly to get over it, but it's hardest on Tomo, he'll be on deck for at least 10 minutes to not go crazy from cavin fever but then he'll go back to his suite and play out his fears of the open sea on his bass and something guitar. This is a cruise after all for Loversoul fans, lots of security, and even more fans, worse of all fan girls. Lots of things to buy here and eat dishes all picked out by Loversoul themselves, being the most successful band in Japanese rock history will have that type of following, and their fans are devoted and loyal, almost too much so. Today I wanted to see them from afar, but I forgot my access pass, even though the security guards know me the fans didn't so when I show up in the middle of an empty seat in the pitcher section about 40 rows from the stage it caused a commotion after I was asked by a fellow fan to move for her friend, then it escalated to ticket prices, in which I made up a number because if I am to debut in Japan, I cannot draw attention to myself here. Well I got the ticket wrong, I didn't know they were charging per perfomance apart from the cruise, it turns out you can pick certain performances, they do two a day, only three are free in the entire weeks cruise, the rest you have to pay for, it was all for a charity so people didn't comlain as much. I didn't have my pass with me so I was taken to the "free section" well they miscalculated the amount of free seats and they were all taken, I stormed off after getting stares and unknown to me Michio noticed. After their performance I got an intercom to joint he band at a meet and greet with roulette tickets, all all access people are allowed to go but I was called by name something Tomo never let me live down as he took his nap to avoid throwing up and Seiko was at the gym, Erin flew to Japan and was waiting for us, he tought ahead and according to Seiko is the worst at Sea travel.
I waited in line and as soon as Rai, Loversoul's assistant saw me she pulled me from the lined and threw me in the meeting room, many fans could talk for a few minutes in a group and I was in the next group with the group of girls who were bagging on me for wanting a free show, the first girl was talking the group finished, as they left a bored but trying to hang on Michio and pulled me in to him, I tried to pull away but he held me down,the girls noticed but Rai just escorted them out, their faces were priceless. "I saw you leave in the middle of your favorite song, what happened princess?" Michio cooed at me and petted my hand,Tamiya and Hayao agreed with adding, jokes like, "It's because there were no balloons in this perfomance right? No wait, it's because Taro totally forgot the words and improvised? " I assured Taro that there was no such thing, and he grinned and commented "I didn't see you but I heard you were there, our Michio is always eyeing you like a hawk." I already had this conversation with Taro who gave me that "remember what I told you" look, it was intesnse though and I had to look away. "Yeah, you gys were amazing as always, feel like I'm getting an overload andmight exlpode any minute" Michio squeezed me walked me to the next room, "What's going on Chara, you look upset" I told him then what was on my mind, about Los Angeles, about our relationship, about how wrong it was and that he was seperated from Namie but still married and I was just a kid and that if he was playing with me, to please stop.
Michio took my hand and told me simple words, "What do you want? Tell me what it is, because I know what I want and I don't care what anyone else thinks," his words made me even more nervous, "I'm 19 years old, I don't know what I want, if you were me, what would you do?" He slowly let me go then, and as soon as I felt his grip go, he dropped his gaze, and returned to the group, the realization hurt me, and I left to my suite, as I was leaving he took my hand though and we ran through the hall, my heart was suddenly alive again, as if I was defibrilated, and for a second I forgot all the maybe nots, and just thought about him, then we got to the stairs. As we climbed he turned to me my hand in his and said, "Until we land." he said, sincerity in his eyes, eyes that wouldn't let mine go without an answer, he was wearing his glasses, but I couldn't answer here, "Chara?" We got to my room, but we passed it, "No, we're going to my world," Somehow, I couldn't stop smiling and followed him.
I knew this ship was inspired by the titanic, but I didn't know how gorgeous the premium villas were, it was beautiful, the walls the furniture and the walls lined with nothing but famous paintings, it was christmas eve, and we'd arrive in Tokyo in three days, as he pulled me into his bedroom, I knew what I wanted, he laid down on the bed, and pulled me down with him, "Are you sure?" he asked, my beat was like a crescendo, I felt it rising, his brown eyes told me stories I never knew existed, and all those poetic phrases that I adored, they were this man, every inch of him, I wrapped myself around him and nuzzled his chin, "I'm sure," I wasn't sure what to expect, but he knew everything about me already, what I'd like what would make me happy, and that night I've never forgotten, because no matter how many interviews I'd have, or guys I'd let into my life, he was my first love, my real first love, before I met Haruka, he gave me the courage to run, and he was mine if only for just a second. We walked the ship at night, under the moonlight and the stars, the contellations used to make me sad because they'd remind me of Haruka, but threw Michio I saw them in different light, he told me how he'd watch them from a plane and how might brighter they seemed, but at a distance like this, they looked painted. His honey brown eyes were trained on me, and in an embrace his warm body would remind me that it was real, and his citrus scent was sweet and fresh, he was like the cold chill in the midnight air, I loved that moment, I wanted to freeze that moment, but I told myself, "get enough to be happy the rest of your life and then let go."
That last day loversoul's last performance happened in the evening, in the morning we'd dock, and so it happened and they played all the favorites, "Whiteness' Lovelie', Runaway, and a crowd favorite "Singin' My life." It was acoustic mostly, and during the performance, I caught Michio's eyes trained on me, sometimes when I noticed him, he'd stare and smile for a few seconds then flit away. I looked out at the sunlit water, as the sun set, it rippled golden shimmers, my soul's reflection, I thought.
So close and yet so far away, so very far away. Later that night michio found me still looking out to the water, and he placed his arms around me. "My soul," he whispered, "Can't we stay like this forever? While your fire still consumes my every fiber? Can't we?" I looked up at Michio I had to fight back the tears and stop my limbs from shaking by pretending to be strong. I smiled and told him, "It's not like we're gonna die if we're not romantically involved, what would they say, I looked up at the deck with fangirls at the shops buying their last minute souverniers and getting their goody bagh, "Wht will you tell them? What would that make me in that land over there?" I looked out to the ocean now, "I wouldn't be able to sing would I? With all that scandal, I'm afraid for you most." I saw it then, the water in his eyes, he looked away though, I saw the age lines in his face, subtle, so subtle, but there. He cleared his voice, it was sullen, "Do you remember that song? Layla?" I nodded and looked back to the water, I didn't want to see him in pain, "Can you tell me, how may songs I wrote about her?" I went over it in my head then, "Layla,Whiteness,Koi,However,Can't Smile,Summer Sounds,Thanks,those summer days, In a Town, right?" He nodded, "You missed "Dejavu, and Like a wind," But those, they just mention things she said to me, you wouldn't have known that, anyways that woman, she was the first love I ever had, I was younger than you when I fell for her, so deeply I never really escaped it. When I left to Tokyo, she promised she'd wait for me if things went badly, well things never went down, and she forgot about me, when I went back she was gone, they said she left to the main island, but not sure where to, I went back then , every time i got but she was never there. After a year i focused more on work, and I met girls here and there, but it never lasted. I still wanted her still, but she wouldn't leave. I spent years waiting for her, offering her everything in those songs, writing those songs hoping she'd come over to me. After a few years I had found out that she moved to tokyo, she became an apprentice at a dress shop, finally we saw eachother again, and we went out as friends, talked about everything, acted like crazy kids. We were great friends so it was really easy for us, and I felt as if I had something I had missed all my life. Even the simple things her blue gem necklace, the shape of her hands, the color of her roots, I remember it all." He took my hand and led me then down tot he haul of the ship. "Chara, do you know why things ended for us?" I scanned my mind, "Oh, she fell in love,...with someone else." He nodded grimly and stopped, he looked out to the water now as if seeing a scene inside his head, "I met her by the bridge near my apartment, she was so happy, and I had just gotten back from a three month tour, I brought her flowers and thought "Maybe I'll propose,' but when I saw her, she was wearing a ring, I asked her what was going on, she talked in a dazed about how she never thought she'd fall in love ever, but she did and she was moving back to hakodate with him, a photographer named.. "Sato?" he nodded, "I lost my Layla, as she told me "find yourself a tender love, like I did, you deserve it." He let my hand go and laned against the railing, "I went back to her a few years later, Sato had an affair, i told her I loved her, and for a short time, we had an affair as well, I wish i could say it was bliss, but she was always unsure, it didn't even last a year because of my schedule and her work, she broke it off then, saying that she should stay by Sato, I told her i'd take care of her, and for a short time I saw doubt in her eyes, maybe she'd learn to love me, but i knew there as no such thing. I let Layla go, and buried my heart. When I met Namie, I was wreck, stoic, I put all my soul into my music, and who knew we'd be where we are now. Namie awoke a feeling of innocence in me, I thoguht I lost it, but she was adorable, like a child, and I foundmyself acting like a child around her, if I could have happiness why not, so i let her into my treasure chest. But gilded cages fade, and now, Namie wants a divorce, Chara, in the midsts of that i met you, I heard your voice, and now, I'm caught in your net. I can't compare you to Layla, or Namie, or anything else, because you're precious, my only soul.
My heart knew it would come, but I felt his heat behind me, and his arm around me, both of them, his cool breathing calmed me, I turned my head to see Michio lost in sleep, wake up, please, I thought maybe he would read my thoughts, wake up and tell me we'll never arrive in Japan, but it was pointless, his grip on me was strong and I felt loved, I decided then to not be a desperate fool after this was over, no, I need to be strong for us, maybe if I wasn't so young and inexperienced in the industry I could be someone who stands next to him, but right now I'm nothing. Just a voice.
we arrived in Tokyo early that morning, but when we did, he wasn't there according to Touru, he was the first off the plane, said he had work to do. I knew it though, I'll never know if he felt the same thign I felt, but my heart was a mess, when we got to the hotel, Rumika arranged everything for us, and I didn't see Michio for months. The first month was a blur now that I think back on it, but I do remember a lot of shopping and pictures, and my short red hair was a problem for our stylists. They wanted it to grow out before they could attach extensions, for now we were in a stage called "hibvernation" in which we're prepared before we first present ourselves as a band in Japan under a label. We recorded a few songs and went to a lot of shows to get the vibe of a Tokyo audience, it was at one of these shows that i saw him. It was definitely him, that name my heart's been struggling to erase, the open wound, Haruka. I don't know what he was doing there but he was incognito, the performer was a young girl a little older than me, known as Nana ryuusei she's the youngest and most famous rock artist in Japan, with a following in pop and rock alike. She's been more visual kei as of late, Michio told me. watch her, and think "how will people remember me, and not think of her." it was hard to do since she was such a character on stage, screaming and bouncing and screaming into that mic, she also played guitar something I couldn't do, I could handle a piano alright, but music was confusing to read. I wanted to catch his arm, Haruka's but he was gone before I knew it, lost in the crowd, I must have gone crazy, yeah, that was it.
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